TL;DR-
Found my fiance reading a book about a woman cheating in secret and not being in love with her man. Asked about it, she blew up and threatened to break up cus I’m too insecure.
My fiance (32f) and I (34m) have our wedding planned in a couple months. We’ve had some rocky times lately with stress of finalizing planning, paying it off, moving, and getting married in itself.
She came home today with a new book she ordered called “Not In Love”, and from what I understand it’s about a woman who cheats on her man in secret.
I saw it sitting on the counter when I walked by and was caught a little off guard. I didn’t want to get upset about it because it’s just a book and a romance novel (if that’s considered romance) but I was a bit perturbed.
I was took a minute while cooking dinner to settle myself before making a comment so I was calm, Did my best not to sound like I was accusing her of anything, just asked what that book was about and said it’s a little concerning.
She blew. Up. Told me I’m too insecure, I always pick a fight, said “it’s just a book!” Then proceeded to say she can’t do this for the rest of her life.. and that she didn’t know what it was about just of her patients recommended it.
I find that hard to believe as I’ve been with her book shopping; she spends a few minutes with every book she buys getting to know what it’s about.. she’s written a poetry book and loves books.
She has a history of getting extremely upset over minor issues which usually happens when there’s alcohol involved, but occasionally it’ll happen out of the blue.
Now I know I am not a saint by any means, i do stuff I’m not proud of all The time. we do always come back around and for
The most part- own it when we act crappy towards each other.
But with this- I told her it made me feel a little insecure given our recent stress and lack of intimacy, trying to be as calm as possible, yet she still blew her lid off.
Someone please call me out if I’m overreacting for being concerned about her reading said book or not,
I didn’t think it’d turn into this big fight- if anything I thought she’d chuckle and reassure me.
Or if I have a point to have my radar go off a little.
Thanks
Comments
Romance novels are the outlet of choice for a lot of women. Kinda like guys with playboy but considered less risqué. Does she normally read romance
How did you know what the book was about?
You say you didn’t want to get upset because it’s just a book, but don’t believe her intentions when she says it’s just a book.
And yes it shows a lot of insecurity for being threatened based on some fiction book your fiance is reading. I suspect this is not the first time you’ve been paranoid/insecure with her.
Red flags everywhere
So, does everyone who reads The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn want to help a slave escape to the North? (Or just drift down the Mississippi on a raft?)
I remember when I read The Hunt for Red October and I’ve gotta say… it did not mean that I was a Soviet submarine captain who wanted to defect.
Similarly, I enjoyed the fuck out of Andy Weir’s The Martian, but it did not make me an astronaut. It also really did not make me want to be marooned on Mars and have nothing but potatoes to eat.
Holy shit, are you overreacting.
Given the level of stress between you and your fiancée, I really don’t think youse are ready to be married. There are some serious problems in your relationship, and youse need to get those worked out before youse go any further.
I don’t care how much youse have spent on deposits for venues, vendors, and so on. Please trust me, it’s way cheaper than the divorce that youse are heading toward. Don’t succumb to the sunk cost fallacy; put the wedding on hold, and go to couples therapy ASAP.
I might be completely off here but it seems to me she’s getting cold feet about the wedding. Perhaps that’s the conversation you both need to have, that you two should see a couples therapist before tying the knot.