My 33M son Tarzan has been dating 29F Jane for over a year and are getting serious. Their incomes are similar. Tarzan has his own apartment but spends 99% of his time at Jane’s condo, which she bought before they started dating. If he moved in, he would have to get rid of most of his belongings and release the apartment, and would have no assets or place to go if they split up.
My wife thinks there should be a legal document stating that his contribution should be considered part of the mortgage and he would be entitled to a portion of the condo if things go south. I say that Jane bought the condo on her own, and Tarzan has no right to claim any portion of ownership unless he can match Jane’s down payment and apply it to the principal of the mortgage. I suggested he pay 33% of the mortgage in rent, and 50/50 on everything else. This way, he can put money away should a rainy day come.
Tarzan would be paying rent somewhere regardless, but would face a bigger disruption should they break up. I can understand both sides of the argument, but I can’t think of a good way to go about making it equitable to both parties.
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Seriously? The son is renting. Your wife is insane, no offense.
That is crazy to think your son should get any stake in the condo. He should pay rent to the girlfriend, and between the two of them, they should decide what is fair. Lets pretend his is renting a similar apartment to share with a roommate in that area, how much would he pay, that would be close to what he should pay her. Lets assume his rent would be less than what he would be paying for his own place, so he can just put the difference into savings and invesments. A stake in the condo would be stealing. You’d have to be a really sleazy scuzzy scam artist conman to try to pull one over on a woman and take her hard earned property away from her while you test drive her to see if you want to be together forever.
He could pay a small portion of the mortgage or pay the HOA and cover all utilities as well. That may solve anything
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There is no reason for “Jane” to gift him equity. Like you says he’d pay rent regardless why shouldn’t she charge him rent. If he merits a reduction because now he has a roommate and now he could save for his own place great.
Your wife is hilarious. Does she think renters get equity? Jane would be a complete idiot to agree to that and I suspect she won’t like you much if she hears the entitled bullshit you are filling his head with.
He should be paying 50% of the costs to live. Just like he would if he was renting from a stranger. He also shouldn’t be running to mommy and daddy about how to be an adult. He’s 33, cut the cord.
“but would face a bigger disruption should they break up”
No he would need to find a new place to live just like if a lease was up. Quit trying to help your son leech off his girlfriend.
What does Jane say or think?
This is reddit, you are not allowed to be reasonable. Please stop.
See what’s the rental price for the apartment similar in the area? Your son should pay be half of that. It can be less or more than 33% of mortgage depending on the rental prices. They divide the utilities and other bills in half.
See Jane run
Look up market rent for a condo in the area and then halve it. That’s about fair. 50/50 on everything else.
Your wife is insane thinking your son would be entitled to a portion of the home if they break up.
What they do need though is some sort of cohabitation agreement that has fair move out provisions in the event that the relationships breaks down.
He’s getting rid of most of his stuff and his home, he should have some security in terms of having time to get himself set in a new place if things fall apart.
Stay out of their business.
I’d tell Tarzan to go sleep in the jungle if he wanted to get ownership of my condo.
There’s a couple different ways to split expenses. They could look at all of them and figure it out.
One is splitting market rent for the condo. It’s what they’d both be paying if they rented together. This can be more than the mortgage, so might not be the best option.
Another is to agree on a number that’s a little less than what he’s currently paying for rent assuming the places are somewhat similar (ie he’s not in a studio and she had a 2/2) so that way it’s a benefit for both of them.
Then you can get into the nitty gritty and split everything but the principal payment if you must. The majority of the costs of her place isn’t going to the principal. Between principal, interest, escrow, and HOA fees only about 1/3 is going towards the principal.
It’s not your problem to solve, it’s between your son and his GF. They’re both adults, why are you two involved?
But in general – he’s not paying her mortgage, he’s paying rent, so it’s more of a landlord tenant scenario. Most people would say the house is hers, she’s responsible for maintenance etc, he pays whatever they decide is fair rent, and they split utilities 50:50. That might change depending on other circumstances and is highly variable by couple and situation. Eg he does a lot of handyman work to the point that he’s substantially contributing to equity.
What’s up with your son that at 33 his parents feel the need to step in and protect him? Does he have an intellectual disability?
ETA – regarding your concern about his releasing his apartment, having no where to go and losing furniture etc. that’s just part of the risk of cohabiting with a partner. It’s usually offset by the money saved through shared costs of living.
Your wife should be banned from giving Tarzan advice in the future. Her proposal is one of the craziest things I’ve ever heard.
At the end of the day, Jane owns the place and she gets to dictate what his portion is. Tarzan gets to decide what’s worth it to him. 50/50 on all bills sounds pretty fair though, I guess. But I’m a firm believer that once you decide to tie your lives together by moving in, there shouldn’t be a your money and my money. There should only be our money.
It’s not either of your business.
Are these fake names or did u really name ur son Tarzan and he really met a girl named Jane?
TARZAN?!!?? Okkaaayyy, he’s your baby 🤷🏾♀️
This isn’t your problem. This is up to your son and his gf to find a solution. BEFORE they move in. If they can’t find a solution, then they still live separately.
It’s none of yours or your wife’s business.
There are so many ways to do this. But both parties need to be comfortable. And talk through it before you live together.
I don’t understand why you and your wife have ANY opinion on this. Your son is 33 and make his own decisions. And Jane should not give up ANY of the equity in her condo.
Your wife is nuts and if she is giving your son this “advice” don’t be surprised if eventually you guy are cut off.
I’m not sure if this is even real. You guys just seem to be very overbearing. I have kids in around your kid’s age. I gasped when I read this.
I’m still stuck on “Tarzan” & “Jane” 😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄
Tarzan no own anything… Tarzan rent. Tarzan no listen to crazy lady.
I’d advise the gf to make sure she sees a lawyer before moving your son into HER condo.
Figuring out how to share expenses before marriage is a great intro to how they plan on sharing expenses after getting married. I’m going to hope that the parents view is only something that they might tell Tarzan. I actually heard a similar short discussion years back when I drop by a friend’s place and she and her husband had just “had the bomb dropped” their daughter was planning on moving in. (Long since married and happy BTW).
But the father at the time was saying he thought his daughter should be made whole. In other words he didn’t want her paying to finance her boyfriend’s condo, and have nothing. Not sure how they worked it out but I understand his point. The point of the two of them moving in together was to “save money” 😁.
The person moving is is saving on rent presumably. Should there”rent” payment be based on 50% of the going rate to rent a similar condo / apartment? That’s very reasonable, as opposed to looking at what her mortgage expenses are which are kind of irrelevant seeing they’re based on a down payment she made the interest rate she was able to secure her creditworthiness etc.
As a non-owner however, it should be clear that Jane’s responsible for all costs associated with the property. Repairs, upgrades, taxes, condo fees. The pair either splits utilities or tarzana agrees to a set rate to mitigate.
Parents are old enough they should be smart enough to not get invested in this, and let the middle-aged children figure it out for themselves.
Rather than paying rent- he can contribute the equal amount utilities and shared food, and then they can split 50/50 or if she is paying all the bills since they are in her name- just give to her and no claim on the home- that’s not his at all. If he contributes to upgrading, he has a claim to the funds equal to what he put in, but not the whole property. Even if they got married, most states do not include major assets bought before the relationship as community property. (But some do, so check your state laws too)
Mom and Dad, step away, watch it happen, and don’t meddle
As Tarzan’s parents, you may advise him ONLY once, and then you step back and watch in silence. Tarzan and Jane have to navigate their own relationship and figure out their own terms. If things go south, and Tarzan has not negotiated Fair terms and he needs to struggle to find another place, that is a hard knocks life way of learning that we all experience multiple times in our lives. That will form him into the adult that he will become over time. That’s a way that we all gain experience, don’t take that away from him, because if you do it will be a disservice to his emotional growth and maturity over time
Yeah, well – being on the mortgage has all the benefits of co-signing for a car loan – if he’s not on the deed, he’s on the hook for the condo if things go bad but if things go good, he just helped her pay off her loan and it’s 100% her property. Sweet deal (for Jane)
At 33, your son is a grown man and this is not yours or your wife’s business. Tarzan and Jane need to figure out their own financial agreements.
I do urge anyone living with a partner in a home they have no stake in keep a savings account that is a sole & separate asset and that they NOT contribute to costs related to property maintenance or renovations without a clear reimbursement agreement…but how a couple decides to split living expenses is their business and you, as parents, need to stand down.
This situation needs legal advice not relationship advice.
Laws vary by country/jurisdiction, and they could be considered common law after a period of living together. Common law relationships don’t have the same rules for splitting assets etc compared to being married, but there could be some implications. Again, it depends on the jurisdiction.
I know that in my country, there’s such thing as unjust enrichment, where a partner who contributed to the household (repairs, bills, etc) would not walk away with zero. This is because that person’s contributions would give the home owner more equity, and the ability to pay down the mortgage more quickly. The partner who owns the home would legally be expected to provide some sort of compensation to the one moving out, otherwise the homeowner would be considered to have been unjustly enriched.