A year ago I got kicked out of home, not just kicked out, but sent to live in another country. My family and I had moved from Australia to New Zealand 10 months prior, and my mum sent me back to Australia 8 days after my 18th birthday. My three sisters still live with her, even my big sister who is 21 now.
To start with, she was paying my rent and groceries while I organized a form of income, she did not at all say I’d have to pay her back. When I finally did get income, (government payments) she insisted that I had to send her all of my backpay ($4k) and that I owed her for everything she payed for. She got my grandma to come to me so that I could sign some paperwork that would basically say I’m in no mental state to take care of my own money. When I refused, she cut all payments altogether, the income I was getting wasn’t enough to even cover rent, let alone groceries. My mum and grandma said it would be my own fault if I went homeless, and stopped talking to me altogether. I managed to get a job and now after ages of silence they’re coming back to me asking for me to pay them the money that I “owe” them.
AITAH for refusing? Should I have paid them? Should I say no now, or just pay them and try avoid the confrontation?
AITA for refusing to pay my mum back $11k after being kicked out of home?
r/AITAH
Comments
>so that I could sign some paperwork that would basically say I’m in no mental state to take care of my own money
If OP is not able to manage their money, then they aren’t capable of signing a form stating that!
I don’t even understand what they are asking for but no, you don’t have to give them money,
In my opinion I’d say your NTA because obviously if your getting government income it’s to help you get on your feet not give it all to her, your mom didn’t specifically ask you to pay anything back so it seems a bit ridiculous to me for her to randomly ask for it all back and then take away your income when you don’t want to give it because your using that to support yourself. Obviously that doesn’t make the situation any better since neither of you can get any income that way. Though now after silence, asking for the money back seems even more ridiculous considering what she did and how she definitely can’t be easily forgiven for that. As for whether you should pay them back or not is up to you with there be pros and cons for both solutions.
I don’t know how it works in Australia, but are there any government offices designed to help vulnerable adults near you? Often they focus on seniors and people with developmental disabilities, but as a young adult whose family apparently tried to make them homeless on purpose, you’ll likely quality for at least a few helpful conversations. Tell them your story, ask if there are measures you can take to protect yourself, and if there are related laws you should know about.
If you don’t know how to find that kind of office, try calling your local courthouse and ask them who you should talk to.
NTA, tell your mother to kick rocks. Go NC and live a better life without them. They threw you away, you owe them nothing.
You don’t need them in your life. You have proved that already. Put your energy into building your career and finding friends.
You owe them nothing. They have no legal claim.
BLOCK 🚫 THEM and go FULL NC‼️‼️
You don’t owe them if it was not given as a loan.
They have shown you who they are, BELIEVE THEM‼️‼️‼️
Move forward, and don’t look back at them.
Find out if there are organizations in your city that help displaced teens.
Take care, sweetheart.
Sending BIG HUGS 🫂
Updateme
Tell the pair of them that they are low-life massive scabs and to fuck off.
Got to be more to the story? She kicked you out for absolutely no reason?
Man I’d love to hear the mom and grandmas side of the story. Bet it would be a doozy.
It was your mom’s responsibility to take care of you until you came of age. She had you and you don’t owe her anything.
NTA Tell them to go fuck themselves and go no contact.
No
NTA!!!! Your mom and grandma can kick rocks.
Wow. At 18 you were legally an adult and your mother had no legal right to “send” you overseas. But you’re here now, and thankfully you’re separated from these arseholes by the Tasman Sea. Welcome to the rest of your life, and it’s going to be amazing!
Given that in your mother’s mind she was sending her child to live in a foreign country, it was absolutely her responsibility to financially support you. Don’t even think about giving her or your grandmother any money. Your mother got what she wanted – you off her hands – and she doesn’t get to come back now and demand money. That money you’re earning is yours, and you need it to support yourself and forge your own life.
You are going to rise above this and achieve great things, because you are strong and you work hard and possess enormous initiative. I suspect your mother’s hand will reach out quite often to try to grab some of that money you’re making. Just think of the joyous irony of it. She thought she was punishing you by sending you here, and here you are being the winner.
Your mom may be shitty, but she did give you enough money to live on until you were given aid from the government. You should pay her back if you are able to.
Why did your Mother kick you out? And not your older sister? Let’s hear that reason too but yeah she paid your rent etc…. She reckons it comes to $10K so how’d she arrive at that amount?
Well done getting a job and off benefits. Now go work your butt off a bit and go after something you love doing 🤗❤️
They invested in you, not because you’re their child/grandchild but because they wanted a pay out. Burn those decrepit bridges, in spectacular fashion if necessary. Go full NC and buy that I mean “if you’re not with me you’re against me”. Cut off anyone who maintains contact with them. Even if that’s everyone. Can’t take any chances they might be secretly working with them to come after you legally since you wouldn’t sign your life away willingly. Fuckem