I am 14, female. Not sure if I’m able to post here.
My sister and mom got into a argument.
Apparently, my sister was put off by a comment my mom said earlier about me having a better chance of going to a good college. My sister starts going off about how my mom’s always making me and her compete. (I didn’t know about this.) She started talking about how my mom’s always emotionally unavailable, and how she gets angry at us for crying or getting upset. (She does.) My mom started saying that she’s too busy providing for the family and says that she’s exhausted. She also says that my dad doesn’t help out, and she has to carry the burden all by herself. My sister starts talking about how me and her remember all the screaming and fights our parents had as kids, and how my dad was the only one to comfort us. She says that we’re only kids, and my mom is punishing us and holding us accountable like we’re adults. She also mentions how my mom would threaten to kill us as little kids, and how we still remember that. She doesn’t do crazy stuff like that anymore, except for when she held a knife to my fingers and threatened to cut them off because I was on my phone too much. I think she’s crazy. Anyways, I don’t know what to do. My sister also revealed the fact that she cuts herself, which I never knew because she’s mostly ignored me for the past couple years. That made me kind of sad. She also says that if she was in my shoes, she’d probably want to kill herself. Sorry if this is boring or hard to read. This is the first time I’ve talked or written about this. Advice?
Just found out why my sister hates me
r/Advice
Comments
Ehy is thst
Omg I’m so so sorry your going through this
17 here and am the oldest. Growing up with siblings, I had a lot of rivalry going on especially when I was young. My parents never really “made us compete” with each other but it was clear their actions and constantly changing favoritism orchestrated a lot of resentment among us.
I especially hated my younger sister (I was closer to my brother) as a young kid. Growing up and realizing it wasn’t mine nor her fault for the way our parents treated us was the time I started to stop fighting her. My mom
is also abusive so as my sister got older and became victim to the same abuse I also felt so much more empathy for her and sadness that history is just repeating itself. It will probably take time for you and your sister to heal. I learned that the resentment won’t go away on its own. I have an ok relationship with my sister (she is 12 and at a completely different stage of life. I just graduated HS and she just graduated elementary, so its also hard for us to really interact). Opening up to your sister may help but do so cautiously. In the end, situations like this need time and maturity to heal.
You should talk to your sister. Find some common ground in the way your mum treats you two. You both have to be strong and try and be each other’s emotional support.
I’m worried that your sister is cutting herself. Is there a teacher or some other adult you can confide in? She needs help or you could lose her permanently.