So, I (30M) have been dating my girlfriend (27F) for 2.5 years. We’ve talked about marriage for a while, and a few months ago, we even went to a jeweler together to design her dream ring. She was really excited, and I knew how much the surprise element of the proposal meant to her—she’s mentioned how important the surprise was since we started ring shopping and that it has been a childhood dream for her.
A few days ago, her car needed maintenance, so I offered to take it to the dealership for her. They told me it would take about 1.5–2 hours, and I realized this was the perfect opportunity to go pick up the ring, which had just been finished.
I didn’t want to ruin the surprise, so I tried to be sneaky. I turned off my location services (or at least I thought I did), called an Uber, and headed to the jeweler. It took about 45 minutes total. I picked up the ring—and for what it’s worth, I went WAY over budget to make sure it was exactly what she wanted—and then turned my phone service back on.
That’s when I saw several missed messages from her.
Turns out, I didn’t fully disable my location and she had checked it when I wasn’t answering her texts. She saw I was at the jewelry store and put two and two together. She confronted me immediately. I tried to cover it by saying I was still shopping around and negotiating prices at different jewelers.
She didn’t buy it.
I eventually came clean and told her the truth—that I had gone to pick up the ring. She flipped. She got really upset and said I “ruined” the entire proposal ( I have yet to propose). She said it felt like I didn’t care about her dream and that I was selfish for not trying harder to keep it a surprise. At one point, she even demanded I buy her a new ring
Now, I already felt awful. I knew how important the surprise was to her, and my stomach dropped when I saw those texts saying she knew where I was. But I never expected her to react with that much anger. She’s said some things that really hurt—like that I ruined the moment on purpose, and that I don’t listen or care about her feelings. I listened, apologize profusely, and tried hard to convince her to look at the bigger picture of our future. She didn’t appear to care about that or my feelings on the matter as this would have been a special moment for me as well.
I just wanted to surprise her with the ring she designed herself, and now I feel like I can’t win. She keeps asking “how are you going to fix this?”
I need help, what do I do. AITA for accidentally ruining the proposal surprise?
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So, I (30M) have been dating my girlfriend (27F) for 2.5 years. We’ve talked about marriage for a while, and a few months ago, we even went to a jeweler together to design her dream ring. She was really excited, and I knew how much the surprise element of the proposal meant to her—she’s mentioned how important the surprise was since we started ring shopping and that it has been a childhood dream for her.
A few days ago, her car needed maintenance, so I offered to take it to the dealership for her. They told me it would take about 1.5–2 hours, and I realized this was the perfect opportunity to go pick up the ring, which had just been finished.
I didn’t want to ruin the surprise, so I tried to be sneaky. I turned off my location services (or at least I thought I did), called an Uber, and headed to the jeweler. It took about 45 minutes total. I picked up the ring—and for what it’s worth, I went WAY over budget to make sure it was exactly what she wanted—and then turned my phone service back on.
That’s when I saw several missed messages from her.
Turns out, I didn’t fully disable my location and she had checked it when I wasn’t answering her texts. She saw I was at the jewelry store and put two and two together. She confronted me immediately. I tried to cover it by saying I was still shopping around and negotiating prices at different jewelers.
She didn’t buy it.
I eventually came clean and told her the truth—that I had gone to pick up the ring. She flipped. She got really upset and said I “ruined” the entire proposal ( I have yet to propose). She said it felt like I didn’t care about her dream and that I was selfish for not trying harder to keep it a surprise. At one point, she even demanded I buy her a new ring
Now, I already felt awful. I knew how important the surprise was to her, and my stomach dropped when I saw those texts saying she knew where I was. But I never expected her to react with that much anger. She’s said some things that really hurt—like that I ruined the moment on purpose, and that I don’t listen or care about her feelings. I listened, apologize profusely, and tried hard to convince her to look at the bigger picture of our future. She didn’t appear to care about that or my feelings on the matter as this would have been a special moment for me as well.
I just wanted to surprise her with the ring she designed herself, and now I feel like I can’t win. She keeps asking “how are you going to fix this?”
I need help, what do I do. AITA for accidentally ruining the proposal surprise?
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You already know how you “fix” this. NTA
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> I might be the asshole for not taking the time to make sure my location was off. This might make me the asshole because this entire situation could have been easily avoided
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. This is a sign from the universe, a bright neon sign that this woman cares more about the ring and the proposal and all the superficial things way more than she cares about marriage. She wants to be a fiancée and a bride, not be a partner and build a good life.
Ignore at your peril.
Honestly, why would you want to marry this woman? She set up hoops, and then she snooped, and then she blamed you for her own reaction. Maybe you’re someone who gets off on drama and if so, good luck and Godspeed, but this is such a weird way to approach life.
NTA… The fact that she’s more concerned about the “surprise proposal” rather than your future together, or your feelings speaks volumes as to her priorities in the relationship.
Given that it’s custom, I’m assuming returning the ring for a full refund is out of the question, but I’d definitely sell it, and after a cooling off period with time apart, decide if this is someone you want to be with long term.
You deserve to have someone that is a partner, and looking towards long term plans, rather than someone throwing a temper tantrum because she’s dissappointed in a childhood dream not being exactly how she imagined it. Is she going to act the same way if the wedding isn’t perfect? What about future kids, your house, etc…if something doesn’t fit her vision/plan, will you always be the one compromising?
It really sounds like she set you up for failure here. You didn’t ruin anything- all you did was go to pick up the ring, something you would have had to do anyway in order to propose. She already knew that the ring was in the works, and had no problem with that. This wasn’t the proposal itself, but a minor errand in order to prepare for it. She still has no clue how or when or where you planned to propose, other than “sometime soon.” So why does she think you ruined a moment that hasn’t even happened?
If she can’t give you a reasonable answer to this question, ask yourself whether you’re okay with her reacting this way whenever anything doesn’t go exactly the way she envisions. She’s giving you a sneak peek into the future: believe her when she shows you who she is. NTA.
You’re marrying her still?
How can it be a surprise when she already picked out the ring? And to react like that? Something fishy here.
NTA
NTA. You did nothing wrong. Your girlfriend however… There’s a list of ways she is the AT in this scenario.
She ruined her own surprise by tracking you. Is this something she does often? Are there trust issues at play here? Or is she just controlling? Because that’s not normal.
The whole “I have imagined this since I was a girl.” thing screams that she is invested in the trappings of the proposal and being a bride. She wants the ring, not the part that comes afterward.
To blame you for this and demand a new ring? Hell to the no. There is nothing for you to “fix.” Her attitude shows a marked lack of maturity. Perhaps it’s time to return the ring and rethink this entire situation. To quote so many others in this sub, “She’s shown you who she really is. Believe her.”
NTA. Holee carp, dude. She tracked your location (she doesn’t trust you), gaslit you because she ruined her own surprise, and made ridiculous demands for appeasement.
Do you really want a future with a person like this?
nta. truly listen to these comments bc any person who respects and loves you would not react like that
“…need help, what do I do…”
You break up with her. Her behavior was vile. She ruined her own surprise. She could have called you if she wanted to know where you were. Why is she tracking you like a minor. The demand for a new ring is ridiculous!
She cares more about her social media moment more than getting engaged to the person she I hope wants to spend the rest of her life with.
NTA
First of all I personally think there’s no surprise when you both go ring shopping. Second of all she seems extremely needy. Can’t even wait a while to get answers to texts so creepily snoops your location. I often don’t answer texts for hours. She ruined her own non-surprise. NTA.
NTA. My question is you both been together for 2-1/2 years and you would have recognized red flags earlier? She is behaving childishly. Go for couple therapy? It is an option. Otherwise, I don’t see any good for you if you decide to marry her.
NTA. I fail to see how this is your fault in any way. She is a petulant and ungrateful brat. Why do you feel like you ruined anything when she was the one spying your location? I’d show her how I’d make it up to her… by showing her the door.
NTA. If you’ve already discussed marriage and even bought the ring, how on earth will the proposal ever be a surprise? Your girlfriend sounds absolutely insane.
Nta surprise her by returning the ring and breaking up.
how big of a surprise can this be if you even went RING shopping together…. Jeez…
What?
Run run like the wind! If you can take the ring back, get your money put it towards a new place to live. If you’re living together move your shit out while she’s at work go no Contact quickly please leave. She’s freaking crazy. Definitely not the asshole you will be if you stay with this freak.
Jaysus, throw this one back. She’s not a keeper. 🐟🐠🎣
NTA – she wants the proposal and wedding, not the marriage. But YWBTA if you go ahead and marry her.
Walk away from her. This is what your future is going to look like… you doing your best, her sabotaging it and then convincing you that everything you’ve done failed to meet expectations. You are dodging a bullet here. Please take advantage of this gift of clarity and get rid of the girlfriend
You didn’t ruin it she did she has serious trust issues this is not a person you want to be with
NTA. She doesn’t trust you??? Helloo?? Are you sure you want to marry someone like this?
NTA
I really hope that jeweller has a return policy because your GF should not be upgraded to Fiancé.
This was not your fault and if she wanted a surprise so bad she should have taken your crappy excuse and left it alone, at the end of the day it’s not like you were in a hotel for 3 hours.
You were at a jeweller so any idiot could work out you were doing something nice for her. She set you up to fair so she could have a go.
you really wanna marry THIS? yta to yourself :/
Umm what? How can you even ask if you’re the AH? Bizarre behavior on her part
NTA- It’s easy to fix, break things off. Do you really want to set yourself up for a lifetime of manufactured drama? She sounds incredibly self absorbed, overly critical, and illogical.
She ruined it by tracking you. Like who does that. Do you want to put up with her attitude forever? NTA I don’t think she is right for you
Holy sh*t. You were so sweet and went above and beyond for her. She tracked your location and is mad at YOU? NTA. She is though and I’d take that ring back, get my money back and kick her to the curb.
“I knew how important the surprise was to her”
elaborate
dude, she’s manipulating you!
she wants a surprise but she checked your location? she’s the one who ruined the surprise and she demanded a new ring???
you DID NOT do anything wrong. there was no reason for you to apologize.
your gf is an awful person, I hope you open your eyes!
NTA
Your NTA. But still moving forward with this proposal after the disgusting, entitled, selfish, rude behavior from this woman would make you an asshole to yourself! She should be figuring out to make up to you for her shitty behavior.
NTA, I would be seriously reconsidering the whole proposal/marriage due to her behaviour.
I’m hoping you will realise your girlfriend doesn’t love you before you actually get around to proposing and definitely before getting married. She loves what you can do for her and how you make her and her life look, that’s all.
Also you went ring shopping together, how on earth was this proposal ever going to be a surprise?! She knows it’s coming, the surprise is already dead. She wants the people around her to think it’s a surprise when it happens, because she thinks she looks better that way.
Surprise her and don’t propose
Oh my god.
Please, please don’t marry this woman. She has an impressive level of manipulative capabilities if she’s treating you like a bad guy here for her blowing the surprise. You didn’t, she did, she wore you down and now is even demanding a new ring as a result of you not lying harder?
When people can twist reality like that for themselves, they’re never going to be able to be happy which will translate to, again, your fault. YOU will never make her happy, and she’ll tell you that for the rest of your time together.
Yeah, don’t marry this chick.
NTA. If she isn’t secure enough to let you be alone for several hours without checking on you, then she needs to work on herself first. Also she sounds emotionally exhausting and abusive. She is blaming you for her mistake and making you feel bad for it? No. Throw the whole woman away.
She designed the exact ring she wanted, likely guilted you into spending more than you wanted because of her “dreaaaam,” and then got pissed because she stalks your location when you’re doing a favor for her and finds out you picked up the ring she knew all about in the first place. Now you’re a huge monster. Right?
I can just imagine the fallout of you removing location settings and her demanding and wearing you down until you tell her. This isn’t about your relationship or marrying you, this is about a childish fantasy of hers that will never live up to reality.
I’d be majorly rethinking this relationship and be glad you saw her true colors early
You’re being manipulated
NTA. Why are you planning on marrying her? I’m exhausted just after reading your post, and you want to live like that?
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
NTA. She ruined it, not you. And now she’s throwing a fit. My question to you OP is: are you paying attention to what’s happening? Why is the surprise proposal more important than your future together? Why was she tracking you? Why is she blaming you when she’s the one who was following you via tracking and then insisted you tell her?
This is not a rational and mature reaction. I’m concerned about what she might do during an actual crisis.
I would pause for a moment and really consider this incident as a warning for how she will react in the future when things don’t go her way. She’s not willing to hear you out, and she’s steamrolling over your apologies.
Is this what you want for the rest of your life?
Marrying the person should be the priority. Yes, other stuffs do matter but only a little (saying it as a woman). The event that you described is pure stupidity. Your gf has a lot of growing up to do. If you still have brain cells left after dating this lady, RUN!
She doesn’t want a marriage, she wants a wedding. NTA and this behaviour would have me questioning EVERYTHING.
NTA. Since she loves surprises so much, give her the ultimate one by dumping her ungrateful ass. You are setting yourself up for a world of misery if you actually marry this woman…
I haven’t seen that question in the comments I’ve read, so here goes. You turned off your location, which isn’t a hard thing to do. And yet, she saw you. Do you think she has another location Software on your phone, that maybe not only tracks location but also sound or something? It all sounds so weird!
NTA in any case
Why is a 27 year old acting like a spoiled brat? Do not marry her! Why are you with her? She sounds awful!
TF did I just read here?? If this is real, your girlfriend is the one who ‘RUINED’ her own proposal by tracking your location (this is so gross, I hate that this is an accepted trend), and asking you about it! How the hell are you supposed to surprise her if she’s constantly tracking you?! And you know what? If you had turned your location off (this is why I think this is fake, cause how do you mess that up??) then she’d be pissed that it was off and accuse you of cheating! Right? Ridiculousness. How are you going to fix this? You’re not. She needs to grow tf up and stop tracking you.
Goodness, I wouldn’t even want to be friends with somebody behaving like your girlfriend, much less marry her. Is this level of entitlement what you want to live with?
By her standards, we probably weren’t even really engaged. I mean, I just suggested it would be a jolly good thing to get married, he enthusiastically agreed and four months later we got married. Didn’t even bother with a ring, because WE knew we were engaged – who else needs to care? We wanted to BE married, that’s kinda the main point – not all the fripperies around the engagement and the wedding that the industry has shoved down people’s throats (but which nobody has to swallow, their own choice as well!). Sounds like she only wants the fripperies and doesn’t really care about the actual being-married-lifelong-partner thing. RUN!!!
Oh, and NTA, obvs.
NTA
How are you going to fix this? That’s easy. You’re returning the ring and giving her the boot. She’s waving red flags like a its a gorram May Day parade in Soviet-era Moscow. Why in the hells would you EVER have your location turned on for others to see?
NTA. She is. You fix it by taking a good hard look at your relationship. How she’s being now is only a glimpse of the future.
NTA. She sounds way too immature to be even contemplating marriage. Here’s a tip – it’s not about the proposal! It’s about the love that you share and the excitement of building a life together. Girlfriend needs to get her head out of the clouds and stop insisting that everything is picture perfect. It’s not like you did it deliberately. All you did was go get the ring! I’d also be turning my location off completely in your shoes – that much surveillance of my every single move would seriously piss me off. She doesn’t need to know where you are every moment of the day. She has some growing up to do.
She’s fucking nuts. Please don’t marry her. You don’t deserve the torment and pain she’ll bring to your marriage. Sell the ring and get out while you can.
NTA. Please, do you really want this kind of drama for the rest of your life? Don’t buy another ring. The demands and dumb expectations will never stop. Maxbe take a step back and reflect if there weren’t any more red flags earlier.
Did ya get a receipt for that ring? NTA
You’ll be the AH if you marry this lunatic.
NTA. Please don’t marry that crazy B
NTA. She is behaving like a spoilt brat. Why does it matter she knows you got the ring? That doesn’t ruin the surprise. She knew you were going to get a ring in the foreseeable future. Also, having the ring doesn’t mean you’re proposing tomorrow, you’re just getting ready. My besties husband had her engagement ring for 3 monthd before he planned to propose.
This behaviour would seriously have me reconsidering marrying this person.
Red flag. Red comforter. Red house. Get out while you still can. She’s not someone you want to marry.
So much drama. You’re sure you want to propose? Also the whole tracking your location is just too much.
So… you bought a ring way out of budget to make her happy and it’s what she wanted… you then did her a favor and took her car in for service…and she’s angry with you for ruining a surprise. She’s the issue here.
NTA listen to her, take in exactly what you did in comparison, and weigh the two against each other. Is this how someone who loves you would act, or what they would care about? You literally did nothing wrong, did a whole lot right, and are being treated terribly for the effort. Run.
NTA. If she cared that much of a surprise she wouldn’t spoil it for herself by looking where you’re at any given moment. She had no place in saying you don’t care after all that you did for her sake and interests in the wedding. That comes out as controlling and manipulative to me, but what do I know?
Also, not to make you change your mind or anything, but her being mad like it was all for nothing, and demanding another ring… It sounds like she’s more into the wedding than being married, or with you for what’s worth.
What is it with these irrational proposal expectations? It’s not even about the man or his heart it’s about her experience. Find someone who would squeal about a plastic ring proposed in her living room because she gets to marry YOU
By your post it looks like it’s been a few days since that happened and she is still acting all unhinged? I hate to say it but is this really the girl you want to marry?
If yes, can you share some reasons why? Like, is this unusual behavior for her and she’s never acted this way before?
You should return the ring. And seriously consider if this is the way you want to be treated for the rest of your life…
Being sad or annoyed that she saw something accidentally does not mean the whole suprise is ruined. Why was she even checking your location?
So you took HER car in for maintenance, arranged for a custom ring she designed, did your best to make the proposal a surprise (although it sounds like anything short of Bezos Does Venice would have substandard to her)…and then:
”She didn’t appear to care about that or my feelings on the matter as this would have been a special moment for me as well.”
And THEN…
“She keeps asking “how are you going to fix this?”
This is a selfish, manipulative, high drama, messy person who doesn’t give much of a shit about you.
Why would you sign up for a lifetime of this?
If she loved you, she would pretend she had no idea that you went to pick up the ring.
Fix this by dumping her and going no contact. Don’t take her back unless she grovels and begs forgiveness! Her dreams are not the only ones that matter. You get to have dreams too!
Dude she sounds insufferable.
Having a childhood dream is understandable but learning to cope with the reality of life is way more important. She’s giving you shit for doing something she wanted but sabotaged. She’s being unreasonable. NTA. She’s being petulant.
How you fix this is by dumping her. And this is coming from someone who is not a champion of break ups and divorces, so I don’t say it lightly. She is being completely unreasonable and frankly has spades of entitlement in the place of intelligence, emotional or otherwise. NTA.
She knew you ordered a ring because she was with you so she knew eventually you’d have to pick it up. Getting the ring isn’t a proposal. She has ruined the entire thing to the point I would reconsider marrying her.
NTA- how are you going to fix this?!? She was tracking your movements like a stalker. She didn’t need to do that. She’s crazy for demanding you buy her a new ring. You’re supposed to get married because you love each other. Her reaction is horrible.
NTA
Do you really want to marry someone this immature?
She’s ruining all of this herself, not you.
Also, it sounds like she wants an instagrammable engagement+ring and a wedding party and not an actual marriage.
> She keeps asking “how are you going to fix this?”
“I am going to permanently disable all location tracking services on my phone since you can’t figure out how to act right when you have access to that information.”
She snooped and ruined the surprise all on her own. Whether she snooped using location tracking or ruffled through your panty drawer is irrelevant. She snooped, she ruined it for herself. Stop apologizing for something you’re not responsible for. You can tell her you’re sorry she’s upset (because it’s normal to be sorry for your partner when they’re upset), but you are not responsible for the thing that’s making her upset and she is beyond wrong for taking it out on you.
If she can’t get herself together one way or another you need to seriously rethink where you are in this relationship. You’re NTA but this reaction from her is extremely concerning.
Also consider: either she was snooping on your location because she thought you were going to pick up the ring and is punishing you for being right, or she was snooping because she doesn’t trust you out of sight for an hour and a half at a time. Whichever scenario is true, you have a huge fucking problem.
……..why was she tracking your location in the first place? That’s like…not a normal thing to do on a day to day basis. You need to reconsider the big picture here.
Not an asshole but a dumb ass. You should have realized your phone location services were on when you were able to get an Uber.
Think long and hard now, to love someone you feels is right but treats you so wrong over simple no answering because you mistook turning your phone off, you were wanting to surprise her but here she was in the wrong full of questions when finally told the truth which probably would been best as the truth sets you free no explaining needed. Questioning she got what she wanted and yes ruined her own proposal. Should she had left it alone a surprise would been great, figuring you forgot your phone in the car but not her this is a bad start of controlling a married life she’s still immature. This is only going to be the first they will get harder as you progress to satisfy her unless she in control so take that a the first red flag, and or give going together a couple more years together to see how they go save your money as marriage not taking place will be so much cheaper then a DIVORCE,,
This can’t be a real story. I just don’t buy it.
Bro return the ring and then say goodbye. Unhinged behavior.
Run!!! Now!!!
She ruined her own surprise!
She is being unreasonable and hurtful.
And btw – anyone that cares about the proposal more than your love and your well-being is not worth the effort.
Maybe don’t stalk your boyfriends location every two hours if you don’t want to know what he’s doing? NTA and she sounds awful to deal with
NGL, this is a blessing in disguise. Your NTA and your gf’s reaction is nothing but red flags, which you’d ignore to your peril. Any well-adjusted girl would appreciate the effort you went to and find the humour in how it panned out.
NTA. Her stalker ass ruined it. Tracking software, really?
NTA! Beyond the obvious fact that you didn’t ruin anything (you designed the ring together, surely she knew it would need picking up at some point?!), she sounds really controlling.
I don’t share locations with my husband unless I’m heading home when it’s dark outside or on my way to meet him somewhere I guess the whole concept of her having access to your location at all times is quite alien to me. But still, I think it’s very telling that you don’t reply for less than an hour and she goes straight to checking where you are!
I was going to try and give her the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe she overreacted in the moment and would admit she acted unreasonable once she calmed down but it’s been days and she is still expecting you to “fix” it? There’s a tendency on Reddit to go straight to “Break up/Divorce that person!” at any inconvenience. I’m not suggesting you break up with her here and there, but I would encourage you to reevaluate the relationship and really think about whether you can find other red flags you might have overlooked/examples of her being controlling or unreasonable in the past or whether this is a one-off that is completely out of character. Make her read the comments here if you need to, but I wouldn’t take this lightly.
Good luck, OP! You sound like a lovely and caring partner and didn’t do anything wrong!
Fix this by dumping her. She’s far too immature for marriage or even a relationship. RUN like hell OP!
Return the Ring and run, run as fast as you can. If she’s that insane now, imagine planning a wedding with her. You’ll get divorced within a year anyway, why not skip the middle part. No way this is the first time she blew up over nothing. NTA
You fix it by breaking up with her, returning the ring, and find someone who’s not so immature and crazy. The tracking you so closely is crazy and so is being upset that you picked up the ring.
I knew my now husband had bought a ring, but I was still surprised at how and when he did propose. So no, you’re NTA for picking up the ring. But please consider how her behavior may escalate in the future and how it will affect you.
NTA but my brother in Christ… RUN.
This is absolutely unhinged behavior.
NTA OP do you want to be with someone who treats you like this?
NTA she went snooping on you and you ruined it. You did nothing. She was a snooping brat who ruined everything. She sounds very immature
Sorry that everything that goes wrong in this relationship has been all your fault. You didn’t only walk on eggshells around her but also have to do everything as she requested/demanded.
Is this what you want in your life? Does she even like you?
run, as fast and as far as you can
My dude…. Your girlfriend isn’t mature enough for marriage if she’s this obsessed with everything being ‘perfect’ and demanding a new ring. NTA but you will be to yourself if you don’t take a step back and reevaluate things.
She ruined her own proposal. How you fix this is by breaking up with a person who not only creates a problem, but intentionally spoils something and then makes it your problem. She is projecting – SHE ruined the moment on purpose, SHE doesn’t care about your feelings, and SHE’s mind-bogglingly selfish.
I hide xmas gifts in a particular cupboard in the house. Everyone knows this (no young kids involved). If anyone decides to snoop in the closet and ruin their own xmas, that is a them problem. They get zero sympathy from me. It hasn’t happened in years, because the last time it happened I just let them have their ruined xmas.
If she wants a “surprise” proposal, she has to give you space to make a surprise. That would involve conveniently not noticing that you might be in a position to pick up a ring. Then somehow not managing to figure out why you are going for a walk in the park at sunset/have reservations at your special restaurant/are wearing the same hoodie you were wearing when you met/etc.
NTA. YOU didn’t ruin anything. SHE did.
NTA. Are you sure this is the kind of mariage you want ? It almost feels like a sign you cannot ignore. She looks INSANE and veryyyy demanding. Massive red flag in my opinion.
First of all, why is she stalking you ?
And if she put two and two together, why did she told you she saw where you were ? Why didn’t she leave you alone instead of insisting so much ? And now she’s even complaining ? It’s totally insane.
Also, I feel like she’s more interested in the wedding and perfect proposal, than into your relationship and your feelings, if that makes sense.
Whoa.
NTA, man and I would really really evaluate everything and have a very serious discussion with her cause her behavior and reaction is absolutely uncalled for imo.
Man if she’s acting like this now I can’t imagine how she would be for the actual wedding or any sort of major event in your life, she already sounds draining emotionally.
Picking up the ring doesn’t mean you’re gonna drop the question as soon as you get home. She’s ruining her own shit by tracking where you are all the time if she cares about that so badly
Is this normal for her? The overreacting for things that haven’t even happened yet. What if you don’t agree on something or she isn’t getting her way, can she talk things through rationally or is it a big emotional thing?
I’d be looking very closely at her other behaviour, so far she sounds extremely selfish. Is the location tracking a safety thing or does she look at your location often? I’m just worried about other potential controlling/monitoring behaviour.
Take this for the red flag it is and hold off on the proposal for a good while. You guys haven’t been together that long in the scheme of things.
Nta this is unhinged behavior. How did you ruin it by “not being sneaky enough”? How are you supposed to sneak anything when she’s willing to stalk you?
I’ve never had access to my partners location and he’s never had access to mine. It’s called trust which clearly doesn’t exist on her side of your relationship. I’d be questioning to whole marriage if I were you.
NTA She is showing you who she really is, are you sure she’s someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? She seems to be just awful and she’s the one who’s ruining this.
Stop apologising to her and take some time ro figure out if this is the life you want. I don’t belive this is the first time she’s showing red flags, but if it is, this red flag is a huge one.
Buddy, its a shame you found this out *after* you had bought the ring.
NTA but are you really going to be brown beaten like this for the rest of your relationship with her for perceived slights?
Give me an R! Give me a U! Give me an N!
NTA She sounds like a child.
NTA. Why TF is she tracking your location? She spoiled her own surprise.
NTA please update me with “I dumped my girlfriend”
Step 1. Get your money back on that ring.
Step 2. 🤷♂️
Run for the hills. Do not marry this chick. She’s a walking red flag 🚩
RUNNNNN.
NTA
She’s not your boo bro. You’ll find someone good who won’t freak out on you over the tiniest, stupidest shit, and who also won’t try to manipulate you. It’ll only escalate from here. Good news is she showed her red flags before you got married!
NTA, but can you imagine reading a post from a girl that says “…. So after I didn’t instantly answer his texts, he tried to track my location and when that didn’t work he was so angry’
That sounds an awful lot like controlling, abusive behaviour to me. Trust me when I say that kind of stuff doesn’t get better over time. This isn’t a red flag babes, it’s a neon sign the size of an IMAX. I want to encourage you to spend some time really really considering her behaviours and her treatment of you before you do anything with that ring. Abuse, spousal abuse, is not just about men, women are often the abusers too.
NTA, this sounds like your girlfriend has some major trust issues or something.
Why on earth is she watching your location?! In my entire nearly 10 year relationship not once have I thought of tracking my husband.
She is putting all the blame on you because she doesn’t want to take accountability for her actions. If she can’t take accountability for her own actions she never will in marriage. Please reconsider even asking for her hand.
NTA. She’s the one who ruined it. She was the one who wouldn’t just relax and wait for a few hours. She looked up where you were. If she wasn’t such a spoiled brat that has to have everything her way, she could have realized you were at the jeweler’s and then kept her mouth shut and waited for the surprise. With how she’s behaving, if you marry her, don’t be surprised if you’re miserable and before you’ve hit five years you’re looking up divorce attorneys.
A “dream” proposal? Does she realize life isn’t social media? We shouldn’t curate our lives, we should live them.
NTA Don’t marry this woman. The rest of your life will feel just like you do now.
NTA. But she sounds like a walking red flag. She ruined her own surprise if she wants to blame someone. Although calling it “being ruined” simply because she knows you have the ring is a bit far-fetched. She didn’t know the when or how. She could have still been surprised if she wasnt acting like this. And to be honest, to me it also seems weird to be checking on a partner’s location after not being able to answer a phone call – people can be at work, in meetings, have other errands to run, whatever. Checking someone’s location every time they don’t reply immediately is a bit psychotic in my book
OP, if she’s like this over the ring, any ‘surprise’ proposal will never live up to her dream and she will blame you. Anything that goes wrong on the wedding day, she will blame you. In fact anything that goes wrong in her life, she will blame you. Seriously think about if this is how you want to live for the next forty or fifty years. If you don’t, then you know what you need to do.
NTA. Get out while you still can.
How many red flags do you need? Dump her. NTA.
It’s real life not a fairy tale… Why is she tracking your location… Why is she mad at you when she ruined the surprise…
Sounds exhausting… Won’t get better when your married..
This feels like a major red flag 🚩
NTA. How much of a surprise does she want when she tracks your every move and designs the ring herself!? If you like crazy marry her if you’re normal leave
This woman is a pain in the ass
She doesn’t want a marriage she wants a proposal and a wedding. Don’t propose. OP NTA
If she really wanted to be surprised, she wouldn’t have insisted on designing her own ring. She’s ridiculous
How about you surprise her by returning the ring and leaving her. This woman is one of those who is way more invested in being a “bride” than in being a spouse/partner. Run away while you still can. You went way above and beyond to make her dream come true and she ruined it and blamed you for it.
NTA but there are hard times ahead of you.
OP, I‘m with my husband for 13 years. I‘ve never looked at his location, especially not when he doesn’t answer a text for 45 minutes while he is running an errand. Your girlfriend doesn’t trust you and instead of owning that she ruined the surprise herself by looking at your location she doubles down and blames you and demands you „make it up to her“. What exactly is there to make up to her? You’re already scrambling to apologise and it is not enough for her. Do you really want to live your life like this?
She’s projecting! She messed up and instead of keeping it to herself, she let you know because she could blame you.
Really sorry for your loss man, but it’s definitely for the best in the long run. Just sounds so unbearable and annoying. You know someone like that is going to hold it over your head for the rest of your life. Cut your losses.
Also, definitely NTA. At all.
I really hope you are listening. Too many people have had to learn the hard way, that when someone shows you who they really are, that you need to believe them! This should be a wake up call that links up a lot of other behaviors that you’ve looked past.
Hopefully we’ll see a new post soon saying, “AITAH for dumping my psychopathic fiancée?”
Oh my gosh, What a time to get a big honking red flag! I am so very sorry.
Surely you have had inklings of something amiss in her behaviors before now?
If you still want to go ahead and marry her, I would just keep it simple- propose at your home or hers, do not plan anything fancy- if she truly loves you and wants to marry her, gauge her reception to this- she should be jumping up with joy, hugging you and showering you with smooches!
Good luck!
She must’ve known you were going to propose because you went ring shopping and she still doesn’t know when you’re gonna propose and at this point, she doesn’t know if you’re going to propose! I can’t imagine how she wants you to fix things and you should want her to fix her behavior onfollowing you when you were doing something for her
Dude, RUN!! This is your chance to get away from her. She is being ridiculous.
NTA, but I agree with the others – this girl is too high maintenance. Cut her loose and return the ring (assuming you can).
Run, my dude
Your girlfriend is incredibly immature
INFO: you should check her DOB on her passport because she sounds like she might be 14.
How exactly is the surprise spoiled at all? You haven’t proposed, and she already knows you were going to buy that ring because she helped design it (so her knowing you bought the ring can’t be the spoiled surprise).
She doesn’t know when you’re going to propose. For all she knows you could be planning to throw that ring in the back of the closet for months and propose a long time from now.
NTA, but I don’t even understand her logic on the surprise being spoiled at all, to say nothing of the overreaction.
OP her behaviour sounds like borderline personality disorder. The tracking you, creating drama out of thin air, blaming you, gaslighting, making you responsable for fixing her emotions..
Please read into BPD and see if it could be that. And then run for the hills. You will be in for a lifetime of drama.
She is one big red flag! You did her a favor taking her car in, which she knew about, and then she tracked you because you didn’t respond for a few hours? Now she’s mad at YOU? She immature and nowhere ready for marriage. Take the ring back!
Nta. She wants to know how you are going to fix this. How is she going to fix being a b*. If this wasn’t a gigantic red flag for you I don’t know what is. Time to let this one go. A person that really loves you would not have treated you so badly.
Do not break up with her alone. Have someone with you as a witness because she will not take it well and at this point I would not put it past her to accuse you of doing stuff you didn’t do.
NTA. SHE RUINED IT HERSELF BY TRACKING YOUR LOCATION. Dam, girl, if you WANT a surprise, give the man a bit of privacy! Not to mention that didn’t ruin anything because having the ring does not equate to “I’m asking you to marry me tomorrow” you could have that ring six weeks or six days pop up with a question anytime. She already designed the ring so she’s no more unsurprised than she was before. I agree with the other poster. This woman sounds like a nightmare. please return that damn ring and don’t ask her to marry you.
That’s one of the most batshit insane things I’ve ever read. NTA. I honestly don’t see how you could’ve tried harder to hide what you were doing.
Jesus christmas, you sure you want to marry this one? Sounds like hell. On second thought, go ahead, take one for the team, please.
She ruined the surprise for herself. She didn’t have to snoop but she did. You tried to keep it a surprise and when. You didn’t succeed in doing to she gives you hell for “ruining the proposal”.
Is this a normal thing she does in your relationship? If not try talking it out with her to get a better idea why shes blowing it so out of proportion. If it is maybe rethink proposing for a while.
Geez. She tracks you every minute? She ruined her own damn proposal. I really hope this isn’t real because if it is you’re signing up for a lifetime of misery, friend. I’ve been married 31 years and this kind of high maintenance woman is not who you want to be tied to forever. She has impossible expectations.
There’s something wrong with her…it would have been a problem if she checked you location and found out you turned it of to.
Just say I lied the other day, I was in an apartment with a women in the neighbor building to the jeweler, I’m having an affair with a woman there. That will give her a surprise.
… Why do you even want to marry someone who acts like this? Is this really how you want to be treated for the rest of your life?
Run!
Yoooooo, that’s insane. 2.5yrs isn’t that long. You have time to start over without someone being that possessive.
NTA.
RUN.
If this is not rage bait, NTA. This woman seems absolutely bat shit bonkers and insufferable. Going ring shopping together automatically nixes any surprise. I had no idea a proposal was coming when I was proposed to- I even missed the hint of the giant diamond shaped ice cube in my stocking!! Why is she checking your location like a psycho? I only do that when my husband hasn’t returned from mountain biking and I’m actually worried for his safety. This girl is off her rocker.
NTA. There is nothing you can do right for her, clearly. If I were you, I’d end the relationship and sell the ring. You deserve better. A proposal should be special for BOTH of you, not just the woman.
She’s too high-maintenance and thinks the world revolves around her.
Sincerely,
A woman who has been happily married for 25 years.
NTA
I know you love her. 2.5 years is also a long time.
But look at this behaviour that day. Really look at it. Replay in your mind what she said to you and let yourself feel, again, how you felt in that moment. Consider the whole thing: all your money, time, and effort, and how she acknowledged all of that.
This is what your life with her will be. This is what you choose when you put a ring on it.
Is this really what you want for your life?
NTA. I’m very wary about people who have these “dream” ring/proposal/wedding fantasies. Nothing will ever live up to it and the important thing should be the marriage and relationship. It would be hard to tell if they were in it for the actual partnership and future with you or just to have that dream ring/proposal/wedding.
Wow she’s unhinged. You really want to marry her? NTA but you are to yourself
NTA. SHE ruined her surprise.
Not the AH. She ruined the surprise herself by tracking you. That’s actually kinda creepy. Are you sure you want to be with this kind of person ?
INFO: what action did you take that ruined the suprise? And please don’t say “turn of my location services”, there’s more than one way to get around that.