Before anything, I’d like to say that english isnt my first language, so there may be sentence structures here that seem off— partly due to my frustration— so I would just like to apologize in advance. Thank you.
I recently turned 18, and on my birthday, my grandmother threw w small celebration for me. I invited my friends over, thought most of the guests were my family and close cousins. I’d also like to mention that I’m not very close with my mother. At all. She’s remarried and I have a half-sibling, who I used to be close with as a child but since they left me with my grandmother, I grew apart from. My half-sister, who I’ll call Jamie (14f) used to be such a sweet little girl. I hardly recognize her anymore as my mom has turned her into this spoiled brat. From what I’ve been told, Jamie was caught using vapes in school, as well as getting into a lot of trouble. It’s also worth mentioning that while they left me with my grandmother, they moved to the city and lived an unbothered life without me.
So, my mom and Jamie arrive at the party (that my grandmother threw, id also like to very much emphasize that ONLY my grandmother threw this party for me. My mother did not contribute anything whatsoever) and Jamie hands me a gift. It was a plushie of a duck which I found really cute. However, my mother started snooping around my gifts the entire night, not even just staring at the wrappers, she was full on opening them in front while everyone was eating, chatting.
At the end of the night, I saw her open a bottle of perfume that a close friend got for me, it wasn’t anything high end, but it was special enough for me because a friend gave it to me. I saw my mother showing it to Jamie, before stuffing it into her bag (Jamie, not my mother). I confront her about it, ask her why she’s taking my perfume. She says she and jamie both like the perfume and they’d like to take this in exchange for the gift they brought me. I didn’t want to make a scene so I pulled them outside and talked to them that way. I tried to remain calm, I really did, but Jamie was being so dismissive, telling me that it was just a perfume and I should just let her and mom take it so the conversation doesn’t drag on. I didn’t want to deal with it any further so I took the perfume from their hands, took all of the other gifts and placed them upstairs into my grandmothers room. I went back downstairs and I was told they had already left.
After the party, I received a few messages from my mother, telling me that she didn’t raise me to be so ungrateful that I can’t even give up a bottle of perfume. I haven’t responded either, nor did I tell my grandmother what really happened yesterday. My mom and Jamie are both obviously so upset with me, so I guess its up to you now, people of reddit, to convince me: Am I the asshole?
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Before anything, I’d like to say that english isnt my first language, so there may be sentence structures here that seem off— partly due to my frustration— so I would just like to apologize in advance. Thank you.
I recently turned 18, and on my birthday, my grandmother threw w small celebration for me. I invited my friends over, thought most of the guests were my family and close cousins. I’d also like to mention that I’m not very close with my mother. At all. She’s remarried and I have a half-sibling, who I used to be close with as a child but since they left me with my grandmother, I grew apart from. My half-sister, who I’ll call Jamie (14f) used to be such a sweet little girl. I hardly recognize her anymore as my mom has turned her into this spoiled brat. From what I’ve been told, Jamie was caught using vapes in school, as well as getting into a lot of trouble. It’s also worth mentioning that while they left me with my grandmother, they moved to the city and lived an unbothered life without me.
So, my mom and Jamie arrive at the party (that my grandmother threw, id also like to very much emphasize that ONLY my grandmother threw this party for me. My mother did not contribute anything whatsoever) and Jamie hands me a gift. It was a plushie of a duck which I found really cute. However, my mother started snooping around my gifts the entire night, not even just staring at the wrappers, she was full on opening them in front while everyone was eating, chatting.
At the end of the night, I saw her open a bottle of perfume that a close friend got for me, it wasn’t anything high end, but it was special enough for me because a friend gave it to me. I saw my mother showing it to Jamie, before stuffing it into her bag (Jamie, not my mother). I confront her about it, ask her why she’s taking my perfume. She says she and jamie both like the perfume and they’d like to take this in exchange for the gift they brought me. I didn’t want to make a scene so I pulled them outside and talked to them that way. I tried to remain calm, I really did, but Jamie was being so dismissive, telling me that it was just a perfume and I should just let her and mom take it so the conversation doesn’t drag on. I didn’t want to deal with it any further so I took the perfume from their hands, took all of the other gifts and placed them upstairs into my grandmothers room. I went back downstairs and I was told they had already left.
After the party, I received a few messages from my mother, telling me that she didn’t raise me to be so ungrateful that I can’t even give up a bottle of perfume. I haven’t responded either, nor did I tell my grandmother what really happened yesterday. My mom and Jamie are both obviously so upset with me, so I guess its up to you now, people of reddit, to convince me: Am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I did not give my mother the bottle of perfume 2. I think I might have chosen to not make peace with my mother when I couldve just given them what they wanted
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You should know the answer. They are thieves. You should have taken it back and had them leave. No one gives you a gift in exchange for taking one from you later.
NTA- your mother is horrible. It was not a White Elephant party, so your mother isn’t permitted to select one of your gifts in exchange for her own.
Absolutely NTA. Your mother and half-sister sound horrible. Happy belated birthday!
NTA, man. They gave u a gift and then tried to trade it for another one? That’s just plain sketchy, and it ain’t bout the perfume, it’s the principle of it. Just cuz they’re fam, doesn’t mean they got a free pass to act like d-bags. And mate, don’t let them guilt-trip you into thinking u’re being ungrateful. Stand ur ground, bro. You do you!
NTA
no need to respond to either of them.
But do tell your grandmother everything that happened. She may choose to not include them in future events. At a minimum, she needs to know what you are dealing with.
Nta, they gave you a gift then tried to steal something they liked more, who does that?? Your mom and jamie were way out of line. Dont they have common sense? You handled it way calmer than most would
Yeah NTA at all, that was some ridiculous stunt for them to try and pull, taking your birthday gift shows how little they care about anything but themselves. I would tell your grandmother the whole thing and let her deal with them so you don’t have to anymore, and let her know you don’t want to see them until something changes.
NTA. Go NC from now on.
NTA…
Would respond to the birth hole that she didn’t raise you, and from how your half sister behaves, you thank her.
NTA
Your mother seems very immature, taking a present from her daughter as well???
I think you already know you’re NTA. They sound very toxic and I wouldn’t blame you if you went NC. That woman is no mother.
NTA
In fact, she didn’t really raise you, did she?
NTA
And please tell your grandmother what happened so that she is prepared when your mother and Janie tell her how ungrateful you are (which you obviously aren’t!).
Did you check that nothing else went missing?
It takes a real nerve to openly steal one of your daughter’s birthday gifts. Gross
NTA. I think it might be a good idea to talk to your grandmother about your party. Start by telling her what a wonderful party and you are so grateful to her. Then tell her about your mother opening your gifts and trying to leave with the perfume you received as a gift. It’s important that your grandmother knows that if she invites your mother or half sister, any gifts should be locked in a room where your mother can not get to it. I’m sorry your birthday party ended with your mom and sister being selfish and rude.
NTA. First of all: “I didn’t raise you to be so ungrateful”?? Ma’am. You didn’t raise her at all. That’s the real joke here.
You were literally left with your grandmother while your mother went off to play happy little family in the city, and now she has the nerve to act like she had any say in the kind of person you became? She outsourced parenthood and now wants to complain about the “result”? Please.
You were more respectful than most people would’ve been in that moment. They tried to steal something that was gifted to you, something meaningful, not just “a perfume.” It’s not about the cost, it’s about the fact that it was yours. And the idea that they could exchange a gift they gave you for something else from your pile like it’s a swap meet is completely unhinged.
Your mom and Jamie showed up to a party they didn’t help with, snooped through gifts like greedy children, then tried to guilt-trip you for standing up for yourself. You didn’t escalate it. You didn’t cause a scene. You didn’t even out them publicly. You calmly removed your things and protected your space. That’s not ungrateful, that’s boundaries. And it sounds like your mom has a real problem respecting those.
Tell your grandmother; you don’t owe your mother anything here, especially not silence.
Stay strong, and don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem when they were the ones acting shameless.