Hi All,
I’m F18 and I’ve been with my boyfriend 23 for 2 years. Lately – actually, for a while now -he’s been making comments about my appearance that really hurt me. The worst part is, he regularly calls me “ugly” either directly or in subtle, dismissive ways. Sometimes it’s “joking,” sometimes it’s said during arguments, and other times it just comes out of nowhere.
At first, I thought maybe he was just teasing or being insensitive. But it’s become a pattern. When I bring it up and tell him it hurts, he either brushes it off, says I’m too sensitive, or turns it into a joke. He never really apologizes.
It’s taken a serious toll on my self-esteem. I’ve started second-guessing how I look, avoiding mirrors, and feeling incredibly self-conscious when I go out. I used to feel okay about myself, but now I feel like I’m always comparing myself to others or wondering what he really sees in me.
I don’t understand why someone who’s supposed to love and care for me would keep putting me down like this. I’ve tried to communicate my feelings, but I always end up feeling dismissed.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I still love him, but this is breaking me down. Help?
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You break up.
That’s not right I would leave yesterday
2 years? So he was 21 and you were 16?
Wdym what do you think your boyfriend hates you calls you ugly?? If your sister asked for this what would you say to her?
People who love you don’t regularly make you feel bad about yourself. That’s not love. Someone who loves you will want to make you happy.
Please leave this idiot. You deserve better.
It is far better to be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable.
Wtf? Occasional teasing is fine. But when it gets too far it’s too far. Sounds like it’s time to put a boot indent on his ass.
He’s watched too much manosphere. He’s trying to break you down, so you’ll do whatever he wants without complaint.
What the hell? and why did he go out with you in the first place if he thought this? ditch this boy he sounds an inconsiderate childish bore. I’m sure there will be plenty of decent men who would be interested in meeting you.
I know you might it might be hard to hear, but /r/relationship_advice sees situations similar to this a lot, and the advice is always to leave.
Your boyfriend probably was interested in you when you were 16 in part because you were much younger than him and therefore easier to influence. Now he is insulting you to lower your self-esteem, so that he can discourage you from leaving and maintain control over you. Making you feel bad so you lose confidence is the point.
What you described not what a healthy relationship looks like. And the fact that you love him is not sufficient for the relationship to last or be something you should stay in.
You should leave him and find someone who treats you well. He’s probably not going to change.
Dump
Him..
16 and 21 is vile enough. Now you’re telling us he is actively gaslighting you, insulting you to your face, belittling and humiliating you. But you love him.
Girl, wake tf up and gtfo of that mess
Okay honey, first of all your relationship started when you were 16 and he was either 19 or 21. Either way, that’s not okay. That age gap, especially at that stage in life, is a major red flag.
Second, no partner who truly loves and respects you would ever “joke” about something hurtful like that. Let me be real with you there is no teasing, no joking, no excuse. Words like that don’t just slip out. He knew it would hurt you, and he said it anyway.
You’re 18 now. You’re still incredibly young, and this is a grown man acting like a child. If he hasn’t matured by now, he’s not going to. You owe it to yourself to step back and realize that this is not what love should feel like.
If you want to get rid of the ugly in this relationship get rid of him. I promise you, you’ll feel 100 times more beautiful, strong, and free without his negativity dragging you down.
You do not need someone toxic in your life, especially not an adult man who was already crossing lines when you were still a minor. You deserve someone who respects you, builds you up, and values your heart not someone who plays mind games and calls it “teasing.”
So please, do yourself the biggest favor leave him. Like this second
You exercise some self-respect and break up with him. Someone who loves you wouldn’t treat you like that.
Immediately go through his phone, men tend to be looking at certain things online that aren’t you!!!
Take it from an older woman: you deserve better. Time to show him the door
He is using a well-known misogynist technique to deliberately make you insecure. Break up immediately. No future contact. Sorry you had to learn this lesson so young.
Get away from this person. He’s never going to learn empathy and how to treat someone right, no matter what you say, if you continue to validate his behavior through your participation in the relationship. You need to understand that love is something that is reciprocated through action. You are attached to him emotionally, because you care about him as a person. He is attached to you emotionally, because you validate who he is and how he behaves. He doesn’t love you or he wouldn’t treat you in that way and would care about how you feel, he loves that your presence makes him feel worthwhile when on the inside he knows he is not worthwhile (he is broken). If you really love him, and want what’s best for both him and you, leave him and don’t go back to him in order to give him the chance to positively change due to no longer having a person whose presence validates his behavior.
You get your phone out you bring up his number and you click block
I think the minute you let him go he’s going to realize something about himself and that’s gonna let him find a very handsome man to make his boyfriend. Misogyny is a big shield for in the closet, homosexual men. Let this boy go and let him grow his rainbow wings, and you can find someone who really appreciates you. Years later, you’ll both laugh about it. But you don’t deserve this right now just because he’s confused.
Dump him
You’re too young to put up with that shit. Ditch this guy and have fun going out with your friends as a single person. The right person will come along when you least expect it
Hes been grooming you since you were 16 to accept abuse. I was on this exact path at your age with a 22 yr old bf. I finally left when he locked me in the bathroom for a full weekend and sat outside the room burning whatever on the floor to fill the room with smoke. I was sick for weeks after. This was the final straw for me to call my folks and go back home. Prior to that he “sold” me to his friends so he could watch. Cut chunks of my hair off while I slept. Called me ugly, fat, stupid etc all in front of his friends but in those ways that are hard to defend “it’s too bad you arent smart enough to get that i was joking when I said your ass was as wide as a truck, dont be so sensitive it makes you even uglier”.
Leave him. Don’t tell him, just go. And get a TRO.
What do you mean you don’t know what to do? That man is trash. Leave him.
firstly wtf is a 21yo doing chasing a 16yo. Secondly… drop this shit brick. He has taken advantage of a child and he calls you names to put self-doubt in your mind. You will think you are not good enough and that he will be the best you’ve ever had but he’s not. Seriously leave this POS. You deserve better. love yourself.
Life is too short to be miserable. Dont waste 10 years on someone that doesn’t make you feel like the queen of the universe. Yes relationships are not all roses and puppy dogs. But at the very least when you see your man he should grab you with both arms and make you feel good. Ditch this loser and go find a good man. There are plenty out there, but recently we have been made to feel like we can’t approach women. So go get yourself and good one or even dare I say be single for a while and focus on yourself. Travel, get an obsession … either way you will be better off without him.
Time for you to show him the door and free yourself to find someone who loves and respects you.
He’s negging you so you don’t leave him and think you’re too ugly for other men
I dont need to even read this to know you need to leave him.
Ditch the asshole and get someone who will really love you
This is not okay. He’s doing this on purpose to destroy your self-esteem and it looks like it’s working. You deserve a partner that treats you well and speaks to you kindly. Dump his ass yesterday!! He’s way too old for you anyway
You need to love yourself more than you love him. He doesn’t love you.
Leave and feel beautiful.
Hahahaha!
I’d reverse it on him. Next time he tries to call you ugly, just laugh at him and say: ‘yeah and I’m still the best you can do’
Put him is HIS place… lol
You can’t be this st*pid. Doesn’t take a genius to know what to do here.
This is going to come off really harsh, but why are you even having to ask this question??. He doesn’t love or care for you…. at all. Go find your self esteem and dump the asshole, don’t EVER tolerate this behavior from a man.
Break up, not down. You deserve better.
Please leave immediately. If you stay, this is only the beginning of your suffering. The abuse will get more frequent and more severe – it always does. He will not change. And he absolutely does not love you, I am sorry to say, because love does not act this way. The only chance you have for happiness is leaving him, and the sooner you do it the more time you have to heal and to find a man who actually deserves you.
I can see past the joking, some people are just insensitive and need to learn. He’s quite young too so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
But if you tried talking to him about it and he dismisses you that way or turns it on you saying you’re too sensitive he just doesn’t care. And someone who loves does care.
I’m sorry but this person seems to be hurting you deliberately.
You deserve to be with someone who uplifts you, not someone who repeatedly damages your self-esteem, it’s bad. It might be time to seriously consider leaving this relationship for the sake of your mental and emotional well-being
Run! This is a red flag! Major red flag
You pack your stuff & leave, reminding him that true ugly exudes from the inside to the out, like his stinking attitude.
Oh, honey, you deserve a man who loves and respects you, period.
NEXT!