I work 5 days a week, and do all the running around for our kids extra curricular activities after work, come home and cook dinner and try and keep a clean home.
My fiancé works 7 days a fortnight, and what does she do while she’s home? Plays video games. All. Day.
I have never come home to a hot cooked meal. She never offers to take kids to their activities. She never does any washing or dishes.
I’m exhausted. And nothing I say changes anything. In fact, she tells me I’m selfish and ungrateful. Or once I snap, I’m a cunt.
I’m torn between, making things work. We’ve been together 4 years, our kids are best friends. I love my step kids.
However, I’m not happy. I’m miserable. But I can’t even afford to move out on my own. I feel stuck and don’t know how to change things around.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
She’s treating you like a baby sitter and using you for her own benefits of relaxation
You don’t have a fiancée; you have another kid and a lazy, verbally abusive one at that. If you think there’s something to be salvaged from it by all means sit down and have a conversation about your expectations and how to move forward but be aware she sees exactly how much you’re doing and how it affects you and hasn’t cared enough to do anything.
Leave. Find the means to—she will not change, especially if you’re a “cunt”, when you do everything. Once you leave she will realise that you were the glue to the family.
See, the thing is, marriage is supposed to equal working as a team, she is not acting like a team player. She sounds lazy, entitled and selfish. No wonder you are exhausted. Please don’t marry her. Coparenting is a thing.
OP apart from all the issues you mentioned, having a partner that it’s cursing at you it’s not something you’d put up with.
The respect is out the window.
So you’re raising her children and she’s verbally abusing you, wtaf?
Re read your post and think of it like it’s a friend telling you the same. What would you say to them?
Extend the same grace, care and love to yourself and your children and find a way out. Reach out to family and friends, don’t go through this alone.
Lol, the day that most males find out that their wives or fiancées were not they first first choice, they wil lose their heads. She just seems like she has you out of convenience.
As bad as she is, it sounds like you are a terrible communicator, waiting for her to offer help and snapping when she doesn’t read your mind. You should be asking her to do staff and demanding some responsibility but not in an aggressive or accusatory way. Before leaving for good try to have a sit down where you define areas of responsibilities and a fair way to share them.
You have a symbiotic relationship. Looks and feels like a close loving relationship but it isn’t. All too often in a symbiotic relationship one person benefits and the other person gets used and taken for granted.
>She never offers to take kids to their activities. She never does any washing or dishes. I’m exhausted. And nothing I say changes anything. In fact, she tells me I’m selfish and ungrateful. Or once I snap, I’m a cunt.
She loves the relationship, not you, because she has the advantage and benefits from it. She tells you those things to keep you in your place. This will continue for as long as you let it and stay in the relationship. If she really loved you, it would never have become such an unhealthy dynamic. But she doesn’t. She just loves being with you and what she can get from being with you.
>I feel stuck and don’t know how to change things around.
You leave. It’s not going to get any better. Furthermore your kids are probably seeing this, and you have to figure out what they’re seeing and learning from this. What they’re probably learning is that inequal or symbiotic relationships are okay as long as you have the advantage. Is this something you’re happy with them seeing and learning? Think about it.