My (23 F) deepest secret ever honestly and I’d like to get some opinions.
I started self-pleasure fairly young, and one of the things I’ve noticed that would get me off without having to visually look at anything is mouth sounds. Something about it is very arousing but I cannot explain it.
Now, I’ve been in a couple relationships total in my life, and in those relationships most guys were against me watching porn, as it shows a lack of loyalty and means looking at other people in sexual ways. I’ve learned to understand that perspective, and in my current relationship I’ve been totally off porn for about 6 months. (Proud)
However, when it comes to completely stopping my self-pleasure in relationships , I really disagree. I’m very open-minded about self wellness and I understand that masturbating in/out of relationships is totally normal and is a part of self-love.
Now here comes the ASMR mouth sounds part. I don’t watch these videos with my eyes. I’m only using the videos for added erotic sounds when I masturbate.
Does that make me a bad partner? For having shame and guilt and not bringing up such topic to my current boyfriend? Is telling him even necessary? I’m a very open and honest person so that’s why it kills me to not share every detail of my life with him or else I feel dishonest.
Also another reason why I hesitate to bring it up is because I know he doesn’t even masturbate in the first place. And I already know what kind of reaction I’d get if I told him in general that I masturbate.
“Am I not doing enough for you?” But I try to be as understanding as possible and hear him out. However he needs to know that, again, masturbating in general in a relationship is totally normal.
Comments
no, u r not a bad partner.
using asmr sounds isn’t cheating, it’s just personal comfort.
masturbation is normal in relationships.
u don’t have to tell him unless u really feel like u should.
don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself.
No it’s not wrong.
Tell your boyfriend about it. Maybe he can make recordings to send you. Make it fun…teacher him what turns you on. What could be better then his mouth sounds?
No
Hey, u ain’t the AH here, not even close. Self-love is key for a healthy life and mindset, and whatever gets u there (as long it ain’t harmful) is all gud. Ain’t nothing wrong with what or how u’re doing. As for ur bf, communication is key. Let him understand it’s ur thing, not a “him” thing. If he can’t get it, well, that ain’t on u. Let’s drop the shame in 2021. Take care of YOU first, sis.✌️💖
NTA. I’ve never understood people that can’t trust their partners enough to let them watch porn.
The people in these videos are professionals and it’s not like you’re messaging them trying to solicit favours etc. it’s no different from if a sex scene appeared on TV.
I call bullshit that he doesn’t masturbate. He just doesn’t admit it to you.
You get off how you see fit! You don’t have to declare it to him
NTA and not a bad partner
Best thing here is to tell your partner. Telling him and getting his support will open up a new level on intimacy in your relationship.
NTA you just have a kink (which everyone has)
I love it when my partner masturbates. If she comes to me with something for me to taste or sniff I’m even happier.
You are doing nothing wrong. Watch some porn with him.
I gotta disagree with all these saying you should tell him. I mean if you talk to him about masturbating and he said he doesn’t, no matter if he’s lying or telling the truth, he’s uptight. There won’t be any making a game out of it, or him making recordings for you. He’ll get offended and wonder why you’re not satisfied with just him. From a strictly sexual aspect, you’re on 2 different planes and this most likely won’t work long term.
NTA. It amazes me how people misunderstand masturbation. Knowing what turns you on would help you communicate to your partner what they can do to arouse you and overall makes for a pleasant experience.
I remember being in a relationship (and we were in our 40s) when gf asked if I was still masturbating and I said yes; she became disappointed. I had to go into detail with her on the benefits and how it doesn’t reflect badly on her (she was really good in bed). Had she not asked me I wouldn’t have told her and there is no way she would have known. In your case if bf doesn’t ask you then don’t tell but if he does be honest with him and tell him what turns you on so he can put it in his bag of tricks. So long as partners are comfortable with the sexual methods there should be no issues.
If you can’t tell him that you masturbate, you might as well break it off now before someone gets hurt.
Id never date someone so controlling I couldn’t jack it to porn or even fucking ASMR LMAO.
Think of it another way…. Shouldn’t an ideal partner accept you for who you are, positives, negatives and everything in between, be supportive and constructive in helping you with your challenges, be understanding and accepting, etc. – if these values are true… the ‘right’ partner would understand you and accept this part of you.
NTA
What the fuck is wrong with people for trying to control each other’s bodies and minds?
Nobody should ever tell you that you can’t masturbate. Nobody. This includes spouses.
This is not really a point of debate.
Nobody should ever tell you what you do with your mind. You decide if watching porn is harmful to your relationship.
This is more controversial but it’s a hill I will die on.
If mouth sounds are your kink and you listening to them during your private time how is that not porn?
Ooo you should start having him kiss your ears all sloppy, smackin his lips. It feels amazing!! So tingly so hot.
Knowing and enjoying your body is a wonderful thing. Your body, your choice xxx
If you think hiding it from him would hurt him you should tell him about it. If he isn’t comfortable with it, he may set a boundary (even though I think that’s unreasonable). You then have to decide if you want to honor that boundary.
Suddenly it’s spaghetti 5 nights a week
Honestly, to me, my SO masturbating would only be a problem if she was witholding sex to me. The rest is no issue. You do you.
no it doesn’t make you a bad partner. neither does looking at pictures or videos. the “bad” part is when you trade your sexual experiences with your partner for pornography. it’s possible for people to do both, despite what many will say
I think it’s fragile masculinity yet again. Flick your bean all you want girl. If a guy’s got an issue, kick his ass to the curb and find someone worth their salt. That’s such a childish thing for someone to get upset over, yet so many of these immature men feel that way. NTA
Also, FYI, that goes for the porn too, i think they have weak little boy syndrome, i recommend they grow tf up.
99% of men masturbate, 1% are liars.
BULLSHIT he doesn’t masturbate.
EDIT; nta
Most men can’t make a woman orgasm. You have to masturbate or go nuts!
Its funny on this same sub if this were a guy people would be saying you are addicted to porn.
You do what you want. Your partner doesn’t rule over you. Masturbation is normal. And it’s yours. Maybe it’s time to find someone more compatible with you. Good luck and god bless you.
Oh he’s jacking it but to men.
wtf why is porn treated as bad or a test of loyalty. It’s nothing more than visual and auditorial stimulation to address natural needs. Masturbation is natural and normal for both sexes. Anybody who fails to see this is setting themselves up for failure in any relationship. NTA but damn, people need to learn how to talk about this shit.
He jerks off all the time and you masturbating to sound is the same thing as masturbating to visual stimulus. You both need to grow up and either be fine with each other doing it or break up because he’s lying and you’re lying to yourself about this stupid thing that means nothing
As long as it doesn’t interfere with your sex life with him have fun
NTAH at all, but you should really consider not getting into relationships with insecure little boys.
First of all, what you do in your own little world of private sexual activity does not need to be disclosed to a partner. Unless you are planning on asking them to incorporate it into your shared space.
Secondly – He looks at porn. Every guy does. And if he says he doesn’t, he’s lying which is a good enough reason to be concerned about him but the rest of how you describe him is enough reason to dump him and move on.
Going forward, keep your private masturbation routines to yourself and try to find sex positive guys who aren’t uptight losers or liars like the ones you’ve been with so far.
NTA. I have the same enticed feeling about the auditive aspect of intimacy. My ex and I agreed not to watch porn, but we would share videos, pictures, and voice notes with each other, but we were also a great match on the sexual aspect of a relationship. This only started 3 years in, though, as I’ve always been shamed for the things I’m into or been told not to do things, and trauma, but it was very liberating to share that aspect of myself with someone I loved that much and who understood my liked and needs, and wanted to at least try to experience things with me I liked. Having a partner who doesn’t judge or restrict you but is also able to voice their interests and boundaries is amazing and very important in a long-term relationship.
For most males it’s a total turn-on to have their female partner masturbate during sex, or at other times as well. Sounds track is great as long as it’s genuine.
Personally, if I got into a relationship and someone wanted to control my porn usage or self pleasure that is a red flag and I probably would end the relationship.
I agree with your notion that this is self love. I applaud that!
If this relationship is valuable to you I would explain to them this is who you are. If they can’t handle that then goodbye. Maybe consider counseling but that’s up to you.
JFC I can’t believe I am reading this in 2025.
I’ve never discussed this with any of my partners, idc if they watched porn or masturbate, just as I’d probably laugh my ass off if my bf would interogate me about it, let alone impose rules.
I understand if some view porn as cheating, even if I find it ridiculous, but masturbating? Fuck outta here!
You do you, boo. Literally.
You’re partner(s) are controlling assholes. Who the fuck tries to tell their partner they cannot watch porn, or anything for that matter? Yea, I know you are fairly young, but here is a bit of advice: life is to short to have people controlling your authentic self. Tell him this is you, if they don’t like it, fuck off.
Then find someone who appreciates you for you, warts and all (it’s an old British saying look it up).