I need to know whether or not i’m the asshole for calling out my 21(f) brother 24(m) for his comments during a dinner when meeting his gf 19(f)!
I’d like to preface this post by saying that my brother is the type of guy who says with his full chest that women belong in the kitchen and women should serve men etc.
The scenario that i need to know if i’m the ass or not happened yesterday. My brother decided that my family needed to meet his gf so they came over for dinner, i would like to say that they have only been dating since the beginning of July 2025 and yes i think it was too soon to meet her particularly when she doesn’t actually know him that well. Anyways my brother has said before has horrible views of women and though the entire dinner he would continuously make comments about how much he respects his gf and how he can see them getting married soon, I managed and i mean managed to not react of say anything about this comments up until his gf (she’s really nice i don’t have any problems with her) said that she was thinking about joining the police force. My brother went on a tirade about how amazing she would be and how supportive he is of the idea and both myself and my dad laughed which according to my brother was a fuck up bc his gf asked me why i laughed and i told her the truth which is that I laughed purely bc every time my brother sees a female police officer he makes misogynistic comments about how easy it would be to take a female cop down and how women shouldn’t be in the police force, military or any first line or first responders role. His gf was obviously stunned and asked him if that was true to which he just called me a bitch and had a go at his gf for even suggesting a dinner. I called him out on that and said that he’d been telling us that he wanted us to meet her so he can’t blame her for wanting to meet his family. From there it then delved into a rant about how she won’t marry him anymore and that he’s not going to be able to have sex with her bc she now knows how she really feels about women in law enforcement. I get that it wasn’t my place to call him out and i didn’t mean to but i also don’t want her to be manipulated by him into thinking that he would support her when ive heard the horrific things he says. My dad also backed me up and thought that it was wrong for my brother to lie and say he would be supportive when he’s really not.
So am i the asshole for essentially showing my brothers gf what my brother is really like not the honeymoon fresh into a relationship version shes been seeing?
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I need to know whether or not i’m the asshole for calling out my 21(f) brother 24(m) for his comments during a dinner when meeting his gf 19(f)!
I’d like to preface this post by saying that my brother is the type of guy who says with his full chest that women belong in the kitchen and women should serve men etc.
The scenario that i need to know if i’m the ass or not happened yesterday. My brother decided that my family needed to meet his gf so they came over for dinner, i would like to say that they have only been dating since the beginning of July 2025 and yes i think it was too soon to meet her particularly when she doesn’t actually know him that well. Anyways my brother has said before has horrible views of women and though the entire dinner he would continuously make comments about how much he respects his gf and how he can see them getting married soon, I managed and i mean managed to not react of say anything about this comments up until his gf (she’s really nice i don’t have any problems with her) said that she was thinking about joining the police force. My brother went on a tirade about how amazing she would be and how supportive he is of the idea and both myself and my dad laughed which according to my brother was a fuck up bc his gf asked me why i laughed and i told her the truth which is that I laughed purely bc every time my brother sees a female police officer he makes misogynistic comments about how easy it would be to take a female cop down and how women shouldn’t be in the police force, military or any first line or first responders role. His gf was obviously stunned and asked him if that was true to which he just called me a bitch and had a go at his gf for even suggesting a dinner. I called him out on that and said that he’d been telling us that he wanted us to meet her so he can’t blame her for wanting to meet his family. From there it then delved into a rant about how she won’t marry him anymore and that he’s not going to be able to have sex with her bc she now knows how she really feels about women in law enforcement. I get that it wasn’t my place to call him out and i didn’t mean to but i also don’t want her to be manipulated by him into thinking that he would support her when ive heard the horrific things he says. My dad also backed me up and thought that it was wrong for my brother to lie and say he would be supportive when he’s really not.
So am i the asshole for essentially showing my brothers gf what my brother is really like not the honeymoon fresh into a relationship version shes been seeing?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think i can definitely be judged bc i didn’t have to call him out on his comments and truthfully should have bit my tongue considering that i dont know what their relationship is like 2. if i had a problem with my brothers comments i should of talked to him without his gf present bc i did cause an argument and for him to have a reaction to my reaction
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Lmao. Good for you. Please make sure to tell all of his girlfriends this when you meet them too.
NTA He will probably never allow you to meet a girlfriend again but at least you saved one woman (I hope).
NTA. Your brother is steeped in misogyny. It’s better his GF learn that now then waste any more of her time on him especially since he will probably try and talk her out of becoming a cop.
Sounds like your brother needs to unplug from the manosphere. NTA at all.
nta
Your brother embarrassed himself. You just laughed because he was being a hypocrite, and when his girlfriend asked, you told the truth. That’s not your fault. He’s just mad he got exposed.
NTA. Lol. He’s a lying creep and she deserved to know it. I wish you’d recorded it; everyone loves to see an incel get roasted.
NTA.
Better she found out now
Because a wedding followed by a divorce can be expensive.
Honestly NTA. He’ll be grateful to you one of these days. Better to get a reality check this early
NTA. I applaud you for not buying into his shit and letting her know exactly what he’s like before it gets hard to extricate herself from a shitty relationship
Female cops might not be able to take him down, but his 21yo sister did it with a verbal karate chop. 😂
NTA
They’ve been dating two weeks and he’s already pushing the idea of marriage?!
Your brother is a manipulative misogynist. He’s likely love bombing her and putting on a good face to lock her down before his mask slips. All of his future girlfriends need to be warned!
NTA. You helped her dodge a bullet. The fact that the bullet is your brother is irrelevant.
NTA at all, mate! Dude really had it coming, spewing such BS. Honesty is always crucial, esp. with these nutjob views. Regs to his GF, better she knows this stuff now before things get real down the line. Good on ya for having her back, fam! 🤘👏👌💯
NTA. Don’t be his accomplice just because he is your brother.
NTA – not only does your brother deserve to be called out on his shit like that, but I’m sure the girl really appreciates being warned that early on about what she was getting into and the sort of bullet she just dodged.
NTA. You saved that woman from wasting a bunch of time with a lying, misogynist. This was definitely the right thing to do morally because your brother would have brought her a lot of grief.
YTA obivously you don’t want to see your brother happy. You are not gonna give him any chance to improve or get into any relationship because you probably can never wait for that opportunity to ‘expose’ your brother. Keep thriving on this reddit where people don’t look at ulterior motives, typical behaviour of a person who doesn’t want someone else to find happiness.
NTA. You are, in fact, a queen! 👑
NTA. It absolutely was and still is your place to call him out! Keep doing it.
NTA.. I’m glad you told his girlfriend exactly how he is
YTA
NTA. Your brother seems like a nasty piece of work. He clearly picked someone way younger than he is (5 years is a lot at that age) possibly because she would be less experienced and thus more easy to manipulate. Then he lied to her through his teeth about everything and rushed a meeting with you. My guess is that he wanted to use her for sex, she was not willing to have sex unless she was in a srious relationship so he tried to play make-believe, going as far as talking about marriage in front of his family, with somebody he has been dating for less than a month.
If anything, you protected that poor girl.
Cause this really happened lol
NTA at all. You claim it wasn’t your place to call him out, but who’s place was it? Who was going to warn this poor girl that she was going to potentially marry some fake man and save her from getting trapped in a miserable to potentially dangerous situation.
>I get that it wasn’t my place to call him out
What (or who?) gave you that idea?
NTA – yeah it kind of sucked to put him on the spot an embarrass him like that but he would’ve exposed himself eventually. He’s only got himself to be angry with and you saved a naive 19 year old from being stuck with a 24 year old man who doesn’t see her as equal. You did a brave thing and saved her time, hopefully he uses this as an opportunity to reflect.
NTA. You have possibly saved this girl from wasting her time with a man who clearly doesn’t respect women.
NTA
You saved both of them from a dinner relationship. And your brother is kidding himself about his ability to manhandle people with training.