AITAH
Over the years my mom has suffered from high blood pressure issues, a couple of near-death experiences. I’m the oldest of five (60y). Back in April at my mom’s 79th birthday dinner, my mom, stepdad and a cousin of mine were waiting on the rest of the family to arrive, mom asked stepdad to get her medicine, he goes to bedroom to get them, and I asked her what type of medicine she was taking so late in the day. He reenters and responds her HBP medicine. He then says he only gives her half a pill any way…I said why, he responds sometimes it makes her pressure drops, I then respond you can’t do that, and you should tell her dr in case he needs to adjust it. He next says is sometimes he gives her his blood pressure medicine…At this point I’m livid, I said you can’t do that, you’re not a dr. I decided not to say anything more because I didn’t want to disrupt the dinner about to happen. I kept the info to myself until 10 days later she ends back up in the hospital, for guess what…HBP. I then call the sister next in age to me and told her what he had said at the day of party, I told her to relay it to the dr, I then informed one of my nieces and told her if she was there when the dr come in to tell him what I said. Well, that didn’t happen…Fast forward 3 months later, upon the 3rd visit to the hospital (for HBP) since her birthday, I was finally able to see the dr and informed him, in front of stepdad what stepdad had told me and stepdad called me a liar! I have a few family members pissed at me and don’t believe me (not that I give a damn) and saying that wasn’t the time, which I responded what better time than with the dr. My mom didn’t respond while I was there, but she did call me a few hours later just to ask what I was doing, which told me she wasn’t upset by what I had said. I slept great that night because I felt so relieved getting that off my chest, because what IF what he’s doing has an impact on her health? Please Reddit tell me if I was wrong for saying what he had told me. I had tried to get my sister and niece to tell the dr, since they were always around when the dr came to the room. Now keep in mind, my mom and cousin heard him, and my cousin even repeated what he had said to one of my other sisters when it happened. AITAH????
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
AITAH
Over the years my mom has suffered from high blood pressure issues, a couple of near-death experiences. I’m the oldest of five (60y). Back in April at my mom’s 79th birthday dinner, my mom, stepdad and a cousin of mine were waiting on the rest of the family to arrive, mom asked stepdad to get her medicine, he goes to bedroom to get them, and I asked her what type of medicine she was taking so late in the day. He reenters and responds her HBP medicine. He then says he only gives her half a pill any way…I said why, he responds sometimes it makes her pressure drops, I then respond you can’t do that, and you should tell her dr in case he needs to adjust it. He next says is sometimes he gives her his blood pressure medicine…At this point I’m livid, I said you can’t do that, you’re not a dr. I decided not to say anything more because I didn’t want to disrupt the dinner about to happen. I kept the info to myself until 10 days later she ends back up in the hospital, for guess what…HBP. I then call the sister next in age to me and told her what he had said at the day of party, I told her to relay it to the dr, I then informed one of my nieces and told her if she was there when the dr come in to tell him what I said. Well, that didn’t happen…Fast forward 3 months later, upon the 3rd visit to the hospital (for HBP) since her birthday, I was finally able to see the dr and informed him, in front of stepdad what stepdad had told me and stepdad called me a liar! I have a few family members pissed at me and don’t believe me (not that I give a damn) and saying that wasn’t the time, which I responded what better time than with the dr. My mom didn’t respond while I was there, but she did call me a few hours later just to ask what I was doing, which told me she wasn’t upset by what I had said. I slept great that night because I felt so relieved getting that off my chest, because what IF what he’s doing has an impact on her health? Please Reddit tell me if I was wrong for saying what he had told me. I had tried to get my sister and niece to tell the dr, since they were always around when the dr came to the room. Now keep in mind, my mom and cousin heard him, and my cousin even repeated what he had said to one of my other sisters when it happened. AITAH????
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> By amking the statement ifn front of my stepdad may make me the AH but why say it behind his back which may seem as though I’m not telling the truth
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You did great. Obviously it needed to be said. He’s mad because what he’s doing is wrong and keeps hospitalising your mother. NTA.
NTA – Is your family actually TRYING to kill her? WTH. Why wouldn’t your sister or nieces Pass on such important information To the Dr.? An aunt of mine has a low financial budget and will portion out her meds to keep in line with what she can spend, which is not good, and maybe this is an issue here? Also, My mom struggles with the HBP meds, as they sometimes make her light headed and wobbly, and the first inclination is to adjust the dosage herself. But the Dr. really needs to be in the loop of what is happening. You did the right thing, the doctor needed to know that perhaps her repeated trips to the hospital were caused by inaccurate and inconsistent dosing. Perhaps getting her medication in pill packs would be the easiest way to make sure your stepdad doesn’t mess with the proper dosing.
NTA. clearly every one else was being inconsiderate of your mothers health and once you stood up everyone got pissed off because it made them look bad .
Unless your stepfather is a legit certified medical physician you did the right thing.
NTA
Does your mother have a life insurance policy with your stepdad named as the beneficiary?
NTA by miles. However, there is something deeper going on here. Instead of something nefarious, I’m wondering if your stepdad has dementia. My parent with dementia is just a year older than your mom. How old is your stepdad? Maybe he’s the one that needs to be evaluated?
NTA…it’s a shame it took that long for the doctor to get the information. Hopefully there will be positive results from your actions.
NTA.
Is he trying to get her to kick the bucket? Can they not afford the medication? Because that’s literally the only two options I can come up with as to why she isn’t taking the medication properly like the doctor intented or gets it adjusted if it is too much. You don’t want to play Russian Roulette with your heart… Or any other organs, unless you don’t want to live as long and healthy as possible.
‘
You can titrate BP meds but it’s with a Dr and based on BP readings. The fact he’s lying is concerning
NTA. Your stepdad is very clearly putting your mums health at risk because she is continually having issues with this particular medical condition. I go with my mum to her neurology appts and will 100% dob on her to the dr if she isn’t honest about something he asks her lol
You are a good advocate for your mom. NTA
Are stepdad’s FEELINGS more important than your mom’s life? Of course not. You did the right thing.
Telling the hospital dr isn’t enough. You need to speak with her regular physician who wrote the prescription in the first place. Go with her to the appointment and tell him what’s going on. If her bp drops that much the dosage needs to be adjusted, by the dr not the stepdad.
You and your siblings need to get more involved in your mom’s care, in general. You have siblings so you can divide up the work. Visit more and with short notice so you can get eyes on their living situation and watch for changes. Get organized now so when the time comes that they can’t live on their own you’ll have already thought through the options. Don’t wait until it’s a crisis, like we did, and you have to scramble.
NTA your moms health is more important than hurt feelings.
More importantly why isn’t your mom handling her own medications?
If she’s not capable any of advocating for herself and caring for herself, you have bigger issues. You don’t indicate the age of moms husband but it sounds like he may no longer be capable of caring for her and/or himself.
I think it’s time to have a hard conversation with your siblings and reach out to an attorney to find out how to legally make decisions for her well being. Another idea is to call her doctors office, HIPAA won’t allow them to give you information, but it doesn’t stop you from telling them your concerns and suggesting they ask additional questions at her next check up.
NTA. Never feel bad about sharing pertinent health info with the Doctor. We run into all kinds of family dynamics in the hospital. The number of times your Mom ended up in the ED is a clue to the Doctors – you just filled in the blanks for them. Signed – A hospital RN
I wonder if you need to step in more and maybe take over more of your mom’s care, seems stepdad isn’t fully understanding how important BP meds are and how they need to be taken as prescribed.
Is he her beneficiary? Shalom you’re loved 💔
NTA I have 2 cases of medication mismanagement in my family and reading this had my anxiety spiking because they both ended with the death of the person being medicated incorrectly by their caretakers. If the meds aren’t working then you tell the doctor so they can adjust them, you don’t play pharmacist with your loved ones.
I’m an RN and have an 86 year old mother that likes to self adjust her BP meds! Before anyone suggest she may be senile, no she is not! She is a stubborn control freak.
I would suggest making a phone call to the mother’s primary care provider’s office. Talk to the nurse and explain the situation. They cannot discuss the mother’s care, or give you any information because of HIPPA. They can, however, listen to all your concerns, document them, and address them directly with the patient.
Good luck and NTA
NTA, but he’s a murderer in training, apparently.
This is unhinged behavior. He is trying to kill your mom or seriously debilitate her. You need to speak to the prescribing physician. Emphasize you are scared for her life because of how he is messing with her meds. My grandmother died under similar conditions.
I take a beta blocker and it is very easy to mess with them because they are fast acting. If I take my morning pill just a few hours late my heart rate will be 50 points higher when I workout. If I take the doses too close together I will have trouble with low blood pressure and heart rate. It is very much a scheduled med with the prescribed dose being followed exactly. Stopping and starting it is also very dangerous. I had to slowly titrate up to my dose. If I forget a dose my heart rate will rebound up high. A lot of beta blockers are not very expensive depending on which pharmacy and how you are paying. Using Walmart and GoodRx is actually cheaper than using my insurance. $10 for a 3 month supply.