This summer, I (F18) decided to take a vacation for three months to visit my family in Turkey, because when I start college, i’ll have no time to visit them.
Before I left, my dad gave me 2000 USD as a gift and told me to “not spend all of it, but treat yourself”, sort of as a graduation gift and a “good job on getting into a good university”
When I landed in Kayseri (the Turkish city my dad’s family lives in), I gave the 2000 USD to my aunt (my dad’s sister) and thought nothing of it.
After a week, I decided to go shopping with my aunt, and the total was 5050 TRY (125 USD). My aunt told me she would pay for half of it and i could pay for half of it, and I thought it was okay, so I paid for half of the clothes I picked out.
A few weeks later, I went to Nevşehir to visit my mom’s side of the family. Upon seeing me, my mom’s siblings (two sisters) gave me 5600 TRY each (140 USD) (280 USD total). I went clothes shopping when them too and they didn’t ask me to pay for any of it even though I spent around 6000 TRY (150 USD) total.
After I went back to Kayseri, my cousin, F38, (dad’s sisters daughter) “invited me” to Izmir, as a gift. I flew on a plane to get there, they brought me some snacks and some clothes as “gifts” since it’s been a while since i’ve visited them in Turkey. I bought my cousin, her husband (M43), and her daughter (F12), some small street gifts to show my appreciation for them.
Before I left for Izmir, my aunt gave me 2800 TRY (80 USD) to spend on some things and I was very grateful. I decided to spend this on my cousins daughter and husband to show my appreciation, and spent none of it on myself.
When we got back, my aunt told me to give her 32,000 TRY (800 USD) for the plane ticket, clothes my cousin bought me, train tickets, and snacks and water I bought while in Izmir. I was shocked but didn’t think much of it because my moms side of the family GAVE ME MONEY and didn’t ask for any while my dads side of the family ASKED FOR MONEY. I thought i was in the wrong because I did spend money.
My aunt told me that the 2800 TRY she gave me as a “gift” was actually some of the money that my moms side of the family gave me (she was holding onto it for me, and gave me the bills instead of giving me money that was actually hers)
I felt upset that when I spent almost all of it on my cousin, her husband, and her daughter, and I wasn’t asking for money in return.
What finally made me wonder if I was overreacting was when i found out that my cousin told my aunt to tell me to pay for the FULL hotel room that we stayed in, even though I shared the room with her husband (who snored and i wasn’t able to sleep for more than 3 hours a night)
Am I overreacting? Am I being greedy? What should I do? Should I just pay them?
I’m just kinda shocked because my moms side of the family acted completely different
TL;DR My dad’s side of the family is asking me for money for “gifts” that they bought for me. Is it wrong for me to be upset?
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This summer, I (F18) decided to take a vacation for three months to visit my family in Turkey, because when I start college, i’ll have no time to visit them.
Before I left, my dad gave me 2000 USD as a gift and told me to “not spend all of it, but treat yourself”, sort of as a graduation gift and a “good job on getting into a good university”
When I landed in Kayseri (the Turkish city my dad’s family lives in), I gave the 2000 USD to my aunt (my dad’s sister) and thought nothing of it.
After a week, I decided to go shopping with my aunt, and the total was 5050 TRY (125 USD). My aunt told me she would pay for half of it and i could pay for half of it, and I thought it was okay, so I paid for half of the clothes I picked out.
A few weeks later, I went to Nevşehir to visit my mom’s side of the family. Upon seeing me, my mom’s siblings (two sisters) gave me 5600 TRY each (140 USD) (280 USD total). I went clothes shopping when them too and they didn’t ask me to pay for any of it even though I spent around 6000 TRY (150 USD) total.
After I went back to Kayseri, my cousin, F38, (dad’s sisters daughter) “invited me” to Izmir, as a gift. I flew on a plane to get there, they brought me some snacks and some clothes as “gifts” since it’s been a while since i’ve visited them in Turkey. I bought my cousin, her husband (M43), and her daughter (F12), some small street gifts to show my appreciation for them.
Before I left for Izmir, my aunt gave me 2800 TRY (80 USD) to spend on some things and I was very grateful. I decided to spend this on my cousins daughter and husband to show my appreciation, and spent none of it on myself.
When we got back, my aunt told me to give her 32,000 TRY (800 USD) for the plane ticket, clothes my cousin bought me, train tickets, and snacks and water I bought while in Izmir. I was shocked but didn’t think much of it because my moms side of the family GAVE ME MONEY and didn’t ask for any while my dads side of the family ASKED FOR MONEY. I thought i was in the wrong because I did spend money.
My aunt told me that the 2800 TRY she gave me as a “gift” was actually some of the money that my moms side of the family gave me (she was holding onto it for me, and gave me the bills instead of giving me money that was actually hers)
I felt upset that when I spent almost all of it on my cousin, her husband, and her daughter, and I wasn’t asking for money in return.
What finally made me wonder if I was overreacting was when i found out that my cousin told my aunt to tell me to pay for the FULL hotel room that we stayed in, even though I shared the room with her husband (who snored and i wasn’t able to sleep for more than 3 hours a night)
Am I overreacting? Am I being greedy? What should I do? Should I just pay them?
I’m just kinda shocked because my moms side of the family acted completely different
TL;DR My dad’s side of the family is asking me for money for “gifts” that they bought for me. Is it wrong for me to be upset?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Not wanting to pay my family for the clothes, hotel room, and plane ticket that they bought me due to feeling like it was a gift and the large age gap I have with my cousin/aunt.
(2) I feel like i might be in the wrong because they deserve the money that they spent on the gifts for me/ it wasn’t actually a gift it was me paying for it myself
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
This is not how gifts work. NTA.
I am really confused
>I gave the 2000 USD to my aunt (my dad’s sister) and thought nothing of it.
>When we got back, my aunt told me to give her 32,000 TRY (800 USD) for the plane ticket, clothes my cousin bought me, train tickets, and snacks and water I bought while in Izmir
>My dad’s side of the family is asking me for money for “gifts” that they bought for me
What happened to the $2,000 you handed over to your aunt? Is that same aunt who is now demanding $800 from you?
It certainly sounds like you’re NTA and you aren’t greedy. Gifts are supposed to be given without thought of restitution. But I don’t have a clear idea of where all your money went.
NTA
you are NOT greedy. omg that is nowhere near being greedy. highk they scammed you.
have you talked to your dad or mum at all??
I don’t understand why you gave the 2000 USD from your dad to your aunt. Was it for safekeeping or what?
Whatever the answer, NTA. If something is a gift or a treat, you don’t ask for your money back. This is how gifts work. Here in Bulgaria, it’s also customary that when a younger relative that you haven’t seen for a while visits you, you are the host and you treat them, you give them some gifts, and/or give them some cash. The younger person can also bring gifts, but it’s not actually expected.
I think your aunt on your father’s side though she can have some of your 2000 USD and she started rationalizing keeping as much of it as she could. It’s very bad form, to say the least, to offer a gift or a treat and then to go back on it and ask for money.
I’m confused. Is your aunt giving the money that you were given back? Or is that her $2000 now?I don’t think you are TA at all. Why call it a gift if they want money? It’s more like selling you things you didn’t choose to buy.
NTA but this is confusing. Why did you give the $2000 to your aunt. When she gave you money was it a gift or was it money from your $2000
NTA. It seems the family sees you as an ATM.
NTA…you were being treated like a bank machine. I’m confused as to why you gave your aunt your money.
NTA. If I’m reading this correctly (it’s a little confusing), you have her $2000 to hold onto. She is now asking you to pay her for things she has told you are “gifts” for you. If you feel like you want to pay her $800 for the plane ticket, then go ahead, maybe to stay on good terms while you stay there so it isn’t awkward? But I say not a penny more.
Ask her to see your money so you can pay her, count out the $800 if that’s what you’d like to give her and pocket the rest. Do not trust anyone else to hold your money.
You said your father gave you that money as a gift for getting into a good university. Please think about yourself and your accomplishments that earned you that money. No one is entitled to what is yours.
I do understand she is hosting you, that’s why I say if you feel the $800 is fair, then go ahead, otherwise take out some money for groceries while you are there and pay her for what you eat.
This is rather bizarre to me.
Anyways, congrats on getting into a good uni! All best wishes!
YTA You gave your aunt all the money and thought nothing of it SMH, learn how to be responsible for your own money! If you had that $2000 you couldve pay your own way just for everything just for yourself and not have to worry about anybody asking you for anything, i hope you learn a valuable lesson through that experience, Never trust others with your money not even family!
I’m rereading this whole story… like wtf is actually going on why is my family trying to get me to pay for my gifts like what is even going on???!
Updateme
NTA and they are stealing from you, more specifically, your aunt is. It is a shame that you can’t trust your family.
Call your dad, explain what happened so he can have your aunt give you what you have left. Let him handle it for you. In the meantime, get back whatever you can from your aunt and hold it yourself (just be sure to tell your dad how much she gave you back so he can take care of the remaining amount).
I’m sorry thus happened to you.
NTA. They are being greedy. Talk to your parents. Maybe cut your vacation short. 3 months navigating that dynamic is going to be too much. Updateme
updateme