So to give a little detail, I’ve (34M) never had an issue in the bedroom with getting “it up”. Well the past couple times I’ve tried to initiate sex I’ll get hard then immediately as I’m going to put it in I’m going limp. It’s very frustrating and again never had this issue especially with her..
I have been under stress with starting a new job and me and her moved in together. Plus working alot bc her car broke down so I’m in the middle of fixing that. Even so, no more stress then normal and that never stopped me before.. I think alot of it might be anxiety as well, but is this normal? I can get hard during the day no problem but with kids and other ppl who live with us and my work schedule day sex is impossible.
Any advice on what I can do? Or natural supplements or anything I can take that will help?
Comments
Have you spoken to your doctor?
Natural supplements are usually just snake oil.
Try exercising, eating a great diet and getting plenty of sleep. Stress shows itself in many ways, and there is definitely a chance you’re downplaying the amount of stress you’re actually going through – your baseline may already be at a high stress level, and you are only starting to feel the impacts of it with the added stress of new employment and a lot of working hours.
Mediation helps with managing stress. Exercise does as well.
Another factor.. do you and your GF practice foreplay at all?
It’s likely stress or performance anxiety totally normal and common.
Focus on connection over performance, get good rest, and consider natural supplements
Find natural ways to boost testosterone like getting more sleep, eating less processed foods and more animal protein etc. Also find ways to reduce stress and increase good sleep. If you are over 40 get your testosterone levels checked and consider trt if you are low. Also eliminate porn consumption and limit masturbation.
It could be psychological as others have suggested perhaps talk to a doctor but I had similar issues and it really turns out to be anxiety or worrying about other things and then “thinking” about failing or not being able to get it up.
Get some wine, don’t plan interactions. Be bold. Do something impulsive.
Throw her into the fmn wall and tell her you want her now and here.
Never ever plan sex
First, you obviously care so much about your relationship. Even though I dont know you, im proud of you.
This is normal, even though you are under a normal amount of stress it can accumulate. We are 33, my spouse (husband) had this issue from time to time. But we figured it out. We also have children so yeah that’s a whole thing itself haha.
When it happened I turned to him and told him to stop. I knew he was getting in his own head. So I asked him “how are you feeling at this exact moment?” That followed into a complex array of emotions surrounding the issue. It was a core trauma that eventually impacted him and it was a feedback loop. I dont want to disclose the trauma because Im the only human alive that knows.
The loop went like this:
Stress -> Trauma -> anxiety regarding trauma -> fear to disappoint me -> fear of impotence -> fear of making me feel bad about myself because it keeps happening -> stress
I disrupted the process each time, told him to calm, then would get his head (yes pun intended) back in the game. It took a couple of tries, but we dont have the issue anymore. Our frequency also impacted this, it was 1-2 times a week. Now we are very infrequent in our encounters and like it that way. Anymore would give him more anxiety and start the problem again. He is in therapy, I am noticing a slow change but it’s going to take time for him to heal from that trauma.
Try stopping when it happens and sort out exactly how it’s making you feel. Maybe ask her to help initiate that?
Obviously everyone is different. I shared this in hopes it can help inform you on how to approach it. I hope it helped!
Happens to a lot of guys stress pressure even overthinking it can shut things down Get some rest try to relax and don’t let it mess with your head too much.
Intimacy isn’t only sex. It’s far more than that. It’s also holding hands, hugging, cuddling, etc. All of those things are important too. Have you had an in depth conversation about this with your gf? When you want to be close have you tried just cuddling and watching a movie? If I could talk to your gf, I’d tell her to start with that then maybe give you a massage. It will help relax you and reduce stress. An added benefit is it can help you in the bedroom. When I’m stressed and stuck in my head, my husband will do that for me and it really helps a lot.