Found out through a friend that my best friend Sarah is dating my ex boyfriend. They’ve apparently been together for like a month and neither of them said anything to me. We broke up 6 months ago so it’s not like it just happened, but I still feel weird about it. I don’t have feelings for him anymore but I’m hurt that she didn’t give me a heads up. When I confronted her she said she “didn’t want to make it awkward” but now it’s way more awkward. The worst part is that Sarah was there for me during the breakup. She listened to me cry about him for weeks and helped me get through it. Now I’m looking back wondering if she had feelings for him even then. I keep thinking about all the times the three of us hung out together and if there were signs I missed. She swears it just happened naturally but I feel like such an idiot for not seeing it coming. Our whole friend group knows now and I feel like everyone’s walking on eggshells around me. I don’t want to be that person who makes drama but I also can’t just pretend this is normal. Do I just dump her as a friend? What should I do?
My best friend is dating my ex and didn’t tell me
r/Advice
Comments
Take time to your self and set boundaries
Dating a friend’s recent ex is… suspect.
It would be one thing if it was 10 years in the past or something but this is still a fresh breakup.
Nah fuck them. That would be unforgivable in my eyes.
She’s def. not your best friend, not anymore.
Hello! No, you most certainly should not dump her as a friend. I understand that it’s awkward because your best friend is dating your ex. I can’t even begin to imagine how weird that must be to you. But ultimately at the end of the day, she developed feelings for him and that’s the person she wanted to be with. From your post, I do actually believe that it did happen naturally. Also she probably didn’t tell you out of respect for you. She probably knew that you might get angry/be hurt that she’s dating your ex and so she decided to keep quiet. If she really is your best friend, then it shouldn’t matter to you. As her best friend you should want her to be happy and if her new relationship is making her happy, then you shouldn’t have a problem with it (even if it’s your ex). Hope this helps!
You call that a friend? At best that would be an acquaintance to me, if not a jealous rival. Personally I would see this as a chance to change my entire life. No way these are friends to you. Friends care about how their friend feels. Sometimes its more about how their friend feels than if they are right or wrong. This should be a lesson to be nice but not too open until the fruit of a person is revealed.
>” I don’t want to be that person who makes drama but I also can’t just pretend this is normal.”
Then let it go. Look at what is happening – you are the one you are torturing here, They are happy as clams. All of this grief isn’t affecting them at all. Give yourself a break. Wish them well. You have better things to do.
Obviously she is not your best friend anymore – simply because hanging around your ex is not something you look forward to. But you don’t have to write her off either. Give them space and focus on your other friends and what you have ahead.
You don’t have to be that person carrying around resentment and making things uncomfortable for everyone. You can choose to be better than that.
Disgusting behaviour. What a loser that guy is
Obviously your and her opinion of this guy varies.
Was it wrong for her to date him? No
Was it wrong for her to wait to tell you? Maybe
Should any of this matter in the context of your path forward? Absolutely not
People place way too much importance on X before X.
She may have been trying to sway your opinion after the break up, but you weren’t together anymore, correct? So you made your decision already.
Move on from this and don’t let the fact that one relationship ended terminate another obviously positive one.
If you really can’t live with what she did and it is going to consume you and destroy your relationship anyway, then you may have not had a very strong one anyway and you should just cut ties before it happens.
She’s not best friend,what happened to girl code!!!
She is not your friend
Let it go. You do not own any of them. And do not and should not determine what is best for them and the relationship they choose. You and him didn’t work. Oh, well. Wish them the best and focus on getting the man that deserves you. If it bothers you, it’s a you issue tbh.
You should not make a big deal about it. No more “confronting.” You just go about your life. As for them, people are different. They problems you had might not be the problems she will have. You dont need to hang out with them, but you dont need to create a problem as well.
This was planned and you might have been played
I strongly advice you just let it go. They are both AH and that your best friend stay away from her.