I’m 21 (male). My brother is 15. He’s on the spectrum. Like you probably wouldn’t notice walking down the street or talking to him for a minute or two, but he is. I have a girlfriend, 19, who knows this.
I don’t live with my parents anymore but this past weekend my girlfriend and I went over to visit and have dinner. They have an in-ground pool so my girlfriend and I went swimming. My brother is not big on water so he did not.
I came in and changed into shorts but hadn’t put on a shirt yet and had sat down on the couch. My brother came in (also shirtless as usual) and kinda laid down on top of me and cuddled me. Like full on straddled my leg, laid down on me, wrapped his arms around me and hugged me and laid his head on my shoulder.
Sometimes he hates being touched, other times he really wants it. I’m sure others may find it weird but I’m used to it and it doesn’t bother me. We cuddled for about 20 minutes until I was getting kinda sweaty from all the skin contact and he was getting kinda heavy and I wanted to talk to other people too. So I said “[my name] needs a little break okay?” He said okay and got off me.
My girlfriend saw it and didn’t say anything but later said something to me about it. She said she got he was on the spectrum and all but I still needed to put up “clear boundaries” with him and it was weird and not healthy.
She said it was one thing to hug but he was cuddling me like he was my girlfriend or something. Then she said “couldn’t you feel his junk on your leg and stuff? Did he get hard? I know I can feel yours when you cuddle and sometimes you get hard.” I was very annoyed and just said the last thing on my mind was the position of my brother’s junk and she needed to watch herself.
She said she was just looking out for him because I wouldn’t always be around. I said it was nothing wrong with showing affection when I had the chance.
The next day she can tell I’m still mad at her and asks me why I’m so upset and says she was just offering some advice and doesn’t see what the big deal is.
Comments
this is very normal between siblings and completely healthy ☹️ your gfs reaction is odd
Just say that the big deal is that she’s being an asshole about something she doesn’t understand. Your brother needed comfort, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It only looks weird to someone who doesn’t understand your dynamic with him. It’s actually kind of worse, because she’s your girlfriend and she’s had the opportunity to get to know him. She should understand it more by this point, but as she illustrated with her immature observations she clearly doesn’t.
People like her unfortunately cover the globe. And life’s too short to have to put up with that. Your brother is a big part of your life, and if she continues to be this way then I’d say it’s time to find someone else. The way she acts toward and around your brother is important.