We have sex about 6-10 times per week, almost every single day and 1-3 rounds per day. I think our average is twice per day. Our main issue is that I need a full rest day every 3 days or so, but he feels dissatisfied and gets upset if we miss even a single day. This expectation seems extremely high to me, and I am pretty sure we are above average in terms of how much we have sex.
This is really taking a toll on the relationship. He thinks he might be better off finding a girl who can match his sex drive, but I think his expectation is unreasonable and that most women wouldn’t be able to match it unless they are on drugs or something.
How much are couples having sex? How often do other women tend to have sex, or what is the expectation from men for the women they date?
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As far as I know, libido isn’t sex specific.
M 33 here. Every relationship is different. Every body is different. If I had to guess I’d put yours on the higher end.
Expecting a rest day every 3 days isn’t unreasonable, especially if you’re going more than one round a day.
Normally, if a woman tells a man that she needs a break to recover, if he cares about her, he will respect her and say of course babe, I understand.
Whiney selfish pricks like your boyfriend will complain about it and threaten to cheat on you and leave you.
Don’t put up with him. Leave him.
This is an unrealistic and ridiculous expectation for him to have. You’re both already well above average in regards to frequency. That’s for sure. I have sex with my boyfriend nearly every time I see him, but that’s not every day as we don’t live together. If we did, it would be maybe 4-6 times a week on average. That’s high imo, I know others who do it way less. Good luck to him finding someone else who wants sex as often as that! Unless he finds a nymphomaniac..
He has an absurd expectation.
2-3 times a week is normal / average.
His chances of finding a woman interested in sex 10+ times a week is sub .1%. That is a massive outlier among women – and among those, most are likely in the adult industry or are absolutely not interested in a monogamous relationship.
Go look up Kinsey institute data and shove it in his face and tell him to get therapy for his anxiety because he’s using your cooch as a binky to soothe his anxiety.
If he has actually said he might be better off finding a girl who matches his sex drive, LET HIM. If my boyfriend said he thought he’d be better off with someone who is more matched to him than I am in any aspect, that would tell me he is already considering looking outside the relationship, if he hasn’t already. I would hold the damn door open for him as he left with my boot print on his ass.
He is inconsiderate at the least, borderline abusive at the worst. You deserve better. You deserve someone who respects your body and your feelings.
‘He thinks he would be better off’ cool bro go then, sounds like he wants you to do exactly as he wants with disregard of your feelings. I have sex with my bf every day mostly, he also does get crabbit when I don’t put out. But we’ve talked a lot and have a really strong connection now, his desire for sex every day is his sex drive plus that’s how he stays connected. Once I stopped being hacked off by him I was happy having sex all the time
When I was living with a partner, about twice a week was average. More than that happened at times (especially near the beginning), usually tapped out at 5 times a week (which I would consider pretty active).
This is a ridiculous expectation for a 30+ guy to have. Even a hormonal teenager normally has better sense than to threaten to leave his gf if she “doesn’t give it up” enough for him.
How long have you been with him? Do you want this pushiness to continue for the remainder of your relationship? Do you want your comfort to be discarded for his desires?
My wife and I averaged 3-5 times daily the first year we were together, then averaged 2-3 times daily for the next 10 years, now, 22 years in and we average 2-3 times per week. Frequency expectations are different for everyone. What seems like alot to one person may be insufficient in someone else’s eye. Sexual compatibility isn’t the biggest factor in a relationship, but it is a big one, and if you require less than he is satisfied with, then your simply not compatible. This will lead to years of turmoil if left unchecked.
>he feels dissatisfied and gets upset
so he has a pissy fit because you need time to recover and rest, things which are important to your health and well-being? what a selfish dink.
>He thinks he might be better off finding a girl
yeah, then he should do you a favour and go chase that dragon.
>I think his expectation is unreasonable
you are correct. he’s being selfish and unreasonable and an asshole.
you deserve better than this selfish jerk who doesn’t actually care about you, about your needs, just what he can get from you for his own gratification.
It is fine to both be high libido. What is not fine is expecting your partner to suffer pain for a sexual encounter and then pressuring them when they are like “I really need a day to let my body heal”.
Your bf sounds like the man my midwife had to have arrested and kicked out of her birth clinic when she walked in on him assaulting his wife less than 24 hours postpartum and he refused to stop when she told him that could hurt her make her sick and give her an infection and he needed to stop. Refused to stop. So she had to literally call the police and trespass him from the birth center.
Please strongly think about how much you can truly trust someone who prioritizes him getting off over your physical well being?
Does he have a porn addiction? This feels like an addiction if he’s UNABLE to go a single day without.
You’re not the problem his expectations are extreme. If he’d rather leave than respect your body’s limits, let him. A good partner cares about your comfort, not just their orgasm count.
every single day is a very high count for 30-somethings. multiple times a day multiple days a week is insane. ain’t he got any hobbies or a job?
I think it’s hilarious (not really, it’s gross) that he’s threatening to date someone else to manipulate you into having sex when you’re SORE.
There’s no “normal” but most adults I know are having sex 1-2 times a week. Who even has time for 10 times a week? And whose vagina can take that?
You are not an on demand sex worker. Stop having sex you don’t want to have and if he’s going to be a pouty sex pest about it and threaten to leave you over it, tell him not to let the door hit him in the ass. Good grief.
How long have you been together? I’m happy with once a week as a male
I hate these type of situations.
Your energy for sex is yours. If he cared about you on a deeper level, he would consider it. Even understand it. Even adjust to it.
You two are having sex daily. Sometimes multiple rounds… How much more can this guy want?
And if you need a small break to recharge for it… Backhanded comments like you’re not good enough. Maybe I need another woman whose better than you.
That kills a sex life even more because now you deal with the guilt trips, you’re not good enough comments, when you’re just trying to survive and keep a grip on yourself.
Every relationship is different. For reference to ours. Some weeks its daily. Some weeks its twice. Some weeks its none. We don’t care about frequency. We care about quality. We don’t have hard set numbers because a lot of factors can dictate someone’s drive towards sex.
A brutal week at work. Paired with a bunch of obligations with family or friends. Tons of errands… A difficult week, probably not going to have too much in the tank for daily sex. Which is fine.
I think a main expectation to have for sex, is when you say you’re not in a the mood, its accepted and not punished. Otherwise that puts you into a state of fear like you must put out, which kills the naturalness of sex in consequence, ruining desire even more since you don’t feel understood or respected.
Both of you have high drives. You average daily sex. That’s a high drive. He’s just over the top extreme expecting it multiple times a day and you’re never allowed to go a day without it.
Real partners understand and value your comfort and pace. He’s just impossible to please.
i have an insanely high libido and have an intense sexual chemistry with my man. We usually do around 2 or 3 a time but i absolutely need at least 2 days to recover.. And sometimes he works alot and hes just exhausted and wants to chill. Never once would i pressure him or even think of leaving.
In my last relationship, it was pretty much every day to every other day. In my current relationship it’s 2-3 times a week.
I think your problem is that he has an expectation to begin with. And he does not respect you. In all of my relationships, whenever one of us was not feeling up to having sex. We were OK with that.
There’s a mutual respect and understanding that sometimes a person does not feel well, or they are too tired. Sometimes you do need a break. Even more so when you’re having sex frequently. If he is making you feel guilty or getting upset with you over this you need to let him go.
Is this the guy who you posted about having ED two months ago?
In a comfortable, supportive, and happy relationship? Twice a week. In an unhealthy, toxic, manipulative relationship where I felt the more sex we had, the happier we should be, right? Once a day wasn’t enough for me. But I was using sex to tell myself that meant our relationship was fine. Then again, everyone is different. It sounds like your boyfriend is threatening to leave you if you don’t have even MORE sex with him, and I think twice a day is a high libido.
He said what he said. Leave him. You two are not even in a relationship you are just his bangmate who in his words “Can be easily replaced”
Seems like he’s in the relationship just to have sex tbh. Especially if he thinks it’s better off finding another woman who can match his sex drive. Even a 32 year old “man” can still be a boy at heart…Unfortunately
Leave him. He is a jerk who is putting unrealistic sexual wants above you as a human being. He is not partner material.
Honestly he sounds very selfish and I wouldn’t tolerate that. It also sounds like he might be insecure? Could you ask him what he enjoys about sex? Maybe he feels disconnected or scared about a lack of intimacy when you don’t have sex
That’s a lot of sex you are having and he’s expecting
If a man ever told me he would be better off finding someone else 🤣🤣 that would be the very last sentence he ever had the privilege to say to me.
Everyone is different but guilting you into having sex is called coercion. Let him go find another girl, I’d have been OUT as soon as he said that. It doesn’t matter what other girls do, you do what YOU are comfortable with. Would you let him use that excuse to pressure you into a specific act or something you didn’t like? No.
Lol! I’m a HL woman, and once a day would be great for me. I’m in a lot of dead bedroom subs, and I really don’t think there are many people in their 30s having as much sex as you guys are. If he’s still not happy, then tell him not to let the door hit him in the a$$ on his way out. He has no idea how good he already has it!
Your boyfriend is being a pig! You need to let your body rest omg. This is insane. I am female and have a high libido but this is just gross.
I would say that the amount of sex you have is above average. I would also suggest that you tell him that your vagina is actually quite fragile compared to other body parts and needs to heal occasionally.
Can’t he just have a wank on the in between days?
It varies wildly among people. Everyone is different. That being said, you guys don’t have a HUGE disconnect here. You’re saying you need a day off every 3 days or so which is entirely reasonable. Even for partners with a high libido, this is reasonable. Nobody can expect you to have sex every single day even when you don’t feel lilke it – that would be unhealthy and abusive. Your boyfriend’s expectations are not realistic. You are a human being, not a sex toy. Sometimes you’re tired. Sometimes you’re sad. Sometimes you literally just don’t freaking feel like it and you should absolutely NOT have to have a drawn out discussion or an argument every single time that happens. “This is who I am. If that’s not enough for you, then break up with me and find someone who meets your expectaations, but I will not allow you to pressure me into having sex more than I am presonally comfortable with. If you can’t accept that that please leave.”
Most partners would understand this without an issue. He’s acting like a toddler having a temper tantrum. Tell him to grow up or get lost.
“Normal” is whatever people in a relationship agree on.
It does not sound like he’s respecting your boundaries or desires.
6-10 times a week would be amazing. 46 M here to be clear. My wife is 34F and her libido is way under mine. She’s fine with 1-2 times a month, but we are are 1-3 times a week.
If it were 100% up to me, I’d love it every day, but I could be satisfied with every other day, twice a day at least, sometimes 3-4 sessions for the day.
I think he had unrealistic expectations, at least for anything long term. In my most sex crazed relationship, we did it 10 times in 24 hours and by the 10th time, I had nothing left to give.
Honestly, more than 10 times a week, with multiple sessions sound like that wouldn’t be much time to actually do anything else. Maybe he should hit the gym, get a hobby???
Good luck!
You’re having sex with him 6-10 times per week and he’s giving you a big fat guilt trip that that’s not enough? I’m sorry, but he’s being ridiculous.
The only time my partner and I had that kind of sex life was on our honeymoon and the first few months of marriage.
Him guilt tripping you and threatening to find someone else means game over OP. He sounds extremely immature.
This is a very extreme expectation. I’ve been in multiple sexual relationship and I’d say the healthy average is 2-3 times a week and that still highly depends on mood, energy, and schedule for BOTH of us.
Do you guys have jobs?? Or do you just have super fast sex that only lasts 5 minutes, but 3 times a day?? How tf do you both have time to be messing around that much?
Part of the answer lies in the definition of sex. For example, is a HJ sex? What about mutual masturbation or one person watching the other masturbate? If you can broaden the definition of sex beyond PIV it can open up additional possibilities.
People are different though and in my view sex is something to be enjoyed and fun. If my partner isn’t having fun, I wouldn’t enjoy it at all. Many people feel the same way.
He has hands doesn’t he? Who has time and energy for multiple times a day??
Just from the title I was about to say that there isn’t an “average” and everyone’s different, but no twice per day consistently for a long period of time isn’t average for anyone beyond maybe young adults high on hormones.
By all means if he finds a sex goddess who’s a better match he should feel welcome to pursue her.
hot dang! 6-10 times a week is fantastic as long as you are enjoying it as well. even before marriage and kids, my wife and i were once a week, maybe twice. i would have preferred a little more, but it worked out for us.
6-10 times a week and he is still feeling dissatisfied, he is gonna need to do some soul searching if he thinks it is normal to a partner to match him.
also, he is selfish. tell him to learn how to fucking google how often people have sex and chill the fuck out.
Girl if his response and compromise to you needing a rest day is “we need to break up” take him up on it because he doesn’t care about you or the relationship.
Me (F26) and my (was) fiance (M26) had intimacy once a month. The expectation of that much intimacy is too damn high for you, and mine was too damn low for me.
Talk to them, of course, but both of these situations are unhealthy, in different ways.
The fact that missing 1 day of sex means he’s decided your not worth a thing should tell you everything you need to know
Oh to be young again…
It’s not going to stay like this and if you guys can’t communicate on this topic, you’re headed for some difficult times. I’m the survivor of a 20 year marriage that produced 2 kids and had sex at the beginning 3 times a week on average for the first 3 years. Then kid number 1 arrived and sex left the building goes awhile. We got our groove back and the kid number 2 arrived. Sex took a back seat to life for awhile and returned with s1 time a week average. Years 10-15 were bad progressing to worse and sex stopped. Years 15-20 were cobwebbed genitals ending in divorce. Second marriage in year 10 of the relationship. I made clear intimacy was a priority for me and a good barometer for my emotional connectivity to the relationship. Sex has waned with my wife beginning menopause, but we discuss my urges and her lack thereof. No one makes demands and expresses frustrations in a respectful manner. I don’t get guys who want sex with a partner who isn’t up for a particular session. With fleshlights and similar options – or just a dry wank – as an option, give your girl a break. I (M 62)still have an active sex drive that exceeds my wife’s (F 49). We figure out how I can be satisfied without her having to be unhappy and chafed.
If he still won’t/can’t respect your feelings, tell him to pound Sand…or e whatever the name is of the hideous hole of last resort in your neck of the woods.
I’ll be god damned. Please stand up for yourself and if he threatens to find another girl, let him! Why would you actively choose to be with someone who wants to force you into daily sex as a chore!? It doesn’t matter what other people’s average is, the fact is you are being bullied and harassed and you aren’t taking yourself out of that situation . Please want more for yourself than to be treated like a cum receptacle.
FFS get rid of this guy. Your frequency is well above average and frankly sounds exhausting. If that’s not enough for him, and he cannot respect your need for a rest day that’s on him. And his threat to leave you because he’d be “better off” is arrogant and worthy of a break up.
What you have would be ideal for me. I wouldn’t even bat an eye at missing a day or two. I wouldn’t even bat just feel lucky my gf wanted me bad enough.
Personally I want 1-3 times a day, or even more on weekends. But the fact that I want that is irrelevant to you.
If you want less, have less. If he wants to break up over that to find a better match, let him. For some people, me included, sexual compatability is very important.
It doesn’t matter if what he wants is rare, if that’s a top value for him.
my bf has a high libido, but if I ever need a break he respects it. when I see him we’ll go at it at least 5 times in one night. but when I’m down for the count he will jerk off.
The only way he’s gonna find that is with sex workers. Even if he tried to hook up with random girls, he couldn’t get it that often. He’s got serious issues and a sex addiction. Reevaluate why you are with him and if it’s safe for you
>He thinks he might be better off finding a girl who can match his sex drive
LET HIM GO. Tell him good luck.
I had similar sex schedule as yours when I was in school (college) with my ex. I’m the one who have the higher libido anyway.
But after I’m older, there’s other things to consider: jobs-kids-house-etc. I also know I need to recharge from time to time and I have other things to attend to (work-household duty-hobbies-child rearing).
That’s too much sex. Maybe during a brief newlywed phase, but not sustainable long term…
Wait a minute, OP, is this the same bf you mentioned from a month a half ago?
The same bf who is having erectile dysfunction? Why is he forcing you to have sex more if he’s dealing with ED?
Idk how long yall have been together but
That sounds exhausting. Like I like it as much as the next but how do you find the time? Lol
Also – if he is already threatening (pressuring you) to find someone else – whats going to happen if yall ever have a kid? Or like, when yall get older?
As others have said – frequency often changes as the relationship does. My husband and I used to do it whenever we could when we were first together. But now we’ve been together 13 years and have a kid and a business and a house and all that takes time. So we do it when we can but like, if there’s a dry spell no one is leaving or threatening or whatever.
Also if he doesnt want to give you a rest day without throwing a fit – start pegging him at the same frequency and then ask if he needs a break.
In the beginning of my relationship we had sex about 7-9(?) times a week. Not every day but sometimes more than once a day and i know that we were having sex more than most. Your average IS high but not concerning.
What is concerning is that your partner does not respect you and he is pressuring you to have sex when you don’t feel like it. Let him find someone else, you deserve a break and he seems like a dick. He will probably have a hard time finding someone to match hos drive regardless.
Everyone is different, but him mentioning pursuing another woman who might be a better fit for sex drive us enough to walk away. He’s gonna cheat. Find someone who cares enough about your well-being that he doesn’t think about cheating due to needing a day between sex.
There really is no “normal” for this. The average depends on age, relationship status, marital status, etc.
That said, the median for married/cohabiting couples is about 3x a month.
The bigger issue here, though, is that you say you need a rest day – and I’d bet you do – and he is throwing fits about it. He can’t go a single day without any sex? He should talk to his doctor, seriously. And you should find a partner who respects your body and needs.
edited to fix a word
You’re not his sex doll. This guy is an AH and has zero respect for you. I hope you dump this jerk.
His expectation is unreasonable, and he sounds like a sex addict tbh, but you’re better off without him if all he sees you as is someone to satisfy his sexual urges. You should let him go try to find a girl who matches his drive, bc he most likely won’t find her.
Doesn’t matter what anybody else is doing, he gets upset if you guys don’t have sex. YOUR GROWN PARTNER GETS UPSET IF YOU DONT ALLOW THEM TO TOUCH YOU SEXUALLY. You guys legit aren’t compatible, let it gooooo
Been with my partner for 12 years, have 1 child with another on the way and we’re both 32. Pregnancy changes things, but on average 1-3 times a week always.
Wow…that is an active sex life.
He needs to learn to be told no.
It is not a daily expectation that you have sex with your partner.
If he makes perk comments or makes you feel bad, that is him figuring out rejection and his emotional state. Do not sleep with him after those comments.
They have studies for this. The answer is 1 to 2 times a week for the average couple. This is the average, so that means half of people do it a lot less.
He doesn’t sound like a catch. I think most women just have sex 1-3 times a week, or even less if she just had a baby or has a stressful job. Even if he found a girl who matches his sex drive, which is very unlikely, what if this girl was sick, busy with work, pregnant, or she just had a child birth, then what is he going to do? Do you really feel loved and cared in this relationship? A loving man would never force/persude his partner to have sex wtih him if his partner doesn’t want to/being sick/being busy…etc.. I think there must be other red flags in this relationship. Also 1-3 times a day of sex? He doesn’t need to work? He doesn’t have a social life? He doesn’t need exercises? Cook, clean…etc.?
1-3 times monthly !!!
Far be it from me to be blunt, but are his hands broken or something?
He gets upset at you meeting your bodies needs…….
If he would care. But he doesn’t. Your just sex to him.
I used to do 5-6 days per week. It’s now like 1-3 times per week, due to things like work schedules and health stuff. I changed meds and now need a 2-3 days off between PIV sex to recover. I prefer more, he prefers more, but we both accept the limitations we face now.
We both prefer more, but he has never once pressured me, never once told me he can do better. He will very very likely not find someone that matches his libido, especially long term. Libido goes up and down in life. That’s just how it goes. His wants are not realistic long term. Maybe brand new in a relationship, if he’s lucky.