We’ve been together for 3 years. Recently, my girlfriend told me another man invited her to the movies. Instead of saying no, she casually responded that she hadn’t seen the original film, implying she’d be lost if she went. She gave me the same explanation. I found it strange that she didn’t just shut it down.
She also texts a married coworker after hours about work-related topics. When I raised concerns, she said I was being controlling and that it’s “just work.” She doesn’t seem to understand why the man’s wife might be uncomfortable with it, nor does she think it’s inappropriate to message after business hours.
Additionally, she removed me from all her social media accounts after I commented and referred to myself as her boyfriend — she said I was invading her privacy. However, she still has public posts with likes from her exes. Yet she doesn’t want me to discuss our relationship with anyone from her past, which feels like a double standard.
I’m trying to figure out if I’m overreacting or if these are legitimate boundaries being crossed.
TL;DR:
My girlfriend of 3 years didn’t reject a movie invite from another guy, texts married men after hours, deleted me from social media for commenting as her boyfriend, and keeps old posts with exes’ likes — but doesn’t want me talking about our relationship to people from her past. Am I being controlling, or are these red flags
Comments
You’re in a relationship. Doesn’t sound like she is.
>am I being controlling (38M), or is this a red flag?
Bright red flag. One so red you should stop dating it.
She has removed me from her social media because you referred to yourself has her boyfriend? Your not her boyfriend. She is a walking red flag.
I’m wondering if this is a fake story. Go back and reread what you wrote and pretend someone else wrote it. What would you say to that person? It sounds pretty insane that you’d be asking if you’re overreacting. She’s probably cheating on you or having emotional affairs with more than one guy. She doesn’t respect you. I suggest going to individual therapy to work on your self esteem-tell the therapist the story and see what they say!
Even if nothing shady is going on, your mismatched expectations on the relationship is a major problem. She wants you hidden and you don’t. Personally, I don’t think I could deal with that. Her getting upset indicates she most likely will not compromise.
You’re not her boyfriend 😬
She’s treating you like her dirty little secret that she’s embarrassed of. As soon as she deleted me from her social media I would be out. She’s hiding you for a reason. You deserve a girlfriend who tells the World about you and how great you are. Y’all have been together for 3 years but don’t tell anyone. WTF. She’s telling you another man invited her to the movies to make you jealous. She’s even telling you she didn’t shut him down just to mess with your head. Why else would she tell you about another man being interested in her. You’re probably already monitoring her social media from another account to see what she’s up to. This is a toxic relationship that you should move on from.
Are you in a relationship? She’s jumping through a lot of hoops to make sure people don’t know you exist.
She wants to appear single publicly, set up dates and lead others on, and seemingly making a slow start into a workplace affair? She wants to play single make her single.
This is just weird that you don’t realize she isn’t even considering you her boyfriend. Like, she’s told you that.
You’re not being controlling, but you are being a doormat.
Are you sure she knows you’re her boyfriend? Cuz it sure as F* doesn’t sound like it.!
Self-respect dude! Get some. And show her the 🚪
I would really love to know the contexts for what you’ve laid out so far, but my gut feeling is actually you’re the one tripping a little bit.
Some people being work home with them. You admit they’re talking about work-related topics. Gender and marital status are thus not relevant, they’re just working.
The Facebook post thing and the movies thing really need more context. Plenty of people keep their relationships under wraps (for reasons other than infidelity). And the movie rejection could be a nice way of telling that person no without making things awkward.
TL;DR: Needs more context.