I love my girlfriend of 6 years, we’ve had ups and downs but I take our relationship seriously and want to propose. She’s been dealing with past drama and has depression and recently she got really upset with me after an argument we had. She found out that I was chatting with another girl at the very beginning of our relationship 6 years ago. I asked my girlfriend to stop taking to me then I started talking with this other girl but nothing ever happened. Then I got back together with my girlfriend and we built a life together. She’s upset as she is comparing the way I messaged this other girl and the way I spoke to my girlfriend and she feels so betrayed and says our life is built on a lie. She wants me to leave or if I stay do things for her like post on social media a public apology or to embarrass myself. She even told me to stand on a garbage bin and take a selfie and I did that. I can’t do anything else, I’ve been sleeping in the corridor outside the flat for days. I want to leave to my uncle but whenever I leave she tries to harm herself. We don’t have any relatives or friends close by.
TL;DR; I don’t know what to do please help.
Comments
Leave her anyway.
You can leave a card with a list of mental help numbers.
Call her parents and leave
>She wants me to leave or if I stay do things for her like post on social media a public apology or to embarrass myself.
Since you stayed…did you actually post a public apology to her? Curious.
This is not a relationship, it’s a hostage situation.
> She even told me to stand on a garbage bin and take a selfie and I did that
LOL! Did she post that on social media, as in “My BF is such-and-such…”?
> I’ve been sleeping in the corridor outside the flat and I did that
OK, you must enjoy a part of this self-humiliation to keep at this. If that’s the case, keep playing her puppet.
This won’t stop so long as you’re there. If you want to stay, keep at it.
You want to PROPOSE to this person?
This is abuse. You are being abused. She is mentally ill and she is the only one who can fix that. The next time she threatens to harm herself, call her bluff. Call the police or a mental health intervention team if one exists in your area. What she is doing to you is not okay, and if she harms herself, that is her choice. Please talk to a therapist.
Boyyy you are in a mentally abusive relationship. Idk where you’re from but you need to call a team on her threats to harm herself. Get as much evidence as you can.
This is abuse. Bringing up past mistakes, kicking you out of the house to sleep outside, humiliating you, threatening self harm if you leave,
This is abuse.
You need to get somewhere safe and she needs to get professional help with the SH.
I’m sorry, I know it seems impossible but the only option is to leave. To simply leave and allow the cards to fall. It truly is. I went through this myself. It’s never going to get better, she’s never going to become stable, she’s never going to stop threatening this. She may be genuinely suffering, but her threats are manipulative and abusive. Her control over you is abusive.
It will only end when you take back control of your life and walk away. And I understand how impossible that feels – as you know there’s a real chance it could result in her literal death. I can’t quite explain how I was able to accept this, I just eventually did. I suppose one thing that helped was realizing I’d truly done all I could. I left the campsite better than I found it. My ex would have likely killed himself long ago if I didn’t date him, so if he killed himself because I left him, I knew that wouldn’t be on me. If anything I delayed it. If anything, I showed him a window into a healthier world, something to work towards in his future without me.
My ex didn’t kill himself. They almost never do. If they threaten to, you can call the police in their location for a wellness check if you have no ability to connect with her parents. I understand this is a controversial suggestion these days, but if the option is stay and be abused by this woman forever or do something #problematic with a potential for backfiring on someone in a mental crisis… Well you certainly have my permission to do the latter. You have the right to self preservation even at someone else’s expense, at a certain point. If calling the police is the only thing that gives you the confidence to leave, please do so.
There’s no other option, you must choose your own safety and sanity over her. At the end of the day, why is it fair that you should go insane on her behalf? It does not minimize the overall suffering to simply transfer it to you, and as you’ve seen, she still has all her own suffering. It’s only compounding. You both can’t live like this forever. She hurts herself and is suicidal with you, you leaving is not the cause. It won’t be your fault, though I understand that’s not the only thing holding you back – it used to drive me crazy because I knew it wasn’t my fault, but I still didn’t want the person I loved to die!
I don’t know if these logical arguments will resonate with you but they are the only thing that got me out of that situation. You must leave, completely cut contact so you can’t even hear about her threats, and move forward. You’re at a turning point here. I just really want you to know that if there is tragedy, you cannot do anything to avoid it. All you can do is start to choose yourself, and at least save yourself from going down with the ship.
If you have the means, I suggest getting a therapist as it will really help you to have this neutral party to guide you through the process.
So sorry this is happening.. i would also suggest getting her parents to come take care of her and place an ultimatum of therapy/treatment once they arrive.
Leave her now & than if she tried to self harm call the emergency line
Leave and tell one of her local loved ones about the self-harm concerns. Dragging this out is not good for either of you.
What? She’s kicked you out but you haven’t left? You need to leave.