My girlfriend (28F) and I (29M) have been living together for about a year. She’s recently become unemployed and spends most of the day at home and then is out of the house from 6-10pm rehearsing for a play that she’s in. I’m at work from 8am-6pm so often we typically don’t see each other until night time. When I get home I’m always exhausted but I’ll usually make myself dinner and oftentimes my girlfriend will ask what I had/am having for dinner and I’ll tell her, and she’ll ask why I didn’t make her some too and act hurt that I didn’t. Since she is home all day not really doing much I feel that she should be responsible for making herself dinner. It’s already a strain for me to come home after a grueling 10 hour day of work and make dinner for myself and I don’t feel like it should be on me to make sure that she eats as well. I know this may all sound petty but I really resent that she expects me to make her dinner when she has ample time to do it during the day. What’s a good solution?
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Who cooked dinner when she was working?
Does she not know how to cook? I presume you share groceries?
Why is she not fixing food? Should you meal plan together? Some people just don’t cook. (I do cook, so it is hard to understand). I think if you can read you can cook. Maybe not true. (Have you seen the Schitt’s Creek episode about folding in the cheese).
Please have a conversation about this. Maybe she isn’t buying groceries because she’s unemployed. She is hungry though, so when you cook she’d like to eat.
Problem solve this. Figure out what is going on for her.
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Which one of yous typically made dinner before she was unemployed? If that was previously something you usually did, maybe she just doesn’t see it as her «chore» in a way.
I agree, however, if you’re currently supporting the two of you financially, it’s only fair if she makes the dinner. But I could also see that if you’re already making yourself food, that she would expect you to set aside some for her. Talk to your girlfriend about your expectations, it’s not an issue worth creating resentment over.
Dinner is often a social meal for families. It is common for couples to check in for meals when they are together, and if you get home and she is there, and you don’t check in and just go make a meal, with no consideration for her, it seems like you don’t care. Like she is just a roommate, not a girlfriend, and not family.
Maybe she senses that something changed, if you used to sometimes cook for her, and now you never do, you never ask, you just look out for you but not for both of you.
I usually ask my husband should I make this thing for us for dinner, or hey I am just having a snack for dinner, and he says either yes to the meal, or that he will fend for himself. But I don’t just go make something for myself without speaking to him.
It just sounds like the two of you should talk about it, figure out a solution, so neither of you feel snubbed or taken advantage of.
I’d definitely communicate it but approach it from a place of lightness. Maybe something like “hey, I’m finding I’m really tired after work and it would mean a lot to me if you’d be able to make us some dinner before you go to rehearsal?” Maybe that’s too soft. But definitely communicate it or the resentment will build.
You could be super petty and eat before you come home…. lol jk jk tell her how you feel! You should never have to hide your feelings from your person if expressed with thoughtfulness and calmness
Listen, I hear you. Maybe you can come up with a cooking schedule that works for both of you, like some days she can cook for both of you and vice versa. If one person is contributing more financially, then the other can handle a larger portion of the house chores including cooking. I do think it’s weird that you exclude cooking more of the same thing for her to eat too, though. Once you’re cohabiting, you two become partners and a “team” so maybe you can stop seeing the act of dinner/cooking as an individual act like every man for himself. This goes for her, too, of course
You don’t even care if she eats. Just break up with her.