My classmate died in February 2025 due to a harmless bacteria that eventually caused septic shock. And even though we weren’t friends, I think about her every day. She was cremated, so I went to her final greeting (I was one of the only ones from our class who showed up), and then to her funeral, which somehow felt less sad than the final greeting—if that makes sense.
When I heard that she died, I didn’t cry. I also didn’t cry during her final greeting or at her funeral. I felt so detached. I spoke to her on Monday, and she died Tuesday evening. She seemed so healthy—she wasn’t even sick. And just like that, she was gone.
All the teachers were crying, and it felt so hypocritical because they were always so mean to us—and to her. Suddenly, they were mourning someone they didn’t even know emotionally. If I passed away and saw them crying, I’d be really pissed off, because they don’t deserve to mourn after treating everyone like crap. Honestly, I don’t even know if I deserve to grieve, because I wasn’t her friend. We were acquaintances, we were classmates. So why do I feel like I’m the only one who still thinks about her every day since she died? She hasn’t left my mind.
She was the happiest, most positive person alive, and she was taken away. She didn’t deserve that.
So tell me—why do I grieve and think about her more than her own friends do?
Comments
You are allowed to grieve. We all grieve in different ways. My father had stomach cancer. When, after two years of wasting away, he left this earth I didn’t cry. I was happy his pain was over.
You are totally allowed! Grief has its own rules & takes charge.
When this has happened to me – when I’ve had an oversized reaction to the death of someone I wasn’t very close to – it’s been because of how uncomfortable it is to remember that we are all one random event away from dying. Mortality haunts us every day, most of us don’t think about it.
When we’re forced to confront how random life is (and as a minister, I do believe it’s random and that there is no God pulling strings or making decisions for us) it can be very unsettling and cause what I think of as existential grief.
That, on top of missing your friend &/or adjusting to her absence as a new normal, would definitely be a lot to hold.
What country is this in?
A human died of course you’re allowed to grieve. Being sad a person or creature is dead isn’t something you have to “earn” it’s apart of life and being human.