I work at a day care. Some parents complained to management that I’m cold and got the “genz stare”
I literally just want to do my job and crash out, I already take care of these people’s kids all day while they hop on “zoom calls” and pretend like they do real work.
Then every time I’m about to clock out these people walks up and tries to start a conversation and they always start with a fake smile (yuk). I just want to do my job, get paid, not trying to be your friend man. No I do not WANT to have a personal relationship with these parents, yes I see them weekly as they pick up their kids so they’re all familiar faces BUT LET’S LEAVE IT AT THAT.
I’m a very introverted and reserved person, so I’m definitely don’t want to be bothered and made to give up energy of a full conversation. So please keep your hellos or and small talks to yourself, just get in and get out. Also you’re the awkward one i can see it coming mile away and you always make the same weird head nod and crooked smile. Don’t make this more difficult than it already is, and yes you’re being a whiny millennial.
AITH HERE?
Comments
Probably shouldn’t be working with kids if you have no people skills.
Yes yta you are being unprofessional. You don’t have to be friends with anyone but you need to be welcoming to the parents that use the daycare you work at. I’m also gen z and introverted but over the years I’ve learned to put on a smile and use my warmest customer service voice when needed. I think you might benefit from a different type of job.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. not smiling back at work to the customers
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. Sorry but smiling at parents during drop off/pick up and enduring the awkward small talk they make is literally part of the job. Childcare is not a field you just clock in/clock out of, that’s a cashier. Parents want to know their little ones are happy and cared for, they want to hear about their day, and they want to know their teachers are kind and loving.
I’ve been teaching for over 11yrs. When I was starting out, I also felt very uncomfortable when parents made small talk with me. I was so much younger than them and didn’t know what to say to a PARENT! Having no kids of my own, I really didn’t know how to relate to them, despite caring for their children most hours of the week. As I’ve gotten older, it’s so much easier. It’s actually wonderful when students have friendly, interested parents! They are the ones who will help with classroom supply and wishlists! They are the ones who will send treats for classroom parties! They are the ones who will get you gifts for holidays and teacher appreciation days! They are the ones who will ask you to babysit and pay you WAY MORE than you are making right now!
If you intend to stay in childcare, you owe it to yourself to SMILE at the parents and act as friendly as you’re able. It will bring you nothing but success! Yes, there are the bad days when you’re run ragged, can’t muster a coherent thought or more than a grimace by pick up time. Guess what? The parents you’ve smiled at, have shown you care about their kid, they will be the only ones to notice or care.
If you can’t do this, I think you should look into another type of job. Childcare doesn’t pay well, the extra emotional labour is expected but not well compensated. We do it because we love it, no other reason. If you don’t love it, there are dozens of grocery stores and fast food chains who will pay you as much or more than you make now. Think about it.
YTA. Part of your job is being approachable, kind, and talking to the parents. They are leaving their most important people with you to care for all day, the least you can do is have a 2 minute conversation about little Susie. Also, you come off as very dismissive with your “zoom calls” comment. The majority of parents are working and working hard even if it looks different than your job.
YTA. You are the asshole. You care for these people’s children. Yes, this is part of the job. Get a different one if it isn’t a fit. If you worked at my daughter’s daycare I probably would complain tbh.
Do you smile/are you friendly with the children? Because that’s part of the job. And parents want to know their kids are being treated kindly but a qualified, friendly person. If your face says “Don’t even talk to me,” that’s going to leave parents reasonably concerned. They’re not asking for a “personal relationship” as much as a brief, pleasant exchange. which is perfectly reasonable to expect.
“Also you’re the awkward one i can see it coming mile away and you always make the same weird head nod and crooked smile.”
They may well be reacting to your demeanor and aren’t sre how to respond to it.
Probably YTA.
YTA. Parent communication is a basic requirement of all work with kids- daycare, nannying, summer camp and teaching. An unavoidable one. Surprised your manager hasn’t stepped in yet.
If you really hate it that’s fair enough but you eventually need to find another job.
Yikes…your attitude is something.
YTA!
Obviously YTA. Multiple people are complaining and you’re outright saying that you aren’t being friendly–it’s not as if you’re coming here going, “I try to be friendly but sometimes my resting face looks mean.”
Not to mention the judgmental attitude–why do you assume the parents’ smiles are all fake? I usually smile genuinely when I greet someone, even if it’s a stranger, a cashier, etc. Admittedly, the smiles might be fake now since they probably have a really poor opinion of you now, but it’s really out of touch to assume that everyone coming in isn’t genuinely trying to be friendly and is faking it (especially since many people naturally smile when greeting someone).
Sounds like you are in the wrong line of work. Of course there isn’t really any line of work that would suit you, so that’s problematic. YTA.
YTA. I’m also an introvert and hate faking smiles and small talk. That’s why I have a job where I largely work alone and don’t need to interact with the general public. But when I worked in retail and as a server, I faked it. It’s part of some jobs, yours included. So suck it up and fake it or get into a new line of work.
YTA
You’re in the wrong profession.
People will want to know how their kids did at daycare. You don’t have to be everyone’s best friend, but you do have to be courteous in a cusromer facing position.
Also, how is coordinating via Zoom calls not real work? This is coming off as extremely judgmental.
You know, I appreciate that gen z is reconsidering the obligations that previous generations have placed on ourselves but I do think maybe it’s gone too far. You actually do owe other people a certain amount of kindness and basic respect, and yes that includes smiling and making small talk. That’s part of living in a society. If you don’t want to do that, get a job where you’re not interacting with people on a daily basis.
But I’m just a whiny millennial with a zoom call job, wtf do I know. (YTA)
YTA. This is not the job for you. If you worked at my kids daycare I would not want my kids there.
YTA.
First you don’t need to be in childcare if your attitude is like THAT. Secondly. You ARE aware that for handover you need to ya know COMMUNICATE with the parents right?
If someone’s child has an accident you simply don’t fill out a incident report and leave it be. You tell the parent “hey your kid has an accident and XYZ happened”
Trust me it won’t kill you to spend a couple minutes talking with the parents and nurturing a professional relationship with them.
You know you can get letters of recommendation from these parents right? Not just bosses these parents. But if you’re making them feel unwanted it can cost you, your job and be denied jobs from other care facilities. Daycare workers talk to each other especially if they had a problem employee.
Maybe try fast food where you work in the back, or maybe a restaurant as a dishwasher. Or any position in which human interaction is limited to none..
Cause you also ain’t helping these kids thrive if you have that big of an issue with talking to the adults let alone the kids
YTA
Can we please stop with the “gen z stare” thing. A whole generation of people isn’t unfriendly, that’s an individual choice. That’s a you choice. You watch people’s children because they have full time jobs. Zoom calls and meetings aren’t made up, perhaps outside your realm of personal experience but not made up.
You looking unapproachable sends a message to the parents of these children that you are a cold person, and nobody wants someone who looks dead in the eyes watching their kids.
If you can’t deal with basic human interaction the problem isn’t “whiny millennials”, the problem is you.
Small talk, smiling and basic kindness can get you pretty far in life. They are assets, not an inconvenience.
YTA. A massive part of childcare is the personality. Parents want to nurture their children, hopefully both emotionally and intellectually. If you can’t trust someone to be nice to you, how can you trust them around your small, vulnerable, impressionable child? You don’t have to be best friends with your coworkers, but it is a machine that I don’t think you fit into.
YTA
You don’t need to have a personal relationship but you do need to be courteous to the parents of the children you’re caring for.
Tried to make this comment earlier but Reddit issues got in the way.
YTA and maybe you could benefit from a different line of work! It’s okay to not be a people person and a reserved person, but working at a daycare means working with young children and their families. Sending your child to daycare is a difficult decision, scary transition, and expensive! The minimum I’d want is to get a good feeling that the person I’m leaving my young child with is a warm and caring person that I can trust. It’d be hard for me to feel that with your disposition. Work isn’t always just work, there’s more to it than your job role duties. I hope you can reflect and see if it’s worth it to you fake the smile and small talk or if it’s time to try something new!
Sounds like you won’t be working there very much longer…
YTA, they figure you are a cold, unfriendly person to their kids too.
NAH. I work in childcare too, and I completely understand how stressful and draining it can be. A large part of the job description is communication with parents, and that does require some customer service skills (and occasionally fake smiles for the stressful ones), but sometimes there are days where you’re just out of it. It’s okay to not smile all the time. I also feel that you not smiling at adults is not inherently indicative of your ability to interact with children. I absolutely love my job and I love all my work babies, but when I get home I’m absolutely exhausted and my social battery is drained. It’s not easy being surrounded by tiny humans who have no concept of personal space. Maybe you’re burnt out and are just having a not so good day. If you’re able to, please consider taking a day off and just relaxing. Be kind to yourself and recharge. Some alone time to recharge your social battery may be helpful. It’s okay to have bad days, and it’s okay to be human. Be kind to yourself, so that you can give some kindness back to others. 🩷
You might want to find work in a very deep cave or a deserted island cuz you don’t seem to be able to work or play well with other humans. Damn Nod, smile, say bye bye & leave.
YTA
YTA. Get a different job it that’s how you feel. “I just want to do my job and get paid.” Talking to parents IS part of your job. If you won’t take 20 seconds to smile to the parents, it follows that you don’t smile for the kids. Which means you’re phoning it in with the children. And this is one of the only ways parents can get a feel for what kind of caretaker you are. They’re already unhappy that they have to spend time away from their kids, but they’re giving you the benefit of the doubt that you will keep their kids safe and happy. By refusing to engage socially, it gives them reason to question whether you’re going to take good care of their children.
There’s parts of every job people don’t like. If you find this aspect of childcare intolerable, change careers. It is unreasonable to expect parents not to talk to the people who watch their children everyday. Moreover, your views are in the minority. If a parent basically ignored their kid’s teacher, most teachers would consider that rude.
YTA, I know for a fact you’re also very annoying.
Yta! Good grief.
No one is asking you to be best friends but you need to be friendly and respectful to the parents. You’re taking care of their children all day. They need to know you’re being nice to their children too.
And if you can’t do that, time to find a new job. But you’re probably not gonna be very successful if you can’t understand what being professional in a job environment means.
I am the type of person who doesn’t like fake smiles and people who demand that everyone be polite all the time, so I would not be one to complain. But if I stumbled across this post, I would make sure you were never around my children again and would make sure your boss knew as I was transferring my kid somewhere else.
YTA
Girl you are complaining about some VERY basic skills needed to succeed in this field. It is important to build relationships with parents you take care of their kids all day, their literal lives are in your hands!!! I get wanting to just do your job but you should find another field of work especially if you’re struggling mentally because this field is not for the faint of heart long term especially if you struggle with depression and anxiety. I think you need to either speak with a therapist or just think long and hard about what you want because if you were my co-teacher I’d be pissed off.
I’m introverted and I teach group fitness classes on top of my full time job in Accounting. Just gonna learn how to fake it. The parents are trusting you with their children’s lives. It wouldn’t hurt to smile at them and make light conversation.
Yeah, you’re in the wrong line of work. YTA.