I 24M feel that my partner 24F is overwhelming me on a daily basis. I really love this person, we’ve been together for 3 1/2 years, and they are my person in so many ways. But this is just such a tiring, difficult recurring pattern. I feel that I could write out so many explanations here and scenarios that might better detail what I mean, but I’m also just exhausted from the relationship. We’re both in therapy, we both have plenty of outlets for stress, were both well adjusted people, and I’m confident in myself and how I handle things. Behind all of this though, I really need to vent in a way, but also hear others advice.
I feel that I’m being asked, nearly daily, if I’m okay, or if I’m doing alright, or why I’m being so quiet, why I’m being a ghost, why I’m a shell of myself, why I’m not the same partner as last week. I know that writing this out it may seem like I should just stop being those things. I understand that they’re simply ways that my partner is reaching out for connection and trying to be heard and know that I, as a partner, am literally here with her emotionally. But it’s everyday – it’s every time I am feeling down, it’s when I’m not feeling down but I may not be talking enough, or cuddling enough, or I seemed more excited talking to someone else in a certain moment than her. It’s anytime I deviate from someone who is completely at 100%. We’ve had so many discussions about this and about how this is crushing me. It’s crushing me to have my mood monitored, and my emotions analyzed in the ways that they are. She’s said in all of these conversations that she hears me and hears how hard it would be to have that happen, then it happens again the next day.
I truly want to reiterate that I understand her position. I understand why she feels the need to check in, and also that it would be terrifying for a partner to be emotionally absent, but this is too difficult for me too often. I don’t feel I’m given any space to be distant or upset, I feel that as soon as I am I’m being compared to a different version of me, and then critiquing and blaming comes into play by saying all the things I’ve done wrong. I honestly just want a partner who doesn’t feel the need to put me down in these ways, and who doesn’t need this much constant reassurance. How do I handle this? I don’t know what to do with a partner that needs this assurance so much, in a way that feels OCD driven, but I feel on edge at all times, and haven’t been able to relax in a long time.
TLDR: My partner is constantly asking me whats wrong and needing reassurance and I feel that I can’t just be and enjoy our time