I just had a baby on Friday and he’s been home with me for only 3 days. My newborns dad and I aren’t together and don’t live together and he wants to see him and bond with him. I originally agreed that he could go to his house on the weekend and stay because that’s when he doesn’t have work but today he asked me if he could take him on Wednesday instead of Friday at 5 and back on Sunday at 5 like we originally agreed on. So I asked him to come and have a conversation face to face with me and we did, I ended up telling him that he could have him sometime Thursday and stay until Sunday. But now I’m regretting saying that. I feel like he’s too young to be staying anywhere and being away from me. But I hate to go back on what I had told his dad. What should I do?
My newborns dad wants him to stay the night for 3 days. Help!
r/Advice
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thursday to saturday or thursday to sunday with the caveat that you stay there.
No way..
Your feelings are totally valid, especially with how new everything is. It’s okay to set boundaries and change plans if it doesn’t feel right yet. Maybe suggest shorter visits for now and build up from there.
TLDR my kids dad is trying too much to be in his life.
The baby is too young! He shouldn’t be staying in homes other than his own, or be separated from you until he has had an opportunity to bond with you, establish healthy routines, adjust to the world and build up an immune system and has started getting his shots.
Talk to your doctor first if you need back up. Are you exclusively breastfeeding? Because that would definitely be a no-no. It would not be recommended for the baby to stay overnights away until at least 6-9 months. Longer if exclusively breastfeeding.
You should allow the father to stay with you for a few days so he can bond with his baby.
This is a terrible idea. Regardless of whether he wants to bond the baby needs his/her mother. It’s a freakin newborn. Trust your gut. Do not let that baby out of your sight! It should be attached to you pretty much 24/7. Especially of you’re breastfeeding but even if you’re not.
You need to keep that baby home with you. It’s been THREE DAYS. I understand you’re both living with parents, but this man should be sleeping on your couch for a few days then when he wants to see the baby.
Hell naw! Baby is toooo young!
OP in all seriousness what professionals and authorities are involved in this situation because this sounds like an incredible red flag to me – this baby is only days old and this guy sounds clueless and weird? Non-parents are probably going to pile on but unless there is some sort of incredible support system around this guy, most Men would have a lot of trouble caring for a days old baby for several days in a row without mom present.
I’m hoping by “at home” you mean his parents are present in his home too because otherwise this reads like the sort of thing that leads to a death (even if his parents are home I still think baby should stay with you for at least 6 weeks)
No way in the world would I be forced to separate from my newborn baby!
I can only advise for now to let him sleep on your couch and spend the time with the baby for a few days..uncomfortable as it maybe but for the sake of your child..until the baby is older . Way to young to be separated
It’s great that you want to be fair to the dad but the baby comes first. Tell him that he can’t take the baby until custody is established in court. It’s not healthy to take an infant from mother that early.
Good for the dad wanting to be involved. You don’t have to yield to him/his family. Boundaries need to be established and respected. Will the child stay in the home or does he intend to take him places? Newborns are susceptible to catching germs from other people. Do you care whether his family is vaccinated?
Are you breastfeeding? If so you can’t be away from your days old newborn for multiple days like that. Either you both stay with baby daddy or baby daddy stays the night at your place.
The answer is, hell no.
You could tell your ex that on the advice of a parenting counsellor, separation from mom is a bad idea for a newborn It’s a lie but who cares
Also, he may be being influenced by his parents for a reason that may become clear in due course.
If your ex wants to see his kid, he can make the effort to come.
Confused. You have two previous posts, in one you are 18 and in another 19, father of the baby is 17. Either way, 17 yo has no business telling you to give him a week old baby for four nights. I guarantee you that at 17 it’s not him speaking but his parents. And I suspect you need more help and understanding of newborn needs that you let on. Maybe you are much younger than you tell us, or simply don’t understand the needs of a newborn baby. That baby should never leave your side for at least 3 months if not longer. And as someone said before, not without custody and child support agreement in place.
Get a custody and child support order, before you let him have the baby.
No, don’t. Idek how you could do it. That would give me so much anxiety
Your baby is much too young to be away from you that long.
You both live at home, so chances are he isn’t going to steal the baby as others have suggested. However, infants are naturally very attached to their mother’s and getting “equal bonding time” may not be so appealing to him once he realizes he can’t sooth this baby properly without you. On the other hand, it he finds a way to make it work then good. Get some rest, pump your boobs. You are both young and sharing the time could be beneficial in the end.
Say NO, he can’t stay with you yet. He can visit him, but not take him overnight. Go through the courthouse and get a visitation order. Is ok to go back on your word.
Update us.
Does he have a crib? Know how to change a diaper? Have a demonstrated ability to get up multiple times in the night with a screaming infant without risk of getting over stimulated and shaking the baby? Understands different types of cries? Knows how to properly prepare and give a bottle? Knows how to safely clean and clothe a baby? Knows their normal temperature and that below 97.7 or above 100.4 is emergency room for an infant under 3 months? This is your literal child not a stuffed animal you hand over to play nice. Your child should go NOWHERE without you. Playing nice be damned. He’s your ex for a reason.
Talk to a family law attorney immediately. It’s common for a newborn to have no overnights away from mom, with frequent visits from dad and gradually phase in overnights with dad as the baby gets older.
That said, nights with a newborn are difficult, requiring parents to get up every 2 hours, if not more. If he’s looking forward to that, he should come to you and help you at night. You can take shifts and decide who sleeps when.
No, the baby is too young. Make him go to court and get proper and reasonable visitation set for the baby’s age. The court knows what that is. At this stage you need to allow him to come to you to visit. The baby is too young for public exposure.
Nah. That’s your bonding time
No, your baby is too young to be away from you yet. I would say he can come visit the baby, but not take the baby away from you. Maybe re-evaluate after a few months. Are you breastfeeding? That would also be problematic.