my boyfriend of almost 10 years just admitted to me that he doesn’t love me anymore. he’s 28M and i’m 27F. he saved me from an abusive childhood and took me out of that environment when i was 18. i’ve lived with him ever since. i’ve never had my own car, my own job(besides babysitting), my own anything. i’ve always been fully dependent on him. and now we’ve decided to go our separate ways…but i have no idea how? i never experienced being independent? i don’t know how to do anything, especially from being so sheltered in my childhood with abusive parents. how do i get a place of my own if i have no money? everything i had in savings i gave to him to help with bills. i have no transportation. i feel so lost. i feel stuck. i have nobody else in my life. we’re still friendly and civil with each other but he’s ready for me to leave and i literally need to figure out the quickest way to leave. or do i try and get a job first that gets me enough income to have a small apartment on my own first? but how would i get to a job when i have no transportation? i just need advice please, i have nobody i can ask for help besides my therapist i guess?
how do i start a life of my own?
r/Advice
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This is your rebirth not your ruin, being thrown into the unknown is brutal but it’s how strength is forged. Get a job first, any job even walking distance, and use it as your launchpad to escape dependence and finally claim a life that’s yours.
Start by finding a local job you can walk to or reach by bus, and ask your therapist for help connecting to shelters, housing aid, or women’s support groups. You’re not broken, you’re just finally building your own life from scratch!
You can also see if there are any women’s shelters in your area. They offer various supports.
You’re not stuck you’re starting fresh. Look into local shelters or resources for women starting over. Talk to your therapist about support options. Focus on one step at a time like a nearby job or remote work. You’ve survived worse. You can do this.
You can use public transportation like the bus or train. Can’t you talk to your significant other to give you some more time until you have enough money saved, to move out on your own?
If not, you might have to go to a homeless shelter. It’s not bad. They might even feed you there.
congratulations this is the start of so many blessings and your very own life. Start saving your money, use the bus for transpo and look for cheap room rentals near you. Go to college even! Apply for govt aid since it usually covers tuition and a large chunk of rent if you live off of campus!!
I dont have much advice to give unfortunately but i hope this helps in a sense. Once you find a job and can make some sort of a stable income i would try to find a room to rent at least since that would be cheaper than getting your own place and you can split bills 50/50 instead of losing your whole paycheck in one. since you have babysat, i would collect a list of references and maybe see if you can possibly find a position as a live-in nanny if you are unable to find any housing resources. it requires more work than just child care but i would look into it. being independent is very tough, as i am learning how to deal with being alone myself. it does take quite some time to readjust and there is certainly a lot of anxiety accompanied with it but once you find a job it will help take things off your mind a lot. try joining local facebook groups too as a lot of people in your area should be able to point you in the right direction with good resources
It would suck to have to pull this card, but he has to give you notice. He can’t just pull your living situation out from under you. While he had the time to privately sort out his feelings in his head and arrive to the conclusion that he needed to end things, you had NO TIME to prepare and get ready for this change. It’s so hard to scramble to find a job, transportation and housing while realizing the relationship you’ve had most of your life is gone. You’ll need a paystub proving your income before a rental place will even look at you. You’ll usually need 2 months of rent up front plus security deposit and any fees. He has to give you time to accommodate that. You said it’s civil so ask him to be civil. He HAS to give you at least 30 days but, if he’s civil, he could be generous and give you a little longer. If he’s pushing you to go quickly, there might be another person he’s wanting to spend time with. Abruptly ending a relationship just seems sus without a catalyst.
See if you could be roommates until you are saved up to get on your feet. Legally he’ll need to give you at least 30 days.