My boyfriend, 36M and I, 27F have been together for 2 years. In the last year he’s been treating me worse and it feels like things have changed. Whenever we are together, he constantly makes “jokes” that seem like a jab at me. He always makes jokes about hooking up with other people (mutual friends) and says it’s a “joke” but it doesn’t feel like a joke. Constant jokes of “side pieces” and he’ll even say that I should go hook up with other girls (not men for whatever reason). But we’ve discussed this multiple times about these comments and they will not stop.
He is truly the laziest person I’ve met. When we first started dating, he always said “I’m here to help and I want you to ask for help” but complains any time he “has” to do something for me. We don’t live together, but we are planning on buying a house. But when I moved earlier in the year, he complained the entire time. There are many other examples I can give. But he never wants to do anything except sit on his phone. After dinner, he will go sit on his phone and not help clean and/ or leave his garbage on the table for my cat to eat.
He also makes it very clear he cares about status and materialistic things. He thinks new clothes he buys “make him look good”, and he is now using my new job as “a new title he loves”.
One last HUGE factor- this man will not brush his teeth for days. I try addressing all these things real time. I’ll ask him if he brushes his teeth, and he’ll say “no I forgot” or just “no”. And after a few days it’s just mouthwash and not actually brushing. I’m truly repulsed to kiss this man sometimes.
I know a lot of this can be normal relationship “annoyances” but it feels worse than that. I do love him a lot, and there is something holding me back on breaking up with him. Any advice is welcome.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Why would it be bad to break things off because from what he is saying he isn’t happy either?
Learn to value yourself more and break it off so that neither one of you is settling for a situation that isn’t good for either of you.
You already know the answer. Just leave. You don’t need to justify it, or have enough reasons. You know he’s a giant man child
What…is holding you back? Not good enough to say “something” without self-reflecting. Because buying a house with a lazy guy who never brushes his teeth, who you don’t want to kiss, and who is emotionally abusive under cover of jokes sounds like a solid life move.
Not brushing teeth for days?????? Ew
Yea I’d leave him for sure. He sounds awful. But it’s easier to say when you’re not in it.
this is a no brainer, honey.
Do not buy a house with this man. He’s a gross, mean, lecherous bum.
leave asap and find someone who actually values you, and works as your partner.
It’s never bad to leave any relationship you are unhappy in.
What the actual f*ck?
So, what does he bring to the table? Why haven’t you left yet?
Why would you stay with someone who repulses you at times, makes disrespectful remarks and ‘jokes’ about cheating on you? The whole situation sounds terrible, you’ve talked about it and nothing changed so I doubt it’s ever going to change, just leave now, before you invest any more of yourself in this mess. Look after you, raise your standards, at least to someone who knows basic hygiene and doesn’t constantly talk about being with someone else. You don’t need that hammering away at your self esteem all the time, you don’t deserve anyone who doesn’t think you deserve the best they can be for you. You can end a relationship for any reason or no reason, it’s neither good nor bad, it’s something that you do because you know you have to.
The advice is RUN
Just break up with him. He’s a steaming pile of garbage that brings nothing to the table. Do not move in with him. You owe him nothing.
DUMP HIMMM HE IS LAZY AND NASTY!!!!
Omg… you can do soo much better… leave!
Why in the world are you with this man? And for god sakes do not buy a house with him that’s insane. Obviously you can do better than this piece of crap.
The only thing holding you back from breaking up with this guy is the balls to actually do it. He doesn’t appear to offer you anything that makes him worth keeping around.
Whatever attracted you to this guy? He doesn’t brush his teeth? That’s so crazy. If he needs help with personal hygiene, and has the audacity to insult you in any way, is extremely tone deaf. I would run from this guy, why even write this, you had to know what was up. You lost 2 years with this guy, not that long, your very young, but wasting another day with this joker is a huge mistake. You owe it to yourself, this guy is setting you up to be his bread winning, mother. His mother is where he needs to be, what grown man doesn’t brush his teeth? Not a grown man, he needs a refresher course, at home with momma.
You deserve all the love and happiness in the world and he clearly isn’t giving you that. Cut him loose and be glad it was only two years and not a lifetime.
And he’s given you to exit: next time he makes a “joke” that you find offensive, after the eleventy-seventh time you’ve told him that you don’t like those jokes, just stop what you’re doing, look him dead in the eye and say “that’s it. I’m done.” and walk away. Go grey rock and do not engage in any discussions, no matter how much he wheedles, whines, begs, cajoles, calls you names, damages drywall, cries, gaslights and name calls. I’m know that you have had conversations about everything that you’re unhappy about, and he knows too.
Once you’re out, I give it less than a month before you realize that those “love him a lot” feelings were just a habit and once he’s out of sight and you start living to make YOU happy, he’ll be just a sad little halitosis cloud in your rearview mirror.
You deserve better and you know it.
None of these are “normal relationship annoyances”. I separated from my spouse and even he didn’t do any of this shit.
There are worse things than being alone, and dating this gross man-baby seems to be one of them.
This has to be rage bait… there’s no way.
Sounds like he’s a loser and so are you for staying with him… just being honest… sex isn’t love
Why are you with him, again?
Girl what more do you want to break up with him? This man doesn’t brush his teeth for god’s sake…
Are you afraid of losing him? Everything you just described is repulsive. I’m sure he has some redeeming qualities, but the person you described is far below average.
Hygiene is a basic life skill. Bare minimum.
Are you afraid he will find happiness with someone else? That would be a tremendous blessing for you.
The last thing I would ever do is go on the internet and ask a bunch of lonely weirdos their opinions on relationships. 90 percent of Reddit are obese virgins. Follow your heart, you do not need the opinion of strangers. They do not know your partner and everything you been through as much as you.
This man isn’t even responsible enough to brush his teeth yet you’re still planning on buying a house with him lol
Break up. He’s going to get worse.
I got the “ick” just reading this. Just no.
Why is this remotely a hard decision?
Break up with him
“I know all of this can be normal”
Excuse me, WHAT THE FUCK?
When I read the title alone I thought “it’s never bad to end a relationship you don’t want to be in” because, well, breaking up is not a crime. If you feel uncomfortable, you have all the right to break up. Even if you don’t feel uncomfortable, if you just don’t want to be with someone anymore it’s completely ok.
After I read the post itself, all I could think was “why are you still with him?, especially when you mentioned his buccal hygiene (or lack thereof).
What do you mean normal, girl? Did you read what you wrote? You feel disgusted with the idea of kissing the guy because his mouth is FILTHY, IT’S NOT NORMAL. IT’S FUCKING GROOOOSSSSS.
You don’t need to break up. You need to dump him. Like, literally. Throw him in a dumpster.
After your description of the relationship, it’s not bad at all. You would be doing yourself a massive favour, as he does not seem to appreciate you or even like you.
Do not buy a house together. Save yourself the trouble of having to sell the house after the break up.
Just break up, move out and move on.
Edit to say none of what you described is normal in a relationship.
You need to raise your bar.
None of this is normal. Girl not brushing teeth daily is insanely on the other end of abnormal. The fck???