I will be taking this down later, but for now I’m at a loss and need advice from guys who aren’t family- just until I get a battle plan staged.
I (20F) live with my mom (42?F) and brother (10M)
Ofc I knew that one day he’d hit that hormonally horny stage of his life eventually, so I’m not at all surprised that he’s masturbating and therefore curious about sex stuff- that’s whatever. He’s a growing boy after all. But his curiosity is starting to infringe on mine and our mother’s privacy and I won’t lie it’s freaking me the fuck out.
I’d catch him lurking in front of our mom’s bedroom listening through her door, stains that weren’t there prior are all over the common room couch and office pillows left out to crust, and I recently found him peeking under my bedroom door at 2 in the morning when heard a noise, twisted my neck around to look under the door and he scurried away.
It feels like bugs are crawling on me and I’m starting to get paranoid about being watched everywhere in the house. The bathroom and my own bedroom, the only two places where I should really be safe, feel compromised. I know it’s pathetic to be this freaked out about a fourth grader, and trust me I don’t want to be, but this is getting too weird for me man
I completely understand that the “I just discovered sex!” thing is a gauntlet all kids face eventually, but it’s hard to be impartial and mature about it when you’re on the receiving end of that discovery. I don’t want him to be ashamed, and objectively ik it’s normal, but this is…idk. The obvious answer is that I talk to him and/or our mother but how do I approach him? Maybe I’ve got it all twisted and the best thing is to let it run its course? As former little boys, what do y’all think..? Hell- I’m open to all opinions- I just need advice.
Comments
Have you tried speaking to him or having your mother speak to him about privacy and boundaries?
Jesus… when I figured this out I kept that shit as hidden as possible, thought ppl would think I was gross so I was very very particular about it at that age. Got caught one time… poor grandmas bathroom towel… after that doubled down on the precautions. Never even thought about running around looking at mom or sis… ever… not even once. maybe… introduce em to some like… magazines? Seems more interesting than mom or sis 😂 might keep em in his own room as well.
To add onto that, my father just threw a stack of playboys on my bed… worked out fairly well I’d say. Never had a conversation about it but I wasn’t launching loads into the family sofa either so maybe have an authority figure talk to em about it… actually because of the mom sis thing, potentially no male role model around, have mom sit him down and go over this shit with em. 10 years old cranking it, not the issue, sofa and doorways covered in splooge… kinda an issue…. Comfortable to spy on siblings and mothers whilst cranking it onto the doorways… big big issue
Lol ummm there might be more wrong there than just a horny kid
Tell your little bro that there are boundaries and respect them or there will be consequences. Whatever you do talk 2 him and your Mom as a family session on his behavior that should be the end of that. That’s not a normal behavior for being a boy that’s creeper behavior. I wish you luck .
Speak with your mum and take next steps from there, probably best to have your brother speak to a professional about this. To me this is not normal at all. You should not feel uncomfortable in your own home and your brother needs to understand this from a young age
Nah you don’t just chalk that up to iust “boys being boys” that’s a big red flag imo. I was just as horny as any other boy growing up but never directed that towards my sisters or Mom tf
Confront him about it, he will be so embarrassed he will stop doing it or hide it and clean up after himself much better.
Are there any men in your life that you trust? I grew up without a father and there were so many times I just wanted to ask another man a question. I could never ask my mother and older sister those questions, I was far too embarrassed.
At 10, I definitely wasn’t creeping around my mother’s door. A bit weird, but honestly I blame the internet. 🤷♂️
I guess just as weird, we would sit around and be amazed at a magazine that someone stole from their older brother.
It’s definitely a tough situation, and not one I’d like to be in, but as you’ve pointed out already, the best bet is to sit them down and let them know it’s not OK to do that.. I remember back in the day they had an ad about house hippos. Maybe show him that, though I’m not sure how much he would understand it, it could be both a funny and bonding experience.
I also had my realization young but what you’re describing is beyond curiosity there’s some pretty aggressive breaking of social norms that a 10 year old should understand.
Noting to do but have mom sit him down for a conversation. Maybe make yourself scarce to minimize embarrassment.
Yeah nah sorry that’s not normal ’10 year old boy just discovered sex’ behavior. I was a 10 year old boy that just discovered sex once, I had 3 sisters and mom, and it never not even once crossed my mind to try and peep on them. That kid needs to see a therapist, you are his family not a couple of e-thots.
There needs to be a conversation between all three of you, immediately. I can understand the raging hormones are definitely a factor here but this is a problem that could be potentially disastrous if not addressed right away. Try not scold him but be very firm and explain sex, masturbating, privacy and boundries. Tell him that family members don’t act like that with eachother and that it’s wrong. Be very thorough and specific. He is only 10 years old but if these behaviours go unchecked, they could evolve into much worse.
Little bro doesn’t have a male role model to talk to about this stuff. That is absolutely going to make this harder.
But since it’s you two raising him, nip it in the bud. Any hint that you know what he’s doing should get him to stop, if not, time for therapy.
Where’s your father in all of this? That’s not a boys being boys, thing.
I’d speak to your mother because that’s not normal. First of all, discovering that at the age of 10 as a boy, to me seems too early, and second of all, having you and your mother as the subject of desire as it seems seeing as he creeps around like that watching you guys are even more weird, that’s not normal at all, so address ut quickly with your mom and him sooner than later before his curiosity and discovery lingers over to something super creepy as he ages.
Speak to him with compassion and understanding without shaming him. That’s incredibly important! Guide him on how to express his feelings in a way that is good for himself and others. The first time I masturbated, I’d never even heard about it before and I was completely oblivious that it was a thing other people could do too. I was actually scared… until it became my favorite past-time, lol. Just let him know that it’s normal to be curious, but that curiosity has to be fostered in a way that doesn’t invade other people’s sense of wellbeing, and tell him you’re there for him to guide him and talk to him so he’s not alone with those feelings.
The random stains around the house and on pillows is wild. Address the situation, will it be embarrassing for you/your mom and him? Yes. But making your house/lives a disgusting mess and not saying anything is definitely not the way to go.
There’s an appropriate way for him to be in appropriate and an inappropriate way for him to be inappropriate. He’s currently solidly in the second category.
Have a sitdown with him, don’t shame him, don’t punish him, tell him you understand he’s going through changes, and that some of those changes are messy, so it’s his responsibility to clean up after himself.
I’m not sure how to address the creepy spying thing, that wasn’t something I did when I was a growing boy. You might try asking this same question in the askwomen subreddit, someone there might have advice from their own experience of having a little brother 10 years younger than them.
Best of luck to you, I hope you find some useful advice
He’s beating off to his sister and mother. That’s not normal. Better get him checked out asap before he ends up in prison later on.
Confront him about it, you gotta make him understand that it is actually something to be ashamed of ( dont out him down or anything but make him understand that he will be in the category of people that will scare people away and feel disgusted about ) my question to you is does he have a father or is the father figure is present in the house? I would’ve straightened that kid up in a heartbeat. If there is no father figure in his house, that behavior comes from that. Men teach them young boys how to treat women. Sex shouldn’t be a topic to freely talk lightly about . it’s personal, it’s private, and it’s confidential. If there is sexual leniency around the house, it is not helping the situation. As for you and your mother, dont be chilling in the house half naked be modest give him the exemple that you are women to be respected cover up if you aren’t. It’s not that he doesn’t understand it is wrong, but he is curious about it, he’s young so he can’t really find a real woman to see naked besides what he sees on a screen. Teach him how to be a man and what women like to see in a man so that could help him later on.
Dude is 10 and already choking the chicken? Isn’t that a bit young??
Regardless, he is simply curious. He doesn’t know right from wrong when it comes to sex or that feeling he gets. As weird as it is, it is also not uncommon for people to act like creeps or whatever during that phase of “this thing does more than pee????” He is comfortable around you and your mom, yet subconsciously knows that he cant just come out and say what’s going on without sounding like a freak. Just sit down with him and tell him what he’s feeling is normal, but he cant be peeking under your door and has to respect yours and his mom’s privacy
He needs to be talked to by a man about this, this needs to be understood that its not acceptable for men to behave that way as he may not feel understood coming from women. is there an uncle or an adult cousin that can talk to him about his body and how he is feeling?
Listen if you approach this wrong. You’re gunna fuck up your brother for life. Let your mom handle it. You don’t know that he is thinking about you two like that. For all you know he could have just been paranoid I about cheating on a test at school and was trying to hear you guys talking or something. Throw him a magazine. Don’t show him porn on the internet just get him a nice magazine. And let me
Know sex only happens between two non family members.
Are you not mentioning something? Because I listened and peeked under many doors when I was 10 years old, and there was not a single time it had anything to do with sex.