Bare with me because this is my first time posting on reddit. Me (20f) and my bf (20m) have been together for a little over two years. The only time he’s ever taken me on dates is to the place he works at because he gets a discount. the only other place we’ve ever went on a date to was to the movies on this last valentine’s day. The only other thing we ever do is just hang out at his house and occasionally go golfing. (i watch him while he plays) which i find so fun, but i’m getting bored. Idk if it’s just because i’m getting “older” and things are changing for me or what but i want him to take me out on more dates and have us actually do stuff. Every time i tell him i want to go do something he says there’s nothing to do in our town but when i tell him stuff we can do likes in other towns he says he doesn’t want to drive and i have really bad driving anxiety especially in places i’m not super familiar with. Money is also a slight problem right now but i’ve even brought up free stuff we could do like a walk but he’d rather stay home and watch a show or play games. How do i talk to him about this to where he’ll listen instead of brush it off and say stuff like “there’s nothing to do around here”?
How do I talk to my bf about this?
r/Advice
Comments
Break up
Stand yourself up, put one foot in front of the other, make your way over to him. Make fun of your anxiety and then talk to him.
Live and learn. You’re going to find that this is true for many relationships and will also be true with no one really at fault. Find someone who likes what you do and vice versa and you’ll be happy. If that person changes, and likely they will, or you change and you no longer meet in the middle, move on and do it again.
Compromise is important but how often and how much can very easily learn to overall relationship dissatisfaction. It happens and you live and you learn. Most important thing to learn is how to move on gracefully.
Instead of recommending things just do it. Like go for a hike/walk and turn it into a picnic. Tell him instead of asking him. If he still doesn’t want to do it, voice how you feel again. If he doesn’t budge, do you still want to be with him?
He’s doing things you don’t want to do. You have goals and an adventurous spirit, he doesn’t. You could hop to the next guy and maybe it would work out for you more, or you could take the reins and bring him places. 9 times out of 10 he doesn’t want to do other things because he’s never experienced them before. How do you look a word up in a dictionary if you don’t know what the word is (it’s an older saying) . He hasn’t experienced the pose things yet so he doesn’t see any benefit in them. If you like him enough and he had other redeeming qualities maybe you have to introduce this aspect of interaction into the relationship, hell, it might just grow on him. But yea, there’s also dudes that just do things and don’t play video games all day….
how about you have this exact conversation with him?
Sounds like someone who is comfy and doesn’t think you’re going anywhere
The fact that you’ve brought it up snd he doesn’t see an issue or makes excuses is a red flag
You might have to find someone that you’re more compatible with; someone that likes to go out, and be more active. Let them know that you need someone that is willing to do the things that you also want to do.
I dont understand people who just tell you to break up , like your bf is a lost cause or something.
These people seem to think that unless you find a partner that is perfect for you in absolutely every single possible thing you shouldnt even try.
Talk to him about it , not through hints or jokes , but directly , If hes a man he will be able to hear it and understand it.
There is a possibility that he just doesnt know , doesnt realize. I dont know him , maybe he doesnt have much experience in relationships so he doesnt realize , maybe his past ones worked perfectly doing just this , maybe he thinks that you are happy this way and that you like it better this way , you can never know , so you gotta talk , ask , and assert your opinion and needs.
If you want to try for this rls , you have to tell him , give him time to adjust , try what works what doesnt , and ideally guide him or just outright tell him when you have an idea to go somewhere , or tell him when you dont like his idea. If it doesnt get better , or if he doesnt even try , then I agree you should leave.
Its entirely up to you , I hope my advice is atleast of some help.
All the best!
Show him this thread you created in the subject of being boring or just the fact that he may lose you if you follow the advice of alot of people here who are giving advice. Don’t make life decisions based on advice here from people who may have never even had a relationship successfully for that matter. Good luck. Ps. Sitting down and agreeing on a no gamer day or electronic stuff . Just plain ol sitting in the room alone together talking .
You’re “getting older”? Yes you are and you should be doing fun stuff; going to concerts, especially featuring local music (my preference and way less expensive, but great stuff all the same), hiking, biking, crafting….whatever makes you happy! I’m astonished that you’ve been with this guy all this time and you’ve been to the movies together only once. I’m “older” at 60 (but I look good)! 😆 Unless he’s really talented in a certain area, 😉, if this isn’t what you want for ur life-move on darlin’. He is not about to get off his lazy, non-imaginative ass. Getting “older” at 20; funniest thing I’ve hear today! All the best to you 🫶
I virtually never go with the breakup option but here’s the deal, if you have this conversation with him and he doesn’t figure out how to evolve in a relationship with you, this is likely who he is and if you want something different, find someone different. Maybe try couples therapy first but making an effort for your partner isn’t a quality of a good relationship, it’s a prerequisite to one. Romance and quality experiences doesn’t take a special venue or money. I took my wife for a picnic on the roof of a building in college… we ate $.59,$.79,$.99 Taco Bell value menu (if you remember that, remember to get your routine colonoscopy) food because I had about $50 to my name. It’s about effort, respect and depth or connection… making someone feel valued, cherished and loved takes almost nothing besides a little bit of effort.
Someone who won’t make an effort to make you feel those things, he’s telling you how much he values you.
One proviso is that this stuff is a two way street. Women have as much responsibility to make their man feel valued as men do for them. It’s also the kind of thing that has an ebb and flow throughout a life together. When you realize things have gotten stagnant, you realize it and kick it in gear a bit. My wife doesn’t need a taco bell picnic and hours of getting to know each other. She doesn’t want to go see a movie or get out a whole lot because life gets complicated. That said, I can run her a bath, make her dinner, turn off her alarm clock so she sleeps in… it’s a different world than when we were younger but make no mistake, we are ALWAYS willing to make an effort to make each other feel special.
Learn to golf…it won’t be boring if you’re playing!
Maybe try having a more “imperative” conversation with him about it, rather than just casually bringing it up. It’s good to take a stand, be forthright; “I’m not happy with how this aspect of our relationship is, it’s going to need to change, if we want to continue being together”. “Putting in effort is important to me”, stuff like that. Sometimes you have to REALLY tell people what you need, or they won’t know. (Not saying you haven’t, just giving some advice here)
You’re bored because you only do what he wants to do. He’s cheap. He doesn’t take the time to take you to the things that you want to do. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to go out and have fun. Go to the movies and sneak in food, go on a hike and pack lunches, go to concerts in the park and bring a picnic, go to the town street fair and buy some snacks and drinks and people watch, none of that costs a lot of money.
You’re 20 years old you should be having all the fun. Can you reply to this post and tell me all the good things about him that make you stay? Because right now I can’t see one reason.
Tell him how u really feel and something u want to do instead of the same shit cuz its boring. Just be straight up and blunt about it and if he wont even think about it or brushes u off then maybe its time to dump him and find someone more outgoing. But if he love u then he will try anything or do new things together..