Sat next to an obese woman on a 9-hour flight — I quietly asked to move, and she cried and made everyone stare at me. I (27F) was flying cross-country for a friend’s wedding. It was a 9-hour flight and I’d specifically booked an aisle seat in economy because I get slightly claustrophobic at the window and needed room to work on my laptop during the flight. When I got to my seat, I noticed the woman in the middle seat was quite large — I’m not saying that to be cruel, just to give context. Her body spilled into my seat by several inches. The armrest between us couldn’t come down completely, and her hip and upper arm were pressed right against mine. At first, I tried to deal with it quietly. I sat down and figured maybe I was overthinking it. But the reality was, I couldn’t sit straight. I had to angle myself just to fit, and her body kept brushing mine no matter how still she was. After about 10 minutes of silently struggling, I decided to speak to a flight attendant. I approached them calmly and privately explained the situation. I never mentioned her weight. I just said I felt cramped and asked if there were any other aisle seats available. The flight attendant was kind and said they’d see what they could do. A few minutes later, they found me another seat — also aisle — a few rows back. I moved, thinking it was resolved… until about five minutes later. Suddenly, the woman from my old row appeared at my new seat. In front of the whole row, she loudly said, “You didn’t have to embarrass me like that!” She was clearly upset, and it wasn’t subtle — her voice was raised, and people started turning to look. Before I could even respond, she said something like, “People like you make flying as an overweight person miserable,” and then turned and stormed off — in tears. After that, I felt the tension around me shift. The guy across the aisle kept giving me nasty looks. One woman whispered something to the person next to her and shook her head. I kept my eyes on my tray table the rest of the flight. Later, my friend (the bride) found out about it through a mutual friend who was on the same plane. She told me I was being fatphobic and that I should’ve just “sucked it up” instead of “humiliating someone who probably already feels self-conscious enough.” I really didn’t mean to make a scene or hurt anyone’s feelings. I just didn’t want to be uncomfortable for nine straight hours in a seat I paid full price for. Like, I paid for a full seat not just half of it. So am I the AITA for asking to change seats on a flight but the woman next to me started crying and called me fatphobic in front of everyone.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
Sat next to an obese woman on a 9-hour flight — I quietly asked to move, and she cried and made everyone stare at me. I (27F) was flying cross-country for a friend’s wedding. It was a 9-hour flight and I’d specifically booked an aisle seat in economy because I get slightly claustrophobic at the window and needed room to work on my laptop during the flight. When I got to my seat, I noticed the woman in the middle seat was quite large — I’m not saying that to be cruel, just to give context. Her body spilled into my seat by several inches. The armrest between us couldn’t come down completely, and her hip and upper arm were pressed right against mine. At first, I tried to deal with it quietly. I sat down and figured maybe I was overthinking it. But the reality was, I couldn’t sit straight. I had to angle myself just to fit, and her body kept brushing mine no matter how still she was. After about 10 minutes of silently struggling, I decided to speak to a flight attendant. I approached them calmly and privately explained the situation. I never mentioned her weight. I just said I felt cramped and asked if there were any other aisle seats available. The flight attendant was kind and said they’d see what they could do. A few minutes later, they found me another seat — also aisle — a few rows back. I moved, thinking it was resolved… until about five minutes later. Suddenly, the woman from my old row appeared at my new seat. In front of the whole row, she loudly said, “You didn’t have to embarrass me like that!” She was clearly upset, and it wasn’t subtle — her voice was raised, and people started turning to look. Before I could even respond, she said something like, “People like you make flying as an overweight person miserable,” and then turned and stormed off — in tears. After that, I felt the tension around me shift. The guy across the aisle kept giving me nasty looks. One woman whispered something to the person next to her and shook her head. I kept my eyes on my tray table the rest of the flight. Later, my friend (the bride) found out about it through a mutual friend who was on the same plane. She told me I was being fatphobic and that I should’ve just “sucked it up” instead of “humiliating someone who probably already feels self-conscious enough.” I really didn’t mean to make a scene or hurt anyone’s feelings. I just didn’t want to be uncomfortable for nine straight hours in a seat I paid full price for. Like, I paid for a full seat not just half of it. So am I the AITA for asking to change seats on a flight but the woman next to me started crying and called me fatphobic in front of everyone.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked a flight attendant if I could switch seats because I was physically uncomfortable sitting next to a woman whose body spilled into my seat on a 9-hour flight. I didn’t mention her weight or make a scene — I just quietly asked to move.
The conflict happened when the woman realized I had moved and confronted me in front of everyone. She accused me of embarrassing her, and later my friend said I was being fatphobic and inconsiderate.
I might be the asshole because, even though I didn’t intend to hurt her feelings, my decision clearly made her feel humiliated, and maybe I could’ve handled it more sensitively or just tolerated the situation for a few hours.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Definitely NTA. You paid for your ticket and deserve 100% of the seat you paid for, not 80% plus 20% of someone else’s body. Besides, you handled it respectfully
NTA. She’s the one who embarrassed herself by going up to you and making a scene. People who are actually embarrassed don’t get loud
Oh you’re so much politer than I. NTA. I’d have simply let her know I wouldn’t have had to ask for a new seat if her ass wasn’t taking up half of mine.
nta, she should be glad that she didn’t have to pay for two seats and got two seats anyway. you did her a favor.
NTA: You handled it better than I ever would have. If she said that to me, I would remind her that she was spilling into my seat, meaning she needed two seats.
NTA
It sounds like you’re from the US, is there such thing as a 9 hour domestic flight? I guess it could be going to/from Hawaii or Alaska.
If you really did handle it as calmly and quietly as you’re describing, then NTA. If neither the woman in question nor the other passengers could hear you talking and if the flight attendant was also calm and quiet, then there was nothing for her to be embarrassed about. She’s the one who drew attention to herself by following you and talking about it out loud.
On the other hand, it’s really, excruciatingly common for people to convey their disgust about fat people without using any words at all, and I’d be surprised if she was that upset over absolutely nothing other than you changing seats. We can’t know from your story whether you actually did anything offensive so I’m not going to change my judgement. It’s just that there’s like a 50/50 chance that there’s more to the story.
NTA. You bought a whole seat on the plane. It isn’t right that somebody is pouring over on top of you in your seat and making you uncomfortable. And you did request to move in a very tasteful way. The only attention that came to the situation was when she brought it up and she was probably just attention seeking. You definitely are NTA.
This sounds fake. She would be able to sit in the aisle seat once you left. Giving herself and the other person more room. I’ve never seen someone have a melt down over someone leaving the row. It happens all the time. I fly constantly.
NTA, no one even would have noticed if SHE hadn’t made a scene
Nta I actually am a fataohobe or whatever it’s called. I can’t do in closed spaces with obese people. Certainly not on a plane. I would have had to move also. Airlines need to start treating people as luggage, charge by the weight and ensure we only occupy the space we have bought.
You didn’t draw attention to her weight; she did. You did nothing wrong. NTA
I’ll have, “Things that didn’t happen” for $1200, Alex.
She embarrassed herself by making a big deal out of it. If she doesn’t like people moving seats because of her weight, she damn well eat less and exercise more.
INFO
Did any of your critics volunteer to sit next to the passenger to make her feel better?
NTA
You were quiet about it, respectful, didn’t make a scene, but that woman did.
And since she was occupying more than her space, she should have paid for the space she took up, which was two seats, not one. It’s not reasonable to expect you to suffer for her body. And this is coming from a larger woman.
And your friend is okay with you suffering for this woman, for you being made uncomfortable, and doesn’t have any issue humiliating you and trying to punish you for the situation…. that’s interesting.
NTA, why would she book a middle seat when she obviously knows she is on the bigger side
I don’t believe this happened at all
NTA – she’s encroaching on your seat. It’s totally fair to want to move. and I say that as an obese person.
NTA the fat woman should have bought 2 seats. You did this in the kind way I would have been much ruder and passive aggressive. Forcing the arm rest down for starters
She should pay for two seats, like kind people do to not cram themselves into another’s personal space. NTA
NTA
She embarrassed and humiliated herself.
I am a large person. I am always worried about making the people next to me uncomfortable, even though the armrest is fully down. I wouldn’t think twice about this. You deserve to be comfortable too. Also, you never said it was about her weight. While it was, it could have been any number of reasons. It’s on her for assuming (doesn’t matter that the assumption was correct).
NTA. She could have quietly enjoyed having two seats (which she should have paid for), she was the one who decided to make a scene. She got space, you got to avoid spinal pain for 9 hours, everybody wins. No one was thinking about why you moved until she confronted you.
Something about this post doesn’t sit right with me (no pun intended)
I really am struggling to believe this happened the way you’ve described it. Because if I was too big to fit into my seat, and the arm rest was squeezing into me, I would be relieved if my seat neighbor quietly moved somewhere else. Now everyone is comfortable. Why would anyone be upset by that? The math ain’t mathing here.
This is made up. No way people were giving you nasty looks. In general, people spend their time writing nasty messages to overweight people, so no way they would act like you described.
This seems to be made up just to create a space for people to hate on overweight people, while making you look like “oh no, I was being nice and polite.”
NTA if the story happened as you said. Haha You deserve your full seat.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
NTA. I’m a very overweight woman, and I would have totally understood you wanting to move away from me. I would have been very embarrassed and ashamed at the attention of people watching / listening to the situation, but I wouldn’t have blamed you for my feelings.
NTA im a fairly large woman, I don’t need to buy two seats but if I was taking up two I would buy two. She could have at least moved into the window seat if it was free.
I think what you did would be the solution I’d prefer in her shoes, ESPECIALLY on a 9 hour flight!
NTA. I am overweight and I can empathize with this person but reality is her weight is impinging on other people’s comfort. I can also empathize with OP as I don’t like to be touched by people, not just strangers, unless you’re my immediate family I do not like to be touched. So OP’s seating issue would have made me extremely uncomfortable. OP found a way to quietly make it work. The airline did not inform the other passenger that she had to pay for an extra seat because she couldn’t fully fit in her seat. Everything was handled discreetly until the other passenger decided to make a public display of it.
NTA. This is not your fault at all that the seats do not accommodate larger people. You also tried to resolve the situation in a really quiet and respectful way. She then embarrassed herself by going up to you and questioning your morals.
Also it’s 9 hours! Try being uncomfortable for 9 hours and see if it feels like torture after a while.
Did you talk to the flight attendant in front of her? If so, that could be the issue. Better to have had a side conversation out of earshot. Either way, she definitely made it more public and embarrassing than you did.
NTA she’s the one who made a scene to embarrass you. I’d point out to your friend how no one noticed until the outburst.
NTA, I’m a larger person myself and if I were flying and knew I didn’t fit in a seat… I’d buy two. Failing that, if the person next to me moved I would completely understand. In fact I’d have been apologising profusely.
You didn’t make flying hard and you didn’t shame her. She did that herself. You didn’t draw attention to her, she did. You paid for a seat on the plane and you didn’t get the seat because she was taking up a portion of it that meant you couldn’t even sit straight.
You did nothing wrong.
I don’t believe one word of this.
What “cross-country” flight is 9 hours??? did you use the wrong word?
In my opinion, NTA. You asked the flight attendant privately and quietly. You didn’t make a scene or cause problems for her. I’m big myself, and if I make someone uncomfortable, all I can do is apologize and offer to trade seats for them to help make them more comfortable. But that’s just me.
AI is getting pretty good at writing stories, but not good enough. Someone should inform AI that the offended “overweight” person couldn’t have stormed off, unless she left the plane. Try harder, AI.
NTA
You didn’t make a scene. You went to the flight attendant and explained the situation. Nobody can expect you to suffer for 9 hours in your seat that you can’t even really occupy cause she is spilling over.
That woman knows her size. She should have bought 2 seats. So the only person she can blame for that situation is herself.
Anyone who blames you for what happened there isn’t right in the head.
NTA
Fatphobic would have been when you made comments at her but you tried to solve your problem as uninventful as possible. The lady embarrassed herself.
Not being able to sit right for 9 hours will do a number on your back. I learned this the hard way with my damanged knee. I need an aisle seat where I have the room to move my right leg.
You did the right thing and your friends holier than thou attitude is disgusting itself. They think they have the moral high ground because they weren’t crammed into their seats while being touched all the time by an unwanted person.
YTA for pretending this wasn’t about her weight while actively participating in a system that dehumanizes people for their size. Let’s be honest here: you didn’t just “quietly ask to move,” you abandoned your seat because you didn’t want a fat person’s body touching yours, and you did it in a way that made her feel like a problem that needed to be removed.
Don’t hide behind “I didn’t mention her weight.” You didn’t need to. Everyone knows what “cramped” meant in that context. The flight attendant knew. The woman knew. The people watching knew. You wanted to be polite, but your actions still screamed, “This woman’s body makes me uncomfortable.” And yeah, she cried. You humiliated her. You made her the spectacle she probably dreads becoming every time she flies.
You claim you didn’t want to hurt anyone, but you did, and now you want sympathy because people stared at you afterward? Boo-hoo. She has to live in a world that treats her body as offensive and “too much” every single day. You were uncomfortable for 10 minutes — she was dehumanized in public, again, because someone decided she didn’t fit. That someone was you. So yeah, YTA.
She humiliated her damn self. No one would have known that you asked to move or why if she didn’t show up at your new seat to scream that you were embarrassing her. Jesus.
NAH
You have clearly paid for the seat so when fellow passenger is clear source of discomfort, it’s logical to request for seat change.
Furthermore if your arm or elbow touches this oversized person who knows what she’s going to say since she cried over a fact.
This is an AI story. 🥱
NTA. If she feels embarrassed she can do something about it. She already tried crying and it didn’t work. Time to try something else to fix the problem.
NTA
You discreetly approached staff and requested a seat change. Nothing wrong with it.
What cross country flight is nine hours?
NTA. She drew attention to her size, you did not. You were discreet and polite. You’ve paid for your seat and it’s not fair for a portion of it to be encroached upon by the person next to you, so much so that it affects how you sit. If it was a short flight you could maybe consider sucking it up, but a 9 hour flight ..no way. I’m sorry she caused drama and the other passengers behaved so ignorantly.
Random question: which country are you in that takes 9 hours to fly across?
NTA
NTA. As upset as that woman was, she’s lucky if the airline didn’t, or won’t in the future, charge her for an additional seat. Some airlines do that now though I don’t know the threshold they use to determine if it’s a one or two seat price for overweight people. I’m very overweight for as short as I am, my only blessing being I have small hips, always did. I also have long legs and a short torso. That means I’ have to try to keep my elbow out of my seatmate’s ribs and try to keep theirs out of mine. I have fibromyalgia which is what started the weight gain I have. Flying 9 hours is miserable for me so I understand how uncomfortable you must have been. You weren’t being “fatphobic,” you were trying to be comfortable on a long flight. I hate when people add the word “phobix” to the end of a word. You weren’t “afraid” of that lady so saying you were “fatphobic” is preposterous.
She humiliated herself!
Why would anyone choose to sit uncomfortable for many hours when there is another option available.
NTA. There was nothing wrong with the way you quietly handled the situation. She was the one who made a scene and should be embarrassed by her own behavior. Her feeling some type of way about it due to her self-consciousness is understandable, but to go out of her way to make a public spectacle about it is not. She took it personally when it wasn’t personal. She also benefitted from you being moved, because it gave her more space to be comfortable as well. There was nothing unreasonable about wanting to move seats to get what you paid for, so pay no more mind to judgmental folks who think otherwise.
NTA she embarrassed herself trying to make a spectacle out of you. People who are that large KNOW they are that large; she should have bought two seats.
NTA.
The fact that your own friend, the bride called you fat phobic and said that you should have sucked it up suggests that you have a problem in asserting yourself.
You are under no obligation to allow others to walk all over you and you don’t have to suck things up. But for that to happen you have to be in better control of the situation so that you are not on the defensive.
You did nothing wrong. She wants attention and wanted to pick a fight with someone. By you moving (discreetly!) you created a more comfortable flying experience for both of you.
NTA – I’m fat. I always made sure that I left the space for the others. I’m bit paranoid about it – I was 349 lbs now I’m 223 and I’m still paranoid – but I would not do things that this woman did – but I can assure you that I already sat next to thin individual who smell so bad. I had to bury my face because she stinks af.
NTA
Airlines should refuse to sell seats to people who don’t fit in them.
Problem solved.
100% NTA. A stranger’s comfort should not come at the expense of your own, especially not in a situation like this where you paid for a service you’d otherwise be unable to receive. If anyone was humiliated in this situation, it was you.
NTA
you did nothing wrong and handled the ditch as well as possible. Having a stranger’s body invade your seat is extremely uncomfortable for any length time.
You feeling uncomfortable and asking to move is not fat shaming.
You did not embarrass her, she embarrassed herself with her own behavior.
nta she embarrassed herself by making it about herself if you are claustrophobic you had every right to quietly ask to be moved saying this as a plus sized person
NTA but also this seems AI generated or fake
Your claustrophobia can lead to disabling symptoms. You weren’t being “fatphobic” you were trying to ease your anxiety of being in a tight space. This isn’t a situation either of you would have deliberately put yourselves in.
She had no right to come at you with accusations of cruelty and make a scene. It was also not her business to know what your issue was.
You are NTA.
This reads like someone who is fatphobic trying to write an AITA post to prove she’s not. 🤣😂 Agree must be AI
Nta obese people should always book 2 seats
I am a fat person and NTA. This is unfortunately one of the consequences of being fat. This is just the reality you live with when you get to that weight. It’s often a hard one. If she doesn’t want this to happen, she needs to either purchase two seats or make the choice I am and start taking steps towards NOT being fat anymore. But she doesn’t get to force everyone else to be miserable so she can pretend there isn’t a problem (and I guarantee that’s why you upset her. By asking to move you reminded her that yes, she actually is “that fat”. And that knowledge hurts her.)
Shocking number of em dashes in that post. Not to mention correctly oriented quotation marks…
As a fat lady, I would 100% understand and be fucking DELIGHTED that I now have the two seats for FREE!! That lady was an idiot, NTA.
If this went down exactly as you describe, then NTA. I’m having difficulty believing that the woman left her seat to come and yell at you thus drawing attention to her size if you had not been equally public when complaining the flight attendant and asking to move. after all, it benefited her as well when you moved as she could now have the aisle seat instead of the middle seat and have more room.
Don’t worry chatgpt, you’re NTA! But seriously there is a new story on here about plane seats almost every day. All fake. Can’t you at least prompt chatgpt to write a new story?
I had a meeting on the opposite coast. I was in the center seat. Both side seats were 2 people who should have bought an extra seat, and I’m a big guy.
I politely sat down, assesses the situation, noped out and said to the attendant “no can do” and got the next available flight.
NTA. This happened to me at a broadway show a few years ago and it was awful. 3 miserable hours half hanging into the aisle because half my seat was taken up by someone else. I feel for those individuals, but they should be offered / purchasing two seats if that’s how much is needed