Original post
https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/4Covkoe3M4
I didn’t expect this to blow up as much as it did. I got a lot of comments which seemed to be evenly split between minding my own business, telling him directly, and tipping him off anonymously. This clearly isn’t a black or white decision. The advice that resonated with me the most was to prioritize my relationship with my wife, so I haven’t told him yet but I did press my wife for more information and tried to persuade her to tell him. Here is the additional information I got.
She is getting careless. She was snapchatting another guy while her husband was in the same room. He caught a glimpse of a message calling someone babe. He immediately got upset and asked “who the hell are you calling babe?” She came up with a bullshit story. She told him she has been talking to guys from other countries, so no chance of meeting up with anyone, because she has felt bad that she hasn’t been having sex with him as often as he would like, and sexting other guys makes her horny and then she is more in the mood to have sex with him, so he is actually reaping the benefits from this so he shouldn’t be upset. Like I said, complete BS, but as far as I’m aware he’s decided to believe her. The truth is actually the opposite. The reason she has been cheating on him throughout their entire relationship is because she is the one who has a much higher libido and views it as “just sex” and “not a big deal”. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t view it the same way.
At this point it’s just a matter of how and when he finds out, but their entire relationship is essentially a sham so the sooner he finds out and can move on, the better. But I also learned that he had made a comment in the past saying he would kill himself if anything were to happen between them. I believe this is why my wife hasn’t told him anything, because she thinks there is a chance of that happening. Hopefully this doesn’t violate rule #10, but it certainly complicates matters.
Comments
This isn’t just messy, it’s dangerous. You’re sitting on a ticking time bomb of betrayal and mental instability so if your wife won’t act, you need to either involve someone who can guide him gently or be prepared to live with the fallout of silence.
Eurgh. Be a man and tell him, and if your wife is such a shitty person that she holds it against you, good riddance. I feel sick listening to you. Coward.
He’ll need a hefty support system when the bomb drops. Will you and your wife support him together? or will she defer to her friend? Because even if he finds out anonymously, your wife may be put in a position where she has to make a choice.
wonder how is he that naive to buy her story – It’s so stupid.
thanks for updating, I’ve been wondering
Your wife is a terrible friend.
Yeah nah fuck that tell him and if your wife gets mad it tells you that she’s not to be trusted
Tell his family, then they can tell him and monitor him if he tries to hurt himself
So you’re saying he might be depressed enough to off himself if he were to find out about her infidelity – BUT further down the track when he unearths not just her cheating but also that his own friends buried the truth from him he will be a-okay???
Tell him the truth ! And be there for him because he will need the support.
Give it up Jenna only You have issues with C and K breaking up. Quit sticking your nose in other peoples private affairs. Nobody but you talks about it. And your far from moral spending a night with your ex after marrying my lil brother.
You should get advice from someone not invested or from Reddit. This is a serious situation.
Just tell him man.