When I was a bit younger I had an ongoing fuck buddy situation with this woman who I met on here. We met up a few occasions and she randomly disappeared and told me that she was in some type of “program” or something and that she wouldn’t be able to meet up for a while.
The last couple of times we saw each other, she would take the condom off me and would ask me to finish in her or she would lock me in with her legs, plus she assured me she was on BC. Other than sex we didn’t talk and she always would hide things from me.
Fast forward a couple months, I started dating my now girlfriend of 1 year. I love her dearly and she and I live together now. A couple days ago she sent me a bunch if messages explaining that she had a baby that was mine and that she’s a couple months old now.
I didn’t buy it at first, but she sent me pictures of the baby and she looks a lot like me. We met up to talk and i saw the baby up close and I did have a gut feeling that this is my child too. She’s gorgeous and me being the way I am, I can’t be an absent father.
I went through that myself and none of my kids will go through that. So she said she’s so confident that she wants me to do a dna test so I could see the truth. My girlfriend has no clue about this and I don’t want this to cause us any problems. How do I explain my situation to her? And that this was before I even knew her??
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I wouldn’t know how to break this news to someone but I do hope you are going for a DNA test from a neutral third party.
You just gotta be honest, don’t wait too long either. I know you want to do a DNA test but if you really think the baby is yours I know I’d want to know what’s going on. Sit her down, show her the messages and tell her. Hopefully everything works out OP, good luck!
I think she slept with you just to have a baby. Maybe she was struggling to get pregnant. She baby trapped you and that is awful. Regardless tell your girlfriend about her, reassure her and see if she will stay, because it was your past.
How old were you when it started?
How did you meet?
Tbh maybe I’m paranoid, but I’d question whether you’re actually the father or whether she’s trying to manipulate you into coming back.
Because I’m a woman, and I’m 7 years younger than her, and I’d never fuck a 20 or 21 year old. Y’all look so baby to me, it’s just not sexy. And the maturity gap is insane between early twenties and mid thirties. I think you should get a DNA test and whatever you do, don’t hook up with this lady again because she doesn’t have good intentions. Idk if you got groomed, but I’m suspicious she’s trying to regain some kind of control over you.
DNA test before you say anything to your gf. Talk to the mother on what she expects from you and after both these things talk to your gf (obviously if it’s yours).
Come with information and what you plan to do. Don’t break the news and say “I don’t know what the plan is” she will lose respect for you.
Oh my young friend, this woman likely had your baby on purpose, didn’t tell you so you couldn’t talk about abortion, and now here we are.
Just be honest with your current gf. Explain it as you did here, maybe without some of the sexual details, unless she asks. There is no way to make this not uncomfortable, or for her not to be upset, if she is.
You are talking about a huge life change for you both. You want to be in this child’s life, and your gf will need to decide if she wants to go along for that ride.
But please, get a DNA test. Even if you think she looks like you and you feel a connection, get the DNA test. And talk to a lawyer about it all.
Idk about your girlfriend, but here’s how I would want it presented to me;
Babe, I got some news today that I’m not sure how to feel about yet, but because I’m serious about a life with you, it’s important you know too.
I was contacted by one of my previous situationships, informing me that I am likely a father.
I would like to proceed with DNA testing, but truthfully, I was not careful, and it’s more than possible I have an X month old daughter.
I understand if you are not ready or comfortable to have an infant around—I’m not at all prepared either, and I am (scared, nervous, anxious etc) myself, but I cannot be the absent father I had growing up. If anything, what can I do to show you how much I want you in my life? I don’t know what to do, but I do know that I want you, and I want to know my daughter. I need to know where you stand on this change in my life, because I don’t want to waste your time.
Look if the baby is yours then it will cause issues with your gf. Not because you had a past where you could have used protection but I’m guessing you were young, horny and being used by someone who probably baby trapped you. When you were 19 and she was 33. I think that was her plan all along but maybe you’re lucky and she slept with a lot of guys so maybe it’s not your kid after all.
You will have issues with your partner because if you have a kid this past with the other woman will be your future for at least 2 decades.
It has a huge impact. Emotionally, financially, availability time wise, planning and always staying in contact with the child mother. And more.
That’s a lot for a partner and and she might decide that’s just too much, especially if you’re so young. You’re doing the right thing taking care of the baby if it’s yours but you might pay the price that not many partners will put up with the responsibility of that because they will be involved with the reality of having a kid around and what it entails. They might just want to start a relationship begin free and just explore the world and have no kids for a while and then settling down you know. That’s compromised when one partner already has a kid. And some are hurt because they wanted to be the one you have kids with. All sorts of things that people think about what I’ve read here and heard in real life over the course of my life.
All you can do is be honest with her but I’d wait until the DNA test is done. Or trying to prepare her for the chance that your past might be catching up with you so as to not drop the bomb that all of a sudden there is a kid.
If it’s yours, congrats and may you be a good father. If not then try to be responsible and use protection or really make sure your partner is. If you don’t want to go through this a second time.
Good luck
Are we all going to just skip the part where she purposely “locked her legs” so he couldn’t move.Surely that’s not legal and part of stealthing.
14 yr gap she baby trapped you ok and she’s a disgusting woman for that and her behaviour.
Simple
DNA test and be honest
You haven’t done anything wrong. This was before your current relationship and as a man you need to handle this with care. Don’t be an absent father. I had one and it sucks
Och, I’m sure kid is yours, and all she wanted from you was kid. Probably feel guilty now and thats why she told you about kid. Or have worse material situation than she hoped. You have to decide if you want to tell your gf before dna test or after, i would like to know earlier and help you go through it
So you were 21, maybe 20, and a woman 14 years older than you was removing the condom and trapping you in place as you finished? Not to be that guy but “if roles were reversed” and all that.
Get that DNA test. I’m not sure exactly how it works where you are but make sure they send both of you a copy of the results so you aren’t taking her word for it.
Edit: My math don’t math, just seen a comment saying you were 19. My comment still stands.
“Babe, before i meet you, i had a thing with another woman. She’s approached me recently and told me she has had my baby. I’ve asked her for a DNA test. I know this isn’t what you signed up for when we meet, and it’s a very difficult situation for you, and i understand if you need some time to process this. I just want you to know i have no desire to be with this woman, and i love x amount. I just want you to know now, in case this is my child. I hope you dont leave me over this, but if you do, i understand.”
My two cents worth is
Shell will probably be appalled by the age gap and will focus on that a lot.
You shouldn’t have met this woman before speaking to your GF. This will probably be seen as a betrayal. 1 year into a relationship and leaving together. You should already by now be a team and should have trusted her with this information to begin with.
Man, the “I don’t want this to cause any problems” ship has sailed.
But you didn’t cheat on her, and you haven’t lied to her – yet.
Come clean, and do it now. Tell her that you will be getting tested, and if paternity is confirmed, you plan to be an active father.
She then gets to make her own choices, with as many of the facts available to her as possible.
This is a life changing event for you, so you should tell your GF immediately and fully. Dishonesty (by omission) is worse for a relationship than facing an unexpected challenge together. It’s not like you cheated on your GF with your babymomma. By excluding your GF from this, you would not be treating her as your partner. It signals that you’re still seeing yourself as a single person. That’s not a good thing to do if you see a future with her. Your GF has the right to know and she has the right to make her own decision on how she wants to deal with this.
What complicates the situation going forward is that your babymomma obviously tricked you into fatherhood with lies and manipulation. While you seem to embrace being a father, you also can’t deny what kind of person the babymomma is. You will need to deal with that woman for decades and you need to figure out how to protect yourself from whatever shenanigans she will come up with next.
Well, this is a difficult situation. Tell your girlfriend, she should know it. Get the baby tested before you do anything. Independent test, that you pay for and that you contact.
Second I would consult a lawyer to see what your rights are. If the baby is yours you should get paternal rights over her.
Also discuss if she is fit for parenting. Based on your story she goes away in ‘program’, might mean she either has history of substance abuse or mental issues. I would 100% try to get custody of the baby, with visitation ofcourse. This child deserves a stable home, which you can provide too.