Me and my boyfriend are having some relationship issues lately. Nothing too serious, we are working on it. Its the classic ol we dont communicate properly sort of vibe.
Personally, (seperate to the relationship) I realised I have sort of just let myself go. I have always been overweight, but I have crept up to the obese category. I dont dress myself how I want to and I dont look after myself how I want to either. A good part of this was because of lack of money, a spot if depression, and working in a machine shop 55+ hours a week. I have now left that job thank goodness.
My self improvement project has gone pretty well to be honest. I have lost almost 8kg. Learnt how to do my hair/ skincare again. I haven’t brought new clothes as I am losing weight, but I am making do with some thrifting, but mostly just making do with what I have. I think I have done a lot in a short amount of time and I am really proud of myself.
Well, yesterday my boyfriend and I had a discussion. He admitted he is not attracted to me anymore. This is paraphrased, but he asked me to lose weight, and be less masculine in appearance.
Which fair enough. I get it. Its true and a hard thing to say. However, he is FULLY aware thats what I am trying to do. He could not be more aware in my opinion. This bit is silly on my end, bit I absolutely hate when people tell me to do something as I am doing it. It feels like at the end, after all my struggle, that they get to claim part of the success as their own as they were the ones that said to do it. (Personal gripe, but whatever).
Yet again I told him my weight loss goals. He said he had never seen me at that weight before so he was curious on what I would look like. I have been close to it one time in my life when I was 19. I was still borderline overweight though.
He absolutely lost it when he saw that photo of me. He kept going on and on about how beautiful that photo was. Was he sure it was me? Was it edited? He asked me to send it to him.
It went well beyond what could have been an attempt at motivation. He was completely what the fuck ing over it. He even tried to angle it right to compare it to me as he was in so much disbelief. Maybe its denial but I dont think I look that different. Its just me at 12kg less.
I didn’t like all that, but I was somewhat okay with it. He then told me that if he knew I looked like that he would have put more effort in over the past few months.
As if he could only love me if I was beautiful? It felt so wrong. But idk.
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I did not finish that title. Whoops.
OP outside of people eventually commenting how much of a dick your Bf was being. What kind of advice are you looking for here?
My husband always told me he will love me and find me cute whatever weight I could have, whatever my age or wrinkles, whatever horrible disease I could get, with or without limbs lol. And I feel the same about him. This is the kind of love that I want. Not someone who will put effort in the relationship depending on my appearance.
Dude what the fuck hahahaha. I gained 15kg due to medication in 12 months and most of my clothes still fit me (not jeans but still) – like the difference is noticeable but it’s not “what the fuck!!! Is that the same person???!?” weight.
I think your boyfriend is being intentionally mean to you. I can’t speculate on his motives but this is really strange behaviour.
What a nastily shallow way to look at his partner’s body and life. This is not about him. If he has anything to contribute to your weight loss it should be him making it a more fun and sUSTAINABLE process- not because he wants a “hotter” girlfriend- but because he cares about helping you achieve your goals for the sake of your happiness.
Do not let him see you as some project. You are not a project. You already are that beautiful woman, you always will be. Weight is not a part of that equation. You are taking amazing steps to build a positive bond with your body and the treatment you extend to it- that is such a empowering way to approach weight loss. Imo it’s gross that all he sees is how the surface level result of of that arduous, emotional, and lengthy process could serve him sexually. He should be attracted to you for the strides you are making. If he cared to pay attention, he’d get to have fun with you as you built that confidence!
As a fellow big girl who has done a lot of fluctuating, I’m really proud of you and I hope that you come to a place where you feel healthy, strong, and fkn fantastic. That is all you should give a shit about, and unfortunately, that sounds like the least of his concerns…
He sounds like a shallow AH. He’d have put in more effort of the past months if he knew you could look like that?? Good, grief, some days I really can’t eye-roll hard enough. Lose the weight because you want to, and not because of him because, I bet once you hit your goal, there’ll be something else he thinks you can improve.
I’m an old lady now, but I have to tell you that a lot of men, most men, are afraid that you’re gonna get fat. If they had a weird reaction after meeting your mom who is fat… That means that they are absolutely terrified that you’re gonna end up looking like a whale. It’s such a shallow and ridiculous thing. They want to be feeling proud to be seen with you, but they also want to know that you love THEM enough to take care of yourself. You should Google the percentage of men that leave their partners when they come down with the terminal illness. The odds aren’t really terrific. However, if the weight that your body is comfortable with is something that they would consider to be fluffy, unattractive or gross, than it’s probably time to put that into the light and talk about it. Literally… No woman that’s alive in the world wants to be fat. But at some point, if that’s a dealbreaker for your partner, then it needs to be on the table before you walk further down the road. This is not a fun thing to think about. But it’s realistic. Pierce Brosnan married one of the most beautiful women that’s ever been alive and she’s pretty large now… And has been for a long time and he doesn’t seem to have a problem with it. And he’s Pierce Brosnan…I mean, my God, the guy has been ridiculously handsome for decades. If someone doesn’t love the soul and the spirit that’s inside of you, then that’s the thing that you need to understand. It could be YOU walking away from the table as opposed to him. Just make sure that you don’t toss someone into the toilet because Reddit told you to… Have a conversation about it and see where it goes. If you want to maintain a healthy level of weight and overall wellness than a GOOD partner can help you keep it in check… Or if they don’t really love you for you, It can send you into a very weird, yucky place. When you commit to someone for a long-term, they need to be loyal to who it is that you are on the inside.
At 19 you were still a child (not really, but your body, face, and brain would still be growing and changing). You’ve become an adult now, it’s been 6 years. You literally can’t look like the photo now, even if you tried. You deserve much, much better.
I would overthink the relationship..
I’m a man, I weigh less than my woman, I don’t care.
I’ve said it to her before many times, it doesn’t change the person who she is, the only bad aspect is the health. So technically yeah good idea to lose weight, but only if she can pull through with it by herself, my feelings or picture of her never changed, no matter if she gained or lost weight, at the end of the day it’s the same person.