Hello, so my boyfriend and I have beed dating for more than a year and lately i have noticed that his parents do not respect his wishes and have no boundaries.
For some information my boyfriend is still a student and has two more exams left until graduating (which is also a problem for them because he took an extra year to finish all his exams), so he still lives with them and they provide for him ( his dad retired this year and his mother is working part time, but they have no money problems).He is also very helpful to them and does everything that they ask him to do, even if he it is not the right time for him (before last exam he had to go cut up some wood planks that his father wanted because they are renovating a house at the sea… they were there for 6 hours a day for a few days straight…. He was not very excited because he wanted to study during that time and was very tired when he came home… but when he tried to explain this to them they just said this is life and that he needs to get used to it.)
My problem with them is that they are nagging him almost everyday that he should help them more with stuff that they wanna do around the house (which he already does) and they are angry with him because he is not finished with exams because they think it is because he is playing games all the time (which is also not true because i spend more time with him that they do… he lives upstairs and they live downstairs but they still share the kitchen until he starts working and will be able to afford his own). He tried talking to them that he is a grown adult and is capable of handling his own things and responsibilities and that they are making him feel even more stresses and burden with their nagging and complaining.
I understand that they are worried about his future and that they care about him but i am not content with how they perceive and act to him pike he is the most problematic child of all time. At the same time he also has a younger sister (24F) which they don’t bother at all and can do whatever she can. Three months ago we decided that he will spend the last week of July at my house because my parents will be out of town and we wanted to invite some people over and have like a “vacation” because we had not been on one for over a year. But his father suddenly decided that this exact week they needed to go and take care of some stuff for their house at the sea(mind you he told them both a month or more before that he will not be available that week) and he said that it is not so important that he comes for a week at my house because we see each other all the time. I got very pissed because we made plans already and were looking forward to spend some time with our friend. I was also angry because he rarely gots time to come to my house because his morher or father are always going on trips and he has to take care of the house and animals.
So i just need some advice on how to help him set some more stable boundaries and how he can explain to them that he is a grown adult with his own life. Thank you for taking time and reading all of that because this situation has beed upseting me very much lately.
TL;DR: My boyfriends parent treat him like a child and he cannot set boundaries with them, they also do not respect his wishes and understand that he cannot be always available to them because he has his own life.