My boyfriend and I have been together for around 7 years. We live together and he works from home. We’ve always had a pretty healthy sex life until I was diagnosed with depression and started taking medication. I also was diagnosed with PCOS. I say this because it means I’ve gained some weight in these later years.
One day during the work day I received a text from my boyfriend saying to please call him when I was headed home. I found this strange because I typically always call him, so I didn’t understand why he was requesting it. I felt stressed the rest of the day and called him the second I left work. He is in tears telling me he is sorry and goes on to explain the events that happened earlier that day.
He confessed that recently he has been video chatting with women through porn websites (and even random video chat websites) and partaking in sexual activities. He said this has happened a handful of times. I am speechless at this point and confused. He even says “I think I would have continued and not told you but today something happened”. He explains how he was being blackmailed by one of the women he video chatted with who recorded the whole interaction and is demanding money from him.
The blackmail aside, I don’t know what to do. He has acknowledged that he cheated and has apologized and offered to show me his phone, delete all social media, he’s moved his work from home set up to the living room, etc but I just feel like the rug has been swept from under me. When I pushed him about why he did it he had brought up my weight gain but has later since apologized for even bringing it up.
Can this relationship comeback from something like this? How do I even trust or forgive him?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Leave him honestly. This isn’t something you give him another chance about in my opinion. He essentially cheated on you for gaining weight due to depression meds. If that doesn’t show how shitty of a person that makes him, the part that he claims he wouldn’t have told you and kept going if he wasn’t blackmailed should. I’m sorry you went through this. I don’t think he deserves a second chance and not only that, how would you be able to move on from this. It will always be in the back of your mind.
Fuck, what a mess.
I take it the meds tanked your libido, and that’s the issue rather tham the weight? SSRI’s are notorious cockblocks.
That said: do you want to forgive him? You’ve posted here, but why? Do you want to save the relationship?
He’s sorry he got caught, not sorry he cheated. Don’t let him blame your weight. Rebuilding trust is possible but requires his effort. Prioritize your healing.
Tell him you won’t leave until he prosecute the person blackmailing him and then leave anyway
This is a salvageable scenario but it needs him to take accountability.
That said, you can also be so mad you just walk too. Blaming your weight might be the last straw for me there.
General honest question. Yes, he absolutely messed up! His situation is dumb but let’s be honest would him telling you he is leaving you be better because he had an affair? I mean wtf are men supposed to do when their SO gets depressed, fat and doesn’t want to bang anymore? Just deal?