It’s a long story, but here’s the short version. My partner and I (both in our mid-twenties, M&F) got married last year, been together for 3 years in total. We are a very close and cheerful couple, and we usually get along well with both sides of the family.
Recently, we went on a family vacation with his side. It included us, his parents, his brother, and his sister with her partner(F) (they are in their mid-thirties to mid-forties). Overall, it was fine. There were some small hiccups, which is expected on any family trip, but nothing major. Everyone was getting along.
Then on the last day of the trip, my sister-in-law confronted my husband and accused us of being disrespectful because we were having too much fun with the family. She also said other things that clearly showed she was jealous of how well we get along with his parents and how strong our relationship is. It was bizarre. My partner got really upset and this whole thing left a bad taste in our mouths about the whole vacation.
Since then, she’s called my partner 4 times. These calls lasted hours and were filled with her saying that we are not respectful enough, that my partner is dramatic, and so on. It’s important to note that she’s never been close with my partner, and doesn’t really make any effort to be a sibling to him. For example, when he visited her city and wanted to stay over, she rejected him in a very rude way. So this new pattern of long emotional phone calls is totally out of the blue and emotionally draining.
We try to keep a respectful distance. We only see them a couple of times a year and we prefer to keep the peace. But now she’s reaching out again, wanting to “talk” about the same topic. My partner told her clearly that he does not want to continue these conversations and asked her to respect that. His therapist also suggested that he take some distance for his own well-being.
Still, she keeps pushing. She accuses him of not putting in effort to fix the situation, but it’s hard to believe her goal is resolution. It feels more like she wants to be right, not to make peace. And the worst part is, if my partner expresses any feelings at all, he’s immediately labeled as dramatic.
We’re honestly at a loss. It’s so toxic. There is so much unspoken jealousy and resentment coming from her side, and it doesn’t feel like there’s a real desire to fix anything. But we don’t want to ruin the broader family dynamic either. Any advice or perspectives would be appreciated.
TL;DR:
Sister-in-law keeps pushing drama, accusing us of disrespect. My partner feels like the black sheep and asked for space, but she won’t stop. It’s exhausting and toxic, we’re not sure how to handle it anymore.
Comments
Is there a reason why you guys haven’t blocked her yet?
>Since then, she’s called my partner 4 times. These calls lasted hours
Why didn’t he hang up?
Sister is clearly not right, but he doesn’t just have to sit there and take it.
If the family dynamic depends on him eating shit, then honestly, it needs to be destroyed.
There is a very easy way to deal with this. Block her and do not engage. Don’t be on the phone with her for hours, don’t get into her drama. Cut her out. She will then go and complain to someone else who will do the same (cut her off) and she’ll move on to a third person etc.
Everyone will realize that SHE is the problem very quickly.
What do their parents say about her accusations?
Your partner is enabling this behavior by picking up the phone when she calls.
Stop picking up the phone. Stop answering texts.