My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) are struggling, and I don’t know what to do

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months now, but we’ve known each other for a year. It started as a casual fling and progressed into a relationship – not easy. We haven’t said “I love you” yet, and we’re not the typical lovey-dovey couple. We talk a lot, but the affectionate side of our relationship only recently started developing.

About a month ago, we began having intense fights. We also had to do long distance for a while since he went back home to visit his family. Most of our arguments stem from the fact that he’s very avoidant, and I’m very anxious. I try to meet his needs as an avoidant person, but I often feel like mine go unnoticed or unacknowledged. When we fight, it’s usually because neither of us is recognizing our own faults, and I tend to spiral into negativity.

A week ago, I took a step back and realized I had been toxic in some ways. Since then, I’ve been trying to approach things with a calmer mindset. But now, with the distance, there’s a lot of built-up tension—especially sexual tension. Yesterday was a special event for me, and he ignored me the entire day. He was posting on Instagram but wasn’t responding to my texts. When I called him out, he just replied with “uh-oh,” which made me furious. I tried to talk to him calmly, but he kept brushing me off. When I finally got him on the phone, he said he was annoyed because of a cultural tradition my friends did involving me, which apparently bothered him.

We talked it out, and things seemed okay, but later, I asked for a little reassurance (which he gave). Then, nine minutes later, he told me, “You ruined my sleep.” I was exhausted myself—I hadn’t slept in 24 hours—but I didn’t throw that in his face. I just tried to be understanding.

This led to sexting, which I’m not very comfortable with. I want to do it for him, and I’m open to it, but I’m still shy about it. The last time we did, I made it clear that I need a little emotional reassurance afterward—a simple call, some comforting words. But this time, after everything, he just casually asked, “Are you okay?” I said yes, and he immediately went, “Okay, I’m gonna watch my movie and sleep.”

I reminded him about the call, and when he finally did call, he was distant and detached. I told him I wasn’t able to sleep, and he dismissed it, saying, “You’re usually not able to sleep, so maybe try something on your own.” That really hurt. I reminded him that I had explicitly told him before that I needed this kind of care afterward. His response? “You could’ve just said that directly.”

At that point, I was so frustrated. I don’t want to keep repeating myself for something that should already be understood. He got defensive, saying, “This is just the second time, how is that ‘keep repeating’?” And then he said he wasn’t in the mood to argue and that I was “projecting” my issues onto him.

I felt so invalidated. I told him this wasn’t okay, that I felt like he was pushing me away, and he just stayed silent. Eventually, I muted myself because I started crying, and he noticed. That’s when he finally said, “Listen, I understand I shouldn’t be doing this, but it’s 6 AM, and I really want to sleep.”

That was the last straw. I asked, “What about me? What about me needing you?” He just said, “Look at the time, you can’t be asking this stuff right now.” Yet when he needs something, I’m expected to be there for him, no matter what. I called him out on the hypocrisy, and he said, “I never asked you to.” Then, when he realized I was crying, he said, “Yo, stop crying, it’s okay.” I told him I didn’t like him in that moment, and he just replied, “I know.” And then I ended the call.

That was 24 hours ago. This morning, he texted me saying that if I don’t hear from him, it’s because he’s out. I didn’t reply. He sent me snaps from his trip, but I ignored them. On top of everything, he also broke a promise he made to me today.

I feel heartbroken. A part of me is telling me to stop trying to fix something that doesn’t need fixing. It also feels like he’s just looking for a way to break up with me first, before I do. But I don’t know. He’s coming back in three days, and we’re supposed to meet, but I don’t even know how to feel. I don’t want to ruin his time with his family, but I also feel so conflicted.

I don’t know what to do.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot due to our different attachment styles (he’s avoidant, I’m anxious). He often dismisses my emotional needs, and after a recent argument, I feel like he’s pushing me away. I’m not sure if I should keep trying or walk away.