How does a 10 year relationship implode 37F with 40M with impossible decision?

Strap in because I am going to try and give as much context as i can and I can be long winded. I 37F met my now husband 40M 10 years ago after a string of bad relationships and situations. He was so charming and active, respectful of my privacy and wanting boundaries around being introduced to my two young children until we had dated enough to know if we wanted to pursue things seriously. I knew 6 months into dating that I loved him and he could tell that I was smitten. He let me know he wasn’t there yet and wasn’t going to say it until he was sure which was refreshing at the time to have an honest mature conversation. My dad passed away unexpectedly about a year into us dating and he showed up! He came with me to meet my father on his deathbed to introduce himself, came straight to my house regardless of my two children to be there for support and finally met my beautiful children. After that I was elated when he said he felt the same and loved me! We got serious and started looking for houses to move into. I had horrible credit and learned a lot about financial literacy from him as he is very intelligent. Being a single mom with no help was hard on me but I took care of them with no assistance so I have always been proud of that. I found out about 6 months into searching I was pregnant despite using birth control and preventative measures like using plan b when necessary. We went into the office and it was an ectopic pregnancy and I was crushed. I had an emergency C section because in removing the fetus the cut my artery and I lost blood fast. I had my first 2 naturally so this was really painful and I was still dealing with the loss of a child I couldn’t have. Work family and then boyfriend were so supportive. We eventually find a house and while it was in his name and his down payment I contributed $5,000 along with his parents. We did renovations and on Christmas Eve we got engaged. We had our minor disagreements and he is very specific when it comes to logic and sense. He is OCD a little and has ADD. We keep all of our finances separate but agreed he would pay mortgage I would pay all other bills. I took on and paid off all brand new furniture for the house and appliances. I paid for the new roof and etc over time as over the years I have tripled my salary and make very very good bonuses that allow us to continue to live comfortably. He was always the one to decide what to do with that money because he said I was horrible with money. We get pregnant as planned, Covid hit, and his father started having major health issues. Needless to say things were stressful and right when larger issues started happening. Every problem turned into a massive screaming tantrum calling me names like ct, Bih, fat, lazy, etc. divorce was threatened every time and has gone as far as packing my bags and throwing them at me. I get pregnant right after it first child together was born and within that time his father passed way. The arguments happened more often and had a much larger focus on me after his dad passed. Over these past 2 years I have had water thrown on me twice by him, Luke warm coffee, and always hearing divorce every argument. I love this man and can’t fathom why he would want to test some one this way. He is an amazing father who cares so much about those children. He is just so specific for example of they want to go to a park he loves fishing so it has to be at one where he can fish at the same time. If we go on vacation it has to be somewhere he can fish and at a beach. If the children do activities and sports and he felt they misbehaved or it was too much time commitment from him being able to do things we couldn’t do them or he wouldn’t allow them to go as a punishment. These instances were more spaced out and I always understood stressors that could have caused those outburst like losing his job and not being motivated to find one for a whole year. He is so smart and makes really good money so that was a hard year on the relationship with two under one years old and nothing but video games and watching kids during Covid. I almost lost my life to blood clots and had major health issues which he was there for but until there was concrete proof that something was wrong for months I was crazy or making a huge deal out of nothing. Since the kids and health issues I gained a lot of weight. We come to a couple months where I have hit a point that I don’t can salvage this relationship. My daughter was playing in her toy car and injured herself the day of his 40th bday party. As people are arriving I had to take her to the ER for the first hour to get an xray. They think it was broke but wasn’t sure and we made it back to the party. Everything seemed fine till everyone went home and he screamed about my embarrassment of him needing to tell people I broke my child’s arm letting her play down a hill and I left him to host his own party, which I had all set up already. He slept on the couch and the next morning we get woke up to shattering glass and screaming of that B***h can clean it up breaking our child’s arm. I had to go clean up a broken jelly jar and a shattered coffee mug he threw. When I went to put shoes on he grew his coke can at my head but luckily I ducked. He was screaming profanities as I was cleaning and throwing his phone at the wall. I couldn’t take it any more and told him I wanted a divorce. He flipped a 180 when he saw I was serious and it was the first time in 10 years I uttered those words. He begged, sobbed, pleaded until 5:30 am and I said fine but we need to work on it and we needed counseling. I left for a work trip and injured myself day 2. Instead of concern I got the you need to be more careful lecture and how could 1 million other people not have that happen rolling an ankle but because I wasn’t paying attention I was at fault. I was floored. When I got back home I was emotionally and sexually so turned off I told him I didn’t want to do anything I wasn’t in the mood. He kept sending me sexually based videos, making comments every time we talked, and even got me gifts like lingerie. This all came to a head 2 days before our vacation and he asked for a blow job and I said not tonight I took all 4 kids to the aquarium, butterfly conservatory and playground by myself and was exhausted. He was livid and screaming at me that I said this was over I can’t do this psychological warfare anymore. He went from begging to screaming to begging to screaming and even brought it out to our children asking them who they wanted to live with and I was giving up on our marriage and all over asking for a blowjob. Then he apologized and begged again for forgiveness. I told him we needed marriage counseling or I wasn’t doing it anymore. We go on vacation and we get out of the car from a 15 hour drive and finally hit the pillows at 2:30 am. He tries to start kissing me and I tell him I want to set boundaries and expectations. It turned into the next three days of all day lectures on not being intimate on vacation isn’t normal and acceptable to I’m cheating on him to I’m trying to divorce him behind his back and take his house and turn the kids against him. I didn’t argue, yell, I barely spoke. He just kept having this dialogue with himself. He apologized and the last 2 days of vacation were okay. He struggled with not being intimate and it shows but I just can’t bring myself to want that right now. I have been trying to communicate my feelings because I am a person who shuts down and survives for my kiddos. We had marriage counseling session and I couldn’t even agree that I was all in and he keeps pressuring me to make a decision. I feel torn because of external opinions and family saying “well if he’s willing to change give him a chance”. They haven’t been in this 10 year cycle of I have been all in and I don’t know if I can take another tantrum or the pressure or the selfishness. Help? Am I giving up to easily? Am I destroying my family for being selfish? Can I really be All in after this?