Girlfriend had a girls night w a gf I’ve always read as toxic. She came home at 5am, being shady one night. Naturally went through her phone and found explicit text messages between her and a co worker (who come to find out is on again off again bf of toxic girlfriend of hers) The next morning she said good morning and I asked who “co-worker” was and she said her “work bestie.” Her apology text after I had to leave to go to work consisted of “I let a work crush go to far”. Three girls in a group setting all texting this guy asking for nudes and my gf explicitly telling him she is loving it; encouraging it..all while texting me during the same time. Absolutely gutted. We live together and our lease has 4 months left. I’m trying to even navigate what to do. I’ve given her an ultimatum she needs to find a new job and never speak to these people again but even then I’m struggling to cope with how to move forward from this. Knowing she still sees this person (& her gf) at work everyday). At this point I want to ghost her and move on completely, take our cat and never speak to her again. But a part of me wants to make sure her work dynamic will never be the same by exposing what these people did (tho I know that’s probably not the right thing to do) Her family is so pure and I could’ve never imagined this happening simply on the premise of how she felt on cheating and what she’d do if she ever found me doing it. Is this even fixable?
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it doesn’t matter what you tell her to do in the work environment, she’s not gonna listen to you. Focus on getting out of there and finding someone that’s actually loyal
What was her response exactly when you gave her the option to find new job ?
She’s not some sappy teenager. If she couldn’t work out what she was doing was beyond the pail you are beating a dead horse.
Good luck.
I get it, you’re angry and want that revenge. Don’t bother investing trying to damage what’s there. She cheated and that sucks.
You need to decide if you’re done here truly or not. You gave her an ultimatum, but you also feel you just want to leave. If you’re done and can’t work past this, yea just leave.
Tell her mom then dip
Birds of a feather flock together.
So what is she offering you? To make sure nothing like this doesnt happen again?
She needs to abandon those friends and work. They are toxic and enemies to your relationship.
But in the end this wasnt a mistake she purposely made these decisions knowing that they would hurt you if you ever found out and if the situation was flipped around and you did those things you know she would have left you on the spot and you should do the same unless she truely shows remorse and you want to forgive her.
But serious boundaries needs to be put on her for you to trust her ever again.
Personally, no matter whether you want to stay with her long term or not, I would break up and show her you stand on business. Make her do the work if she wants to be with you. Either way you come out on top.
What was in the texts? Did she send nudes?
Expose her to her family is the best thing you could do to help her. She obviously has Zero respect for you as a man and she will continue walking all over you bc she hasn’t stopped and hasn’t found a new job like you told her to. Sorry it’s come to this
Man, don’t even put the energy into this. She can’t be trusted at his point, who cares about the guy or the other two girls. Your gf has shown you who she is, and she’s constantly around them. She isn’t going to change.
Save your efforts and energy, protect your peace of mind, and just be done.
Is it fixable? Sure, with massive amounts of effort in her part. Open socials, new job as you said, all that. But do you really want to put in just effort after this? That’s your call. But you already want to leave…
I mean, she can get a new job and distance herself from the bad influence of her gf and the “work crush”.
But that’s really putting the blame of her bad decisions on external forces, when the truth is that your 6 year gf is the one who made those choices.
Until she admits responsibility for what she has done, and wants to make changes so she can be unashamed of her own behavior, then it all means nothing.
The fact that she hasn’t told either of them about you finding out speaks volumes.
I’d be looking for new living arrangements and an exit strategy unless she changes how she’s dealing with them and with you.
Betrayal is hard to get past. If her only effort to address the situation was that one line anemic text message, I would move on. You need to communicate your feelings and the insecurity that now exists. She needs to explain why this happen, take responsibility and commit to rebuilding trust. At that point you need to decide if you want to and are able to work through this. Good luck.
If she’s hesitant yoncut them, not even telling them she got caught yet, then I think you’re seeing how serious she is about going NC.
She should have gone MC the day she realised you found out. Her doing that without asking, putting as much distance as she could between her and the toxics, would have been am encouraging sign. It would show she does realise the gravity of what she’s done to you and the relationship and she was proactively going to try to fix it.
But she hasn’t. You had to tell her what she would do, she soundsliek she give you lip service, but hasn’t done it yet.
Doesn’t look great.
I wanna say thank you for all the support so far. It’s been tough trying to navigate day to day after not being able to really voice this to anyone
there’s nothing she can say or do that will quell the constant thoughts of her cheating again. Do yourself a favor and move on. It might be hard in the beginning but your future self will be mentally better off for it. Work cheating is more common than you think.
actually, do it the right way… if they’re actively engaging in these behaviors AT work then that is definitely something that needs to be brought up to HR is their boss… but in the appropriate manner and not aggressively toxic as find l some revenge seeking boyfriend/ex. If they’re not engaging in risque behaviors at work, it still might be a good idea to have their boss or HR find out to handle on their terms. Either way: be extremely careful with how this is done.
But ya dude, most “innocent” girls have side to them that’s complete opposite or worse in some form or another and in the right circumstances. But there definitely are still good girls out there. But I digress… when she leaves for work on the last month: change the locks and then you and the cat take a long drive out of town to get away from it all and unwind… disconnect from the troubles, in that case you should probably just turn your phone off to help with that. 😏😳
She does not respect you in the slightest and her friends are proof. You need to end this for your own dignity.
Leave no questions, you can’t trust someone who will do this and she will be a thousand times more more discreet in the future.
Dude just breakup, wherever she goes she has the potential to cheat all over again, find someone who treats you like you should be
She doesn’t have to do anything. She seems a perfect fit for the environment she prefers
You need to find a better woman, but first, move out.
“At this point I want to ghost her and move on completely, take our cat and never speak to her again”
This is the way, there is no other alternative. She is too old (IMO) to be playing games and staying until 5am while BF is at home staring at the wall. Dump her for good!
Don’t force her to do anything. You can’t control her. Only thing you can do is remove yourself from the equation. Let her keep the job, her friends, and the coworker she was sexting. Just do what you need to do for yourself. She showed you exactly who she is. Believe it