AITA? I am a mom of 3 – a 7 year old girl and 8 month old twin boys. I work a 9-5 corporate job. My husband is a teacher and obviously has summers off. Last summer, while I was pregnant, I let my husband go on a solo trip to the Bahamas. I travel for work and he felt like it was unfair that I get away so much. I let him do it last year. He has also been talking about going to World Cup games in 2026 with my brother in law in Mexico, the US and Canada, which I am being supportive of because he loves soccer. A few days ago he got it in his head that he wants to do another solo trip this summer because he’s off and sick of just sitting around with the babies. We only have part time care for the boys at the moment (daughter is in full day camp) to save money because he’s off. Well now I’m all of a sudden the bad guy because he wants to run off on another solo trip sometime in the next 3 weeks and I shut it down (I actually gave him the finger as my response – but I jokingly tell him to F off all the time and he takes it well). I’m working, we don’t have full time child care, and it’s honestly just a lot with the 3 kids. He has now turned it into me being the bad guy and all of a sudden he’s furious at me. AITA?
AITA: I said no to my husband taking a solo trip
r/AITAH
Comments
You “LET” him go and now you “said no”? What kind of relationship is that? ESH – y’all need to figure out how to talk and plan and not have a me vs you thing going
I think it’s pretty gross how you keep saying you “let” him do these things.
Talk about it like adults instead of acting like his (mean) Mom that flips him off
Are you still traveling for work?
you’re not the bad guy. your husband already had his solitary trip last year and now he wants another one with 8 month old twins and you’re working? on top of that without full-time childcare. he’s just joking. he prioritized his boredom over your exhaustion. if he wants to escape so badly, let him wait for the 2026 world cup or hire a nanny himself. don’t give in. taking care of triplets is not a summer hobby
He’s the AH, leaving you working full time with 3 little ones and no support. Sorry girl, he needs a good talking to!!
You’ve got three kids, limited childcare, a full-time job, and he’s mad he can’t bounce for another solo vacation? Its not summer break from responsibility
NTA. Sounds like he wants to be a part-time dad and husband. Most parents would love the opportunity to spend time with their babies but he’s “bored”?
NTA. It’s understandable, really, for him to want a break, we all need time out sometimes. But expecting you to handle everything solo with three young’uns? That’s not on, love. Have you thought about maybe planning a family getaway instead?
Nta at all. You go on work trips to work, not vacations. He’s not entitled to just go on vacation because he’s bored. This is wild. I would of laughed in his face
Nta.
First of all, I don’t know about your job, but at mine traveling for work is not the equivalent of traveling for leisure. And besides that, it’s not fair for you to have to pull all of the weight, it’s a partnership.
ESH. You both are not communicating well with each other, or at least not compromising well. It is important for both of you to be able to have time away to have a break and reset. What that looks like is something you should decide together.
If money is part of the problem then tell him he can get away from the kids by getting a summer job to pay for full time care. Decide together what is feasible and what you can afford. Maybe you need a family member to come stay and help you while he is gone and vice versa but there are solutions.
You are both adults and decided to bring children into the world. You need to take responsibility for that, so you working a 9-5 isn’t an excuse to never give him a break. And yes he needs a break more than a couple hours here and there. Maybe he can’t go for a week but he should be able to take a weekend trip somewhere. And the same goes for you. And you two should make time for your relationship and have a babysitter/family member watch the kids, at least an evening here and there but also for a weekend would be good.
NTA. He has the summer free from work, but he is a parent, which brings it’s own responsibilities and work. He can’t just take off on a whim, leaving you with 3 kids and your full-time job. I’m betting when you travel for work, it’s not the same as being on vacation. Maybe he ought to take the kids on a vacation while you work!
Does he like having a family or…?
Your husband is an asshole. Just from this story i guarantee he does a lot more crap that is left unsaid here. Sorry if that hurts your feelings
He’s the one being the bad guy here
Working and taking care of three kids is not an easy job, and he’s busy planning trips and future trips for next year. Girl don’t you need a trip too?
[deleted]
You are the asshole. You seem to think you have the right to dictate what he does or does not do. Maybe that flies in your relationship, but it wouldn’t in most. Should your opinion be considered? Definitely. But do you get the final word in “shutting it down” and giving him the finger. No, and the fact that he takes that from you, is a shame. If the roles were reversed, he would be getting a ton of backlash about how controlling and manipulative he is… but given the demographics of this sub, you are going to be praised for your actions.
Your husband needs to make sure the kids have full-time care while he is gone. That is 100% his responsibility. But as for taking a trip on his vacation… he has every right.
NTA hes acting like a spoiled teenager
NTA but your manchild of a spouse is one. Yes, he is on summer break from his job but it isn’t like he’s the fulltime SAHD for your infants, either. This man just wants to play. If he wanted a summer solo trip he should have planned it out well in advance, including making accomodations for child care, and through careful conversations with his life partner: you. Last year when you were pregnant, and despite your obviously poor choice in wording on “let him go,” it was the perfect opportunity to have him slip away on a solo trip BUT that doesn’t mean it’ll happen every year because you two have three children to consider. Perhaps a discussion on family trips is in order?
NTA but your husband Sure Is.
How is he bored unless he’s not actually doing much child care? If he has the summer off from work he needs to be the primary caregiver for all the kids; it’s wild that he thinks he can just abscond.
I don’t understand why we marry dudes. This is typical behavior. Sorry your dude is so selfish and then gaslighting and emotionally abusing you about it.
NTA. Traveling for work is not a vacation, and if wants to plan to travel, he should be looking into planning a FAMILY trip where everyone goes.
NTA – he needs to put more effort into the care of the children.
Relationships take two and if he is gone where are you to turn for help? Nope you are not the AH, he can be a responsible adult and plan out his trip accordingly and not leave his twins unattended.
you’ve got 3 kids (incl. baby twins), a full-time job, and you’re already cool with his World Cup trip. he got a solo Bahamas vacay last year while you were pregnant. now he’s “sick of sitting around”? that’s literally called parenting.
NTA. Why isnt he doing things with the kids like a normal dad? There should be things he can do with the smalls.
I wish people who didn’t travel for work understood that traveling for work is not actually fun. It’s not the equivalent of going on “a fun solo adventure!” And should not be compared as such.
NTA.
I’m not saying you’re right or wrong, what I suggest is to do the role reversal game.. put yourself in his shoes.. not through your eyes, but fully think about it from his point of view.. now ask yourself “is my wife being an AH for not letting me go away for a little?”
When do you get a solo trip???
NTA. He isn’t your partner, he’s an additional burden
Nope prioritizes yourself. DECENTER MEN. you’re just as valid you go on WORK TRIPS not to the fucking Bahamas.
Work trips are not fun or vacation. NTA.
Nah. Had he come to you with a fully laid out plan including budgeting, child care, a meal plan, a scheduled house cleaner, and grocery delivery set up – then maybe. But I’m confident he’s expecting you to do all that. NTA
NTA. Tell him to grow up. He is a grown man with young children to care for. If he wanted to galavant all over the world he should have kept his junk in his pants. Now he has kids to raise. That requires being there. He can travel when the kids are grown and independent
Dude gets the summers off, is going on a three country, World Cup adventure, and is pissed you want him to help out at home?
What a dick.
NTA.
He’s 100% planning to cheat on you on this little “solo trip”. Guys don’t just randomly come up with solo trip ideas. I would check his social media accounts.
If he thinks your work trip are the same as his holiday and he’s bored sitting around the house with the babies, obviously it’s easy for him if he has time to be bored, so maybe he could take the babies on a fun trip?
Do you not get PTO with your corporate job? Take time off and do a family vacation.
INFO: How often do you travel for work, and how long are the trips?
Correction: you have 4 children not 3. Your oldest is throwing a tantrum because he’s not having enough fun. You travel for work… WORK As someone who travels too, I have zero fun on my work trips. It’s for work, so the whole day and evening tends to get eaten up in work. Exactly what does he think you’re doing when you travel?
Absolutely NTA.
He should go off will all three kids. Oh? That’s not what he wanted? Oops.
YTA.
You have little respect for him considering the derision with which you describe his job.
If he wants to go, go.
I suspect you wouldn’t even ask him if you went on a solo trip.
NTA you don’t get to run off on vacation when you have babies. An afternoon/evening to go watch a soccer game or something is more appropriate if he needs a break.
He is not tntiteld to take fun trips because you have to travel a lot for work; work travel is NOT a vacation!
And if he’s so bored, he can get a summer job like most teachers do.
You’re NTA, and you’re not the bad guy
Your husband sounds like one of those men who hate “stepping up” and doing the bare minimum basic expectations of being a parent
It shouldn’t fall on you to be a married single parent because he thinks it’s acceptable to leave you alone for a impromptu solo trip
so how do you two manage when you have to travel for work? is he left alone with the children often?
You guys decided to have three kids and you can’t just go off on a solo trip like that because it’s too much for him to care for the kids he chose to have. However, if it’s good for his mental health to go out and have some me time- that’s reasonable. I think you have to take time out for yourself. He can do that without skipping town and leaving you with the kids to manage on your own. I’d enlist some support with the twins. I’m going to be honest with you- my neighbors have a four year old and twins. They seem really overwhelmed and even their nanny seems overwhelmed. It’s a lot with twins for sure.
I think there is probably a compromise somewhere in this. Maybe not for a full vacation but he should be able to sneak away for a couple of days not too far. Maybe not international travel but an overnight or weekend trip should be available. Maybe work with friends and family to help out while hes away?
Lmao. Now let’s see it with the genders flipped
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/spidnoaNDj
NTA. Maybe make a compromise where he can go when caring for the kids is a little less intensive.
Why have you kept having kids with someone who refuses to be a parent?
tell him to get a hobby
how about he goes on a trip with the kids and you get the house to yourself. he certainly deserves to get away but hes got 17 years of being locked down with kids, sorry
He went on a solo trip when you were halfway through your pregnancy…
Yeah you don’t get to just peace out on 8 month old twins. Sorry dude.
OP is NTA
NTA. My Parents were teachers and the memories of having them around and doing things during the summer. You may want to explain to him that traveling for business trips is WORK, not a vacation.
You should be planning trips as a family. Seriously, when is your vacation time? Wait, there is none. I understand the soccer trip in ‘26. It’s an event with someone.
The bigger question is, why does he feel he needs to get away? He is spending money you are trying to save. If he is so bored, start a honey do list. Maybe he should pick up teaching summer school or get a summer job. I know a lot of educators do that.
He wants to have his „fun“. NTA.
Time for your husband to catch up to the reality of your life.
Sounds like your husband didn’t want to be a dad again and is freaking out. He isn’t bored, he doesn’t want to take care of his own kids. I’m actively traveling for work right now and the first thing I think about when I leave is how long until I can get back to my son, not all the fun I’m going to have in random medium sized city close to an airport. Of course there are challenging times, but that’s part of being a parent.
Also traveling for work isn’t “getting away.” You’re still working in a typically mediocre location, and you can’t sleep in your own bed or see your family. I’d take the struggles at home over being on the road any day.
How about you suggest that he take a trip and take your 7 year old with him?
You did say that you travel a lot for work. So, you get to travel and he has to pick up the slack – but when he wants to travel it is not ok?
Info. Does he stay home with the kids to let you go on solo vacations yearly?
You have part-time care for the boys to save money, but hubby has the funds to vacation? I don’t think so. If hubby is bored with his summers off, maybe he should find a summer job, do some housework, cook a few meals, or take care of the kids so you can relax. You don’t need a husband, you need a wife.
YTA. Regardless of whether your solo travel is for work or not, you’re leaving him holding the bag every time you travel. He’s entitled to the same courtesy from you. It’s not about whether your work trips are fun or vacation or not. He’s left home alone while you’re gone.
What the fuck are his priorities? 8 month old twins….. is not the fucking time dude….thats without factoring in the rest of the family!!! Selfish is a word that rings here NTa.
NTA hes totally smoking dick
You mean to tell me he wants to leave for a solo vacation for 3 weeks
while you stay at home with 3 kids 2 of which probably can’t even walk and you also work a full time job?
and only partime child care for the infants and hes off for the summer?
Girl i would’ve heated up my biggest skillet i could find and tossed it at his head because he obviously lost his rabbit ass mind
You husband is a very selfish person.
ESH.
Flipping off your spouse for expressing a wish is terrible communication that will lead to more terrible communication. There might be a compromise and you just made it a lot harder to get there.
As for him, kids require a lot more advanced planning! Maybe he has an available teacher friend who could come help out a few hours a day and just take a weekend trip or who could be daycare for a week. But if he has to manage all three kids around his job when you travel, it’s not surprising that he’d want you to do the same.
When are you getting your solo trip?
Yikes. You guys should probably talk about whatever is going on with him. If you guys decide solo trips are going to be a feature of your relationship, you’d better be discussing why right at the beginning and not after you’ve realized the majority of your free time is spent apart from each other.
Interesting. Since when women want to go on solo trips the husbands are considered ‘controlling’ for being averse to it.
Tell him that it’s his responsibility to find full time childcare during the day and another person to do 50% of the cooking and cleaning and childcare nights and weekends. And that it has to come out of his personal budget for the trip, not the household budget. He can’t insist on the trip and foist all the associated labor burden on you.
NTA. Parenting requires sacrifice. I’m a Dad who makes much more money than a teacher, and while I do get the occasional long weekend trip, I ain’t jetting off to the Bahamas.
NTA. There’s no vacation from parenthood. I was a SAHM for over a decade. If he’s ‘sitting around’ with 8-month-old twins, then he’s a lazy parent and partner. There are a MILLION household tasks he could and should be doing when the babies are asleep. Laundry, dishes, meal planning, cooking–these are basics that need to be done DAILY. Are they exciting? No–but they need to be done and other SAHP do it for the good of the family. If he doesn’t want to, then he can get a summer job to cover the cost of full-time daycare.
Info: how long is the proposed trip?
Tell him he can go if he takes the kids.
NTA, kiddo! Sounds like he’s trying to swap ‘Daddy duty’ for vacay. It ain’t all about chillin’ in the sun, y’know? You guys got three munchkins to deal with, where’s the teamwork at? He needs to buck up and be there for his fam, IMHO. You got three lil’ ones depending on y’all and a 9-5 to boot, mama. He gets his fun in the sun next year with the World Cup trip – sounds like a fair compromise to me, bro.✌️👊👶🚸🏖️
Sooo glad I’m remaining childfree. I can’t imagine this.
Sorry but at this point, I’d ask who are you meeting up with?
Question: are you still going on work trips without the kids and is he responsible for the kids during that time period? I know a work trip isn’t the same as a solo vacation but I imagine it feels the same to the parent staying home. I have a 16 month old daughter and just one is a lot by myself. I can’t imagine three babies and two of them still infants. But if you are leaving him to care for the kids solo on your work trip I think giving him a small vacation isn’t so terrible. Or maybe ask him not this year while the twins are so you but next year? Idk if you’re leaving him alone still with the kids I could see why he would ask.
Definitely NTA. You have 3 young children including infant twins AND you are working a full time job! You have two family trips planned and he already has a 2026 solo World Cup trip planned. Leaving you high and dry with all that going on is an asshole move on his part. You definitely need to have a talk so he doesn’t think you’re just shutting him down for the sake of shutting him down. Also, kudos to you for doing all that you do!
8 month old twins? Uh, no.
Wow, and i felt guilty peeling away for a periodic afternoon kayaking on a lake or a bike ride when our kids were 9-14 and my wife had summers off.
It’s so funny how so many men think they get to opt out of the sacrifices you must make when you decide to become a parent. NTA.
How many solo breaks do you get?
NTA.
Say to him, “what are you going to do when I go off on my solo trip?”
Classic “give em an inch ant they’ll take a mile“. Tell him to grow up.
NTA. You let him take a solo trip while you were pregnant with twins and you’re supporting his World Cup plans… this isn’t about you being controlling. This is about timing, responsibility, and fairness. You’re both parents. He doesn’t get to check out just because summer break feels “boring.”
Educator here, and I think your husband is probably playing the victim. Teaching is hard and educators need a break BUT leaving for THREE weeks and leaving your small children and FT working spouse is an asshole move. I’m also wondering how you equate travel for work and leisure travel? Is that what he thinks? You sound very kind and empathetic. I would be asking him why the hell does he need to decompress? Is there a side thing going on?!
So you travel for work and he watches the kids. He’s off in summertime but he watches the kids.. he also works.
I don’t think you’re the asshole all the time but what do you mean, you “let” him go on a solo trip. Like you’re the boss!! You ARE the asshole some of the time.
Let the man take a trip!! Jeez.
YTA. Flipping off your husband and telling him to fuck off is beyond disrespectful. I would want a solo trip too, but probably make it a one way.
NTA – men who don’t want to abandon their solo life after having a family are so dysfunctional. The lack of empathy for what you would endure while he’s off playing with zero ties is a dangerous red flag.
Maybe he can take a weekend trip? Even that would be a big deal, since you have twin babies. It’s just not the right season or life for extended solo vacations.
YTA and so is anyone on this sub who doesn’t realize that if the genders were reversed, they’d be 100000% in favor of the mom deserving a break
NAH
NTA, it’s tough, but there is something I have to say. Everything has to have a balance, and one solo trip per year is not out of order as long as it isn’t killing the family. I’m sure that you “let” (WTF??) your husband go on one last year is something he is thankful for. World Cup is a lifetime trip and he should be thankful for that too.
What nobody else seems to be thinking about is the balance when you’re out traveling for work – during the summer or not – and obviously there are many times through the year he is saddled with the horseshit drama in a 3 kid household by himself. Both parents deserve a breather. I know the rest of Reddit isn’t emotionally ready to admit that, we are all Tumblr rejects, but that’s what is actually fair and healthiest for everyone. You just negotiate the terms and make it fucking brief.
ESH. Teachers don’t get much time off except summer so of course that’s when he’d want to go on a trip. Why does it have to be solo, though? Family vacation?
YTAH, because instead of looking at how you could make this work for the both of you, you just shot it down.
If it’s about money, raise that as the concern, so he could do a side hustle or something to earn extra money earmarked for travel.
If it’s about the kids, could child care be extended while he’s traveling? You seem to have it worked out while you travel for work.
What about offering a couples trip or family trip?
You’re being an asshole because you’ve created a roadblock with no path to find common agreement.
Maybe in an addition to your work trip, you can have your own solo trip.
When’s your solo trip?
He may be selfish or stupid on how it is not kosher to not do things by yourself so often. You are not a slave.
NTA. You travel for WORK, he’s traveling for pleasure. It’s entirely different. If he’s bored there are lots of volunteer opportunities and boredom leads to creativity. I don’t think he’s bored enough yet.
You work year around, 9-5, and you travel for work.
How often and how long do you travel for work? Are they ok trips where you can like walk on the beach at the end of the day or are they like conferences where you are booked sun up to sun down and/or boring places?
7 yr old goes to school/camp
Twins had full time care but you dropped it to part time while hubby was home for summer.
Do you ever get a (mini vacation)?
How long was his trip to Bahamas?
How long is World Cup trip.
Something like a couple of nights nearby (camping or neighboring city) seems reasonable as long as you also get a couple days break
Is he planning on going away every summer?
You have 4 children
So what if you travel for work? You don’t owe him. Life isn’t about tit for tat, or, but whataboutlastyear? Jeepers! Things change. He’s and adult. You have children. Tell him to suck it up and be a father.
NTA – I totally understand needing some R&R.
However if I were in your situation and my husband was bored, especially after talking about it. I would delegate everything that would need to be done if he were away – housekeeping, child rearing and life admin.
Also, if that’s not enough, I would suggest that they do community service, which is always a good idea.
Side question: As a teacher, doesn’t he have any curriculum and administration that needs to be prepped?
NTA you’re working a full time job with 3 kids and he wants to just FO and do a solo trip? You have 4 kids, not 3.
Your husband is delusional.
NTA. He had his solo trip, what he’s bored of doing is parenting. I’m not even sure he likes having a family.
He needs to be present. Just sitting around is on him. He can do plenty of things and take the kids places, etc. I get a solo trip, periodically, but with 3 kids at home, no. That’s a bridge too far.
Also, to say you let him go is, I think, condescending. If you two talk and agreed that his solo trips are ok, say that.
For me, the phrasing is comparable to a. man saying he is baby sitting with his partner/wife/mother of his kids goes out.
If he takes one you get to take one later this year. Might change his view…
NTA… Tell him he can go if he takes the twins and leaves you with your 7 year old girl. That way he can have a guy’s trip and it leaves the girls to hang out when your not working. Seems like a fair compromise to me.
Jokingly telling each other to fuck off is cute until it isn’t, I’d curtail that.
But NTA, he has baby twins, he’s off for the summer, he should be helping at home
NTA. Btw, You traveling for work is not a solo vacation bc you’re at work.
You “let” him? What, are you his mommy? I don’t think you’re TA for not wanting him to take another trip, but the vibe of the post make it sound like he’s the child and you’re the dictator.
NTA if he wanted solo trip time then i guess he shouldn’t have had 3 kids 😲
NTA! Offer him this, a weekend in a hotel, and the neighboring city. It’s the weekend so you aren’t working and he’s nearby if needed.
NTA because he’ll be leaving you with 3 young kids on your own, BUT how often do you travel for work? If you do it to him often through the year then ofc he’s not going to see this as fair
Girl. Stahp. You know you are not the asshole here. How do men even….? HOW?
NTA. Your husband isn’t just sitting around with the kids in the summer, it’s called parenting. What you should really be doing is getting his ass in gear to plan a family vacation.
You mean your husband has to spend his summer BEING A FATHER?! How dare you expect him to do such a thing! Be a father to his own children…honestly who has ever heard of such nonsense…