I [32F], My Husband [42M], and Toddler [2M] Moved in with SIL [50F] & Family who won’t stop slapping and pinching our toddler’s butt – Am I insane?

TW I think(???): Child SA (???)

Backstory: There was a huge opportunity for our toddler two states over, and SIL [50] said we could move in with her, MIL [85F], FIL [80M], and BIL (her husband) [50M] and take advantage of this opportunity. We’ve visited and stayed with them for nearly every Christmas and summer since baby was born without issue so, great, let’s do this for our kid. So we left our beautiful home/home city mid-May to move down here, which we did in two grueling phases. We are finally moved in as of this past Sunday. I was HOPING that when we came back this time from our short trip back home to collect the last of our things, the pinching and slapping of my child’s bottom would stop, that my husband would have had a serious talk with them, but here we are, we get back this Sunday, and it continued.

More Backstory: We had started potty training with the no-pants method beginning late April. We continued down here in May, with the no-pants method, because it works. MIL slapped 2-y/o’s butt first, toddler immediately said stop I don’t like that and attempted to cover himself. I asked husband to talk with her. He did not (apparently.) And I CAN’T, because I don’t speak Spanish. MIL doesn’t speak English. So I trusted husband to take care of this. SIL then slapped/pinched 2-y/o’s butt the next day for the second or third time. Husband finally stood up and said she needed to stop. Big argument ensues. She throws a fit waving her hands around going on about how that’s how they were raised, and my husband states “He’s yelling at you to stop, saying he doesn’t like it, so he doesn’t like it, and you need to stop.” Later that night, when things had calmed down, I show SIL a book, the “ABC’s of Consent” that I read to my child that teaches him to keep his hands to himself, and that no one should be touching his body, and that his body parts are his, and I let her know that this is how I’m raising my child: to say no when he doesn’t like something happening to him. She doesn’t really pay attention to it, or seem interested, or appreciate me trying to bring her to our level.

So MIL a few days later slaps his butt again, as does FIL, to which I responded with “Grandpa you cannot slap his bottom he doesn’t like that” and shoot eye daggers at my husband who has CLEARLY still not talked to his fucking family. Grandpa shuffles away back to his room wordlessly. Everyone is now clearly uncomfortable thanks to yours truly. THEN BIL THE NEXT DAY SLAPS MY CHILD’S BOTTOM. My child is actually in hysterics laughing and rolling around here, having a blast with BIL, so I say nothing at the time and just ask my husband again to talk to everyone. He’s clearly fucking not listening to me and just brushing me off and not taking this seriously.

A few days go by and nothing (great! We’re keeping our hands to ourselves!) Then FIL passes by toddler who is sitting on his feet on a barstool, and pinches his butt causing toddler to yell “STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT, NO NO NO.” So I tell my husband in front of everyone in the kitchen “This needs to stop, FIL cannot be pinching his butt, no one can be touching his butt,” and I pick up my child and stand him on the floor, look into his eyes and say “No one, no one is allowed to touch you, let’s sing a song: ‘No one touch my butt butt butt! I say stop stop stop! No one touch my butt butt butt! I say stop stop stop! My body is mine!” And we sing it together, WELL CUE SIL bursting into the kitchen, interrupting our song, yelling she is “appalled” (again randomly waving around arms) that we would talk to FIL that way, that he has dementia (so??), and that she actually has “a list of problems” with US (news to me. We have only had one problem, and we have made ourselves clear.) I ask what the problems are. She tells me this is between her and my husband. I say it’s not, because this is regarding my son and her making a big deal over not being able to fondle his ass and being told NO, so I’m involved as well. We get nowhere. She doesn’t divulge her secret list. She leaves (probably to go work on her list) AFTER SHE INFORMS ME THAT MY CHILD’S BUTT IS NOT HIS PRIVATE PARTS; IT IS A BUTT, AND THEREFORE NOT PRIVATE (????) My husband texts me the Saint Francis Prayer. Excuse m-

Anyway so I started blasting. I went and got two tall boys and drank them in the backyard as I drafted a long letter to the MIL and translated it into Spanish and sent it to her on Whatsapp, telling her that this message I’m sending her is a favor I am doing for her as her son has refused to cue her in on what’s happening; that her grandson has asked her and the family to stop sexually assaulting him, and they need to stop sexually assaulting him or we are leaving, and that they are not my family, so it will not be hard for me to leave them and take my son to safety and never invest in them again, so do not doubt my words.

This morning my husband is ignoring me and walking almost right through me as if I’m a ghost. I finally ask what he’s doing. He responds that I’m just a mean person, that I like hurting people, and he’s just working on processing that about me right now. OK. SIL sees me in the kitchen and says good morning, I say nothing, she tells me if I don’t greet her then there’s going to be a “big fucking problem.” so I say good! and ask her how her list of grievances against us is going lol.

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. WHY IS MY HUSBAND TREATING ME LIKE THIS?? I tried SO HARD to be chill and understanding and patient and culturally sensitive about this for a month, a fucking month. It’s bullshit I even waited that long and let so many butt pats slaps and pinches go by. I feel like I both failed my child and failed as a wife. I wish I could go back and go nuclear at the first butt touch so I at least know I’m an awesome mom and then just revel in being a horrible wife/DIL/SIL apparently. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I’m looking into moving in with my mother who lives in this state too. Husband can just move back home I guess. Don’t know how I fucked up this bad or what I can do to make things right with my son who, by the way, is now peeing and pooping in the potty finally. Thanks to no one’s help. And I’m starting to put underwear on him.

I feel like my insides are missing, I’m on the verge of crying at all times, and I’m shaking so confused. I’ve tried so hard and given up so much and put my child through so much to be here. I feel just lost. I don’t know next steps. I don’t even know what just happened. I can’t even see this situation correctly right now I don’t think.