Over the last couple years my friend group has expanded. In part to people growing up, meeting new people that we thought were cool, any number of life reasons. Thus, the master group chat has expanded to 16 members, I know everyone and see everyone frequently, but would not describe everyone as my friend. Sub group chats with smaller groups of people are normal and common.
One person added to the group chat a few years ago, i’ll call Ben, is someone I would not consider my friend. I’ve known him for over a decade. I don’t like Ben, they also are a service dog owner as of a few years ago. Dogs are not my favorite, so inherently we don’t have a ton in common. We are cordial when we see each other.
I (31M) had a pool party this past weekend. A few weeks ago, I invited my friend group via a separate group chat that omitted Ben. A few days after the invite, i get asked why Ben was not invited. That person is basically best friends with Ben. I tell him i don’t really like Ben and I definitely don’t want his dog at my house. Basically got accused of being ableist and was called an asshole.
That friend skipped the party and a few others let me know they wouldn’t come in solidarity with Ben. Overall, party was fun, I didn’t really miss the crew that didn’t show. AITA?
ETA: Our first interaction a decade plus ago rubbed me the wrong way. Found him to be a bit of a dick. His personality I just didn’t vibe with. The exact thing that made me not like him I’ve long forgotten to be honest, but I’m not eager to be more than cordial to him.
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Over the last couple years my friend group has expanded. In part to people growing up, meeting new people that we thought were cool, any number of life reasons. Thus, the master group chat has expanded to 16 members, I know everyone and see everyone frequently, but would not describe everyone as my friend. Sub group chats with smaller groups of people are normal and common.
One person added to the group chat a few years ago, i’ll call Ben, is someone I would not consider my friend. I’ve known him for over a decade. I don’t like Ben, they also are a service dog owner as of a few years ago. Dogs are not my favorite, so inherently we don’t have a ton in common. We are cordial when we see each other.
I (31M) had a pool party this past weekend. A few weeks ago, I invited my friend group via a separate group chat that omitted Ben. A few days after the invite, i get asked why Ben was not invited. That person is basically best friends with Ben. I tell him i don’t really like Ben and I definitely don’t want his dog at my house. Basically got accused of being ableist and was called an asshole.
That friend skipped the party and a few others let me know they wouldn’t come in solidarity with Ben. Overall, party was fun, I didn’t really miss the crew that didn’t show. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for not wanting a member of my friend group to be at my party? I might be the asshole because I was an ableist and I don’t like this person’s service dog. I singled this person out when the other 15 members of the chat were invited.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA your personal preferences in people are yours alone and don’t need to cater to your other friends. Your party your rules. Glad you had a fun time.
Nope. NTA. Your party, your rules. Too bad, so sad for them. I wouldn’t keep him as a friend in your friend group. I’d restructure the friend group for my purposes. I’m a part of a local FB woman’s group. There’s a lot of members, but that doesn’t mean I choose all of them to be my friends. I’ll go to the group-sponsored events and am cordial to everyone. However, when it comes to a private event I have, it’s only with those I regard as friends, not everyone.
Nta. Your house is not a public place or place of business and does not have to accommodate anyone you dont want in your home. I love dogs, but for someone who doesn’t I can see why you wouldn’t want one in your house even a well trained one
NTA
It’s your party, at your house. You get to invite the people you like.
NTA. You don’t care for Ben as a person and you’re not a fan of dogs in general. You don’t have to pretend to like Ben or his dog or invite either to your home. That doesn’t make you ableist (I’m assuming you’re not). We don’t all gravitate toward the same people. Explain that to the people who are mad at you over it. Explain it once and then drop it.
NTA It’s not ableist to dislike someone, even if it’s weird to not like dogs! It’s your house and your party, I’d never invite someone I don’t like to my own home!
NTA. As a person with disabilities, I don’t want people to like or dislike me based on my being disabled. I for sure wouldn’t ever want to hear that I was invited somewhere out of pity even though the host did not like me.
NTA – I think you could have left out the bit about his dog and still been NTA. Ben is a friend of your friends. You don’t want to be friends with him and you don’t want him at your house.
I guess if you’re wondering, internally, if you’re an asshole ask yourself if one of your best friends ended up needing and getting a service dog and you had a pool party… would you invite them if it meant their dog was there? If you wouldn’t, then you’re probably an ah. If you would still welcome them and their dog, then you’re not an ah.
Yes. YTA. A service dog is an accommodation for a disability. Not inviting someone with a service dog would be like not inviting someone because they were in a wheelchair.
NTA it’s your house and who you invite is your choice. if the other person decided not to come because you didn’t want someone whom you don’t like who would bring his dog then that is on them. I wouldn’t even give it another thought and enjoy your pool party.
I think YTA but not for not inviting Ben to your party- but for reducing this person down to their piece of medical equipment. This isn’t a pet he’s obsessed with, he’s a whole human being. This is like saying you don’t hit it off with a wheelchair user because you walk therefore you don’t have much in common. There might be more to the story as to why you didn’t hit it off with Ben, but based on what you’ve provided, you’re kind of an asshole.
NTA. But you probably should’ve just left it at not liking Ben. It’s never going to look good saying you don’t want someone’s ssrvice animal in your house.
NTA- I would suggest you lie about this which may seem like it would make you the AH but I don’t actually think so.
You’re now allergic to dogs, or someone in your house is and you are unable to host a dog at your residence. Then your medical conditions are the reason that Bens medical condition cannot be accommodated.
Invite the people you enjoy spending time with. Life is short and wasting time with people you dislike is worthless.
NTA
Should have just invited his dog…
NAH. You have the right to make decisions about who you want at your party and they have the right to make judgments about you on it. The response on both sides seems appropriate; it sounds like your reasoning came off blunt and rather harsh so it’s fair that some people drew unkind conclusions about it.
I’m so sick of ableist accusations, particularly when it comes to support animals. Ben may truly need a dog, but why should you have to host it in your home, particularly when no love is lost between you two, anyway? I’m glad you stood up for yourself, and going forward, yours will not be the only shift in dynamics your group experiences as you all grow older. Just be polite to everyone and wait for the next lightening rod to appear among you. And offer them your sympathy when it is hit.
NTA. Seems your dislike of Ben predates him getting a service dog and unless you have been lying to people, they should know by now that you don’t like Ben. I do think it’s rude to invite EVERYONE but Ben and it becomes very obvious you don’t like him. But it’s not an asshole move, it’s your home and you are allowed to invite whomever you chose.
INFO: Why do you not like Ben aside from him having his service dog? Did they ever do something to upset you or anyone else?
I do think not inviting someone just because of them having a service dog and singling them out while inviting everyone else is a pretty YTA move in the case of the person having not done anything wrong themselves. Service dogs are specifically trained for the person’s disability/condition. Just because the service dog is there, doesn’t mean you have to interact with it and there’s nothing wrong with them in general as long as they’re properly trained and not causing a disturbance.
You really did yourself no favors by mentioning the dog to your friend or in the title of this post. You just don’t like Ben. That’s fine. NTA. But you’re also kind of dumb for factoring the dog into the equation.
NTA. I see those saying YTA are focusing on the dog as being the reason you didn’t invite him and that is being discriminatory.
You said right off the bat that you did not like Ben. That you aren’t a fan of dogs on TOP of that just adds to the fact that you don’t have a lot in common.
It’s your house. You are allowed to invite or not invite whomever you want. If Ben’s BFF didn’t want to attend “in solidarity”, that’s their right.
YTA – it’s one thing if you don’t like Ben. The dog is medical equipment and you are ableist
NTA, you’re not required to allow a dog into your home or a person you don’t like, regardless of their abilities. You’re not a public business, it’s a private home.
NTA for not inviting someone you don’t like. His being a person with a service dog is irrelevant, though, and mentioning it is ableist and makes you look bad. Why bring that up at all? “Sorry, I just don’t like Ben, so I didn’t invite him to my home.” No further explanation is necessary or helpful.
NTA. You’re not required to invite every single person you know to your party, you’re allowed to decide it’s just going to be a small group of friends. You didn’t specifically exclude Ben just because he has a dog, you didn’t invite him because you’re not friends. You also didn’t invite your mailman or the grocery store clerk or the guy in the car next to you at the red light yesterday.
It’s life. U basically don’t like Ben AND yrs later he added a dog to his stable and u aren’t a fan of dogs either. Idk why a group chat makes it out that everyone is included to everything.
YTA for not liking dogs.
NTA
I am answering as a service dog handler, something that is often omitted is that they aren’t protected in every situation. A private residence like your house is one of those places where legally you have every right to say a person they can’t bring their service animal for literally any reason. But on the same hand that you are completely justified in your boundaries so is Ben and those that stand with him. That said he also just was not invited and I suspect that would have been true without the dog, it is just a compounding issue. So yeah, if anything the others are more of an asshole for making a big deal out of who you invite over to your gathering.
YTA – unless ben has personally wronged you then it’s kind of a dick move to single him out if he is a member of the group
Anyone who doesn’t like dogs is an asshole in my opinion. They are magical creatures who help humans like no other species.
NTA, service dogs don’t get any rights with private property.
What if you had a child who is scared, or has allergies?
Making the separate group chat was pretty mean girl of you, if you’re not going to invite the whole chat at least invite them individually
If you don’t like him, don’t invite him, but once you say you don’t want his service dog there in regards to why he’s not invited, yes it looks extremely ableist. YTA for bringing the service dog into it.
NTA
Oh dear. You sound like a chore to be around…
NTA
But boy oh boy do you have some immature friends who lack rational thinking capabilities
They all just glossed over the fact that you don’t like Ben and latched on to the you don’t like dogs…and because you don’t like dogs, that means you are ableist
That kind of irrational thinking is not going to serve them well in life
Not inviting Ben because you don’t like him is fine. Not inviting Ben because you don’t like his dog is not. You are ableist and it goes without saying YTA.
At the end of the day it’s your party and you get to invite who you want. How you went about it wasn’t the best and you might lose some friends in the process but it is what it is. I mean Ben is an acquaintance at most. I had to turn down people before for good reasons
NTA. That is ridiculous. You arent even friends with ben. Its completely reasonable for you to not want to invite someone that you dont consider a friend. Now, if you invited everyone in that large group but him, i would say ytah. Just because it was the whole group. If you do invite him you can ask him to leave the dog home. He can choose to come without the dog, or choose not to come because you dont have to allow dogs in your private home. Even service dogs.
N A H on the decision not to invite, but INFO in how you explained it. If you don’t like him, that’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for not inviting him. By mentioning his service dog, you tie that dislike to him being disabled from the listener’s perspective.
If one of your invitees also had a service dog, you still have invited them?
Gentle YTA – you could easily have said “I don’t really enjoy hanging out with Ben because (whatever you actually dislike about him)” and you instead chose to make it about the dog.
NTA. For one, it’s your home and your party. You are free to determine the guest list. Ben’s not someone you consider a friend. He’s not someone you would have invited even if he didn’t have a service dog. Being a friend of some of your friends doesn’t earn him an automatic invite to your party.
Also, your house is your private residence. It’s not a public space or a place of business. You have the right to say “no” to a dog coming onto your property, even if said dog is a legitimate service dog.
However, you may have faced less backlash from your friend if you just said “I didn’t invite Ben because I’m not very close to him” and left the dog out of it completely.
NTA for not inviting him. However, I don’t think you handled it well. Since his dog is a medical part of his life and not a pet, you’re going to piss people off by making that part of it. Going forward, I would just say, Ben and I aren’t close, and while I have no real issue with him, I would rather not hang out with him. Or something like that.
NTA
You didn’t need to mention the dog. You could’ve ended it with, well I’m not really that close with Ben, why would I invite him.
Either way, sounds like your party was fun, and the people that weren’t there weren’t missed.
YTA for your reasoning. You’re allowed to invite or not invite whomever you’d like (though inviting all but one person is almost always going to make you look like an asshole) but your reason should be ‘because I don’t like the person/some other more diplomatic way to say that’ not ‘because they have a medical device’ (which is what a service animal is). Making the service animal the reason makes you look extremely ablest.
You’re allowed to not invite people to on your house.
You’re allowed to specifically exclude a member of the friend group.
Which you did.
But when you exclude aember of the friend group, noticeabe, that makes YTA
Not a big deal, and alive been the same AH inyblige, excluding specific people for specific reasons.
I still accept that makes me the AH.
YTA for mentioning you doing want his dog to come.
NTA for not inviting him.
Bonus YTA for not really liking dogs.
No, you are NOT the asshole.
It’s your home, your pool, your rules, and you don’t have to tell anyone why you didn’t invite someone. No one has the right to get mad when you don’t invite someone you don’t like, regardless of whether they are friends with that person or that person owns a dog.
If they choose not to come to your party out of “solidarity” with their friend, they are more than welcome to do so. The only thing I will say is that you probably errored in creating a new invite chat with everyone but Ben.
It would have been better to invite them individually and then simply state when asked why you didn’t ask Ben to come that you don’t particularly like him. That would have been enough reason not to invite him over.
Saying you didn’t like dogs is also not a big deal but gave them an excuse to accuse you of ableism, which is unfair. That being said, if those people choose to no longer associate with you over your preference, they weren’t really your friends anyway and losing them will be of no consequence to you and is no big loss.