So, my great-aunt (who I barely knew) passed recently and surprisingly left me a decent chunk of money. Not like “quit your job” kind of money, but enough to clear my student loans and help me buy a small place. I was shocked and super grateful.
Then outta nowhere, my older brother Mark messaged me. We haven’t talked in 10+ years. He was emotionally manipulative, constantly a mess financially, and our parents had to bail him out a lot. He never apologized or reached out—not even when our grandma passed.
Now he’s suddenly like, “Hey, long time no talk!” then jumps straight to “Heard about Aunt Carol’s will, congrats!” …and then boom—asks for a “fair share” of it.
He says he’s struggling with debt and his biz is tanking, and that it’d be “cold-hearted” of me not to help him. I told him no—I’m using this money to move forward, not pay for his past. He called me selfish and said I’ve always been a terrible sister.
AITA for not giving him any of it?
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So, my great-aunt (who I barely knew) passed recently and surprisingly left me a decent chunk of money. Not like “quit your job” kind of money, but enough to clear my student loans and help me buy a small place. I was shocked and super grateful.
Then outta nowhere, my older brother Mark messaged me. We haven’t talked in 10+ years. He was emotionally manipulative, constantly a mess financially, and our parents had to bail him out a lot. He never apologized or reached out—not even when our grandma passed.
Now he’s suddenly like, “Hey, long time no talk!” then jumps straight to “Heard about Aunt Carol’s will, congrats!” …and then boom—asks for a “fair share” of it.
He says he’s struggling with debt and his biz is tanking, and that it’d be “cold-hearted” of me not to help him. I told him no—I’m using this money to move forward, not pay for his past. He called me selfish and said I’ve always been a terrible sister.
AITA for not giving him any of it?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action being judged is me refusing to share any of the inheritance I received from my great-aunt with my estranged brother. I wonder if I might be the asshole because he’s struggling financially, and I’m in a better place now because of this money. He says I’m selfish for not helping him, and part of me wonders if I’m being too cold or unforgiving by holding onto past resentment and not offering any support.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
LOL. DEF NTA.
NTA- but I guess you already know that.
NTA
Not even close. You owe him nothing. He vanished for a decade, shows up when there’s money, and tries to guilt you into giving it up? Nah. Use that gift to build your future. You did the right thing OP.
How did he even know about you getting an inheritance?
Also NTA
It doesn’t need an explanation. It wasn’t left to him. It’s yours.
NTA don’t give him anything. His fair share is zero. Your Aunt wrote a will expressing her wishes for the disposition of her assets.
i would tell him, “okay let’s get technical, you were always a terrible brother and son for what you put us all through. maybe you should’ve made better choices so then maybe you would’ve been included. why do you feel so comfortable asking me for a hand out? i’m not charity, declare bankruptcy like many others do.”
BLOCK AND DELETE.
NTA. Your aunt made her choice about where HER money should go. To do otherwise would be to dishonor her wishes. You take that cash and pay off your student loans, OP. It will help advance your future, which I’m sure was your great aunt’s intent.
Tell him to come back in another 10years and he can have what’s left!
Just block him.
Do you really feel like an AH? I mean, even a little bit? Because you’re not. Not even a little bit. There is absolutely no reason for you to feel anything other than you just got a spam phone call. Keep moving forward!
IN what world do you think you’re TA?
No-contact brother who is a mess comes out of nowhere and wants money your aunt gifted to YOU only.
Yeah, totally selfish of you not to give him some of your money. Eye roll.
YTA your brother is entitled to that money same as you. You don’t get to pick and choose your family grow up. You need to call him and make a share that is equitable to both. You don’t know what traumas as stuff he has been through and this can help set him on the right track. Learn to be empathetic instead of vindictive you’ll live happier ❤️❤️❤️
r/bot-sleuth-bot
NTA
If your aunt wanted to leave something to your brother she would have.
I’d just not reply anymore. He’s not someone you need approval from and you’d benefit if he goes NC.
NTA, after 10 years of no communication, you definitely knew that he was going to ask for money before he even rolled into it. Three only person that is TA is the person that told him in the first place. If he knows where you live, get a camera or two just in case you think he might drop by next. I would say block him, but sometimes it’s better to not block them so that you can document every call, text, etc. I wouldn’t answer any of them though bc nothing positive will come out of it. Hopefully he’ll forget your phone number for another 10+ years and leave you alone.
NTA and nope. If your aunt wanted him to have it she would have left it to him. It’s yours. And don’t be guilted. She left it to you! You! You. Not him. And he is a cheeky Bastarx for asking for some of it. Also not on you.
in almost all these posts there is something like the other person saying “He called me selfish and said I’ve always been a terrible sister.” even though they are the ones who are acting that way
Well, there you go! Very helpful that he has shown he hasn’t changed because you don’t have to feel bad for him.
Mark clearly wouldn’t have contacted you if he hadn’t heard about the money. It sounds like he has a record of debt and if you give him money, then he’ll continue to get into debt and you’ll have thrown the money away.
You’re so right that there’s no point in wasting the money on looking backwards.
I would be very careful. The money will burn a hole in his brain and he’ll be back to manipulate you. Don’t answer his messages. Good luck.
NTA, and, if there’s any grace in your world, he’ll resort to ghosting you for another 10 years. Now go enjoy the unexpected bounty.
Bleh, bleh, bleh. His “fair share” is zero.
She left the money to you. A fair division of HER money is to give it to whoever tf she wants. She gave it to you, not him. Enjoy.
NTA.
Yeah… NTA. Don’t even second-guess this. Just do you and tell him to kick rocks.
The fact that he is your brother does not mean you owe him anything. You never chose to be related to him. Move forward, not backward. Stick with your gut and get rid of the burden.
NAH
My question would be what has he ever selflessly done for you in the name of ‘family’. So many expectations but never any returns.
Block his number and do not give him a dime. Tell him and any family members he tries to get to gang up on you. The money is planned for and spent there is nothing for him. Or anyone else. You are honoring your Aunt’s wishes the money was bequeathed to you.
NTA, tell him your aunt left him his fair share & he’s already gotten more than his share from your parents.
Sister’s response: well, you knew I have always been a terrible sister so why expect anything different?
PSA (Professional Sarcastic’s of America)
“yeah I am terrible. Now go to he** :)”
NTA
>He says he’s struggling with debt and his biz is tanking
“Damn, that sucks. Hope you figure out how to deal with that.”
“That’s crazy, man. Good luck finding a way to fix it all.”
NTA, and make sure you don’t let him guilt you into anything.
He did ask for his fair share so maybe you should cut him a check for $1 (make sure you write “your fair share” in the memo line).
My bad. Maybe fair is closer to $0.01.
Obviously NTA.
NTA.
Based on your post, his fair share would be zero. Your aunt knew he existed and chose not to leave him anything. You should honor her decis. ion.
I swear I have seen this same thing posted more than once recently.
NTA. Your aunt gave the money to you. It would be (literally) going against her will to give it to your brother. Tell him you’re just following auntie’s wishes, then block and ignore. Once he realizes he can’t bully you into sharing he’ll go back to ignoring you.
“New phone, who dis?” NTA.
Mark who? Do I know you?
NTA. Find out who didn’t mind their mouth and make sure they don’t know anything going forward. Also BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK
Continue being a « terrible sister » to a really terrible brother. He deserves not a penny.
His fair share is exactly what she left him in the will. Period end of story.
Block him asap. What a jerk. NTA unless you entertain his request for money.
I’d write him a check of “zero” and in the memo section: “your fair share.”
NTA, block him and shut down/block anyone who defends him.
Info needed: Who told him about your inheritance? Your parents?
He doesn’t deserve anything stick to your choices, Auntie left to you, if she wants him to have some money
She would have left it like she did you.now go plant auntie a nice remembrance tree.
NTA. Block his number and move on.
Not the asshole, he showed himself as the true monster he was when he started negging you
NTA. Family thinks just because you are related, that you owe them. If Aunt Carol meant to include your brother in the will/agreement, she would have done so. So he needs to EFF OFF. Notice how he didn’t even try to reminisce about any memories of the past with your great-aunt, or with you for that matter, and just said “congrats” on the will. Classic money-hungry narcissist.
In fact, I would be petty and give him the tiniest “portion” of it after pretending to understand his out-of-nowhere desperate pleas. Say, “okay big brother. You’re still family, so I will be the bigger person and not cold-hearted”. Then send him only $100 and a restraining order.
NTA. “No more cold-hearted than you ghosting me for 10 years and calling me up just to ask me for money.”
Your brother suddenly calls you after TEN YEARS of no contact and immediately asks for his “share” of a relative’s estate. TEN YEARS! Was he in contact with the Aunt during that time? My guess is no. If he had been, and had been involved in her life, she would most likely have left him a portion of her estate. She did not. It is not his money. He has no connection to it. It was your Aunt’s money and she specified what to do with it. She wanted you to have it. Full stop.
You haven’t spoken with him in ten years. He was happy that way. Use your Aunt’s gift in whatever way you see fit. IF you want to be gracious, you could set up a trust and a small amount in it for his child(ren), IF he has any, and make it so they can access it when they go to college, move out, at age 25, or whatever guidelines you set up. DO NOT put his name anywhere on that trust or as a beneficiary. Do not make him a Trustee. Name yourself as Trustee and list your attorney, a trusted friend or relative, or some other entity as a Trustee should you die before they are able to take it. I would never give him a cent. He will squander it and won’t have anything left for the child(ren). Of course, if he doesn’t have any children, then this isn’t a necessary step.
One more thing, I would contact an attorney about setting things in place so you can be sure your assets pass to the proper individuals in the event of your death. Family members who are not good with money tend to try and get “their share” and maybe more after a death. If you are not married, do not have children, and have no will or other legal documents, he may well sue for a part of your estate. Remove that possibility now. Contact an attorney who specializes in estate planning and get things set up. Your brother isn’t trust worthy. He doesn’t want a relationship with you. He wants your money. Be sure you specify what YOU want so, like your Aunt, things will be done the way you wish!
My condolences on your Aunt’s death. I hope it all works out for you.
NTA and don’t let him feel guilty.
Maybe someone smarter than me has brought it up but it might be worth while consulting with a lawyer in your state to make sure he can’t contest the will/ that he has no legal recourse.
NTA
But you need to do a little digging on who informed him of this.
Nope .
You’ve always been a terrible sister, why should he expect any different now?
Don’t give in, if you do half won’t be enough. He will whine and lie until he’s gotten the rest and then you will never hear from him again.
NTA
You are doing the right thing. When having to deal with an estate myself, people I had never even heard of or met that were “family” came out of the woodwork looking for money.
It’s not cold hearted or selfish to abide by your aunt’s wishes. If she wanted him to have any of her money he would have been in her will. You also can’t be a terrible sister to someone you haven’t been in contact with for 10+ years.
Absolutely NTA
NTA. He will throw it away, just like he has done with all the other “help” he has been given, or at the very least keep doing whatever he does that gets him in this mess. You are entirely right, and entirely entitled to move forward with your life. Your aunt picked you not your brother, for a reason.
NTA. If your great-aunt would’ve wanted him to get “his fair share” then she would’ve put it in her will. Ignore and block him.
I wouldn’t have even responded. I would have blocked the number, figured out who gave the information, and blocked them.
If aunt would have wanted him to have money, she’d have left him some.
If you give your brother anything, will he become “unestranged?” Is there a benefit to that?
NTA.
GUYS LOOK AT THE EM DASHES AND THE TONE IT’S GPT
DON’T FALL FOR IT
NTA. You don’t owe your brother anything given that he never bothered to cultivate a good relationship with you.
Wouldn’t zero be a fair share? Did the aunt know who he was?
NTA seems like you did give him his fair share
Not a chance. And any money you give will just cause him to either complain about the amount, ask for more or both.
Stay strong.
NTA. Money brings out the worst in people. SEE it happening right there !
Just say, sorry, it’s all gone to pay off debts you had. Tell him if he had only been around the last 10 years or I would have thought of him sooner.
Good luck!
Sounds like he already received an advance on his inheritance from your parents. Your relationship was your aunt was yours. He has his. It would disrespect her wishes if you “shared” your inheritance from her with him. You’re NTA and a grateful, loving person. He’s manipulative. Don’t reward him.
NTA. Don’t even respond to him.
NTA
Your aunt had the chance to give him money in her will – and didn’t, end of story. He doesn’t get to take your money after 10 years of no contact especially after being an absent brother.
Block him and enjoy your life
Obviously NTA and when my brother who decided he didn’t need family suddenly comes crawling back when he hits a tough spot I probably won’t even respond.
We just all stopped reaching out and now he hasn’t talked to any of us for years. Maybe I’ll leave him on read for a few years before responding. Turn about is fair play.
NTA
He made his bed, he can live in it.
NTA. Just think of the outcome if the situation was reversed.
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
Thats literally all there is to say about it.
NTA
NTA, you’re not responsible for his debt and if your aunt wanted him to have anything she’d have left him something. I’m sorry for your loss, it’s hard. But treat yo self, she left you the money for a reason.
NTA. Your money, your decision. Would you give him money from your wages? I don’t see how you got it, is any of his concern.
Always consider the source. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it if I were you. If your aunt wanted to, she would have gave him some to. Hes a user, you already know this.
Block and don’t look back
I think it would be fair to venmo him like $10 and add a note that this is his fair share of it.
NTA.
Tell him nope!!!!!
There’s a reason she didn’t leave you anything. Pound sand.
NTA
NTA. He appeared to ask for money. After you give him the no and he knows nothing else will work, he will disappear again. He wasn’t a brother to you, so there is nothing wrong with not giving a stranger your inheritance.
Fook that guy
NTA- he couldn’t be assed to keep in touch with aunt carol but he thinks he’s entitled to her money? No fucking way! I’d ghost him. He doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
He hasn’t changed a bit. He’s still trying to manipulate you.
NTA. You owe him nothing. In fact, you would be disrespecting your aunt. If she wanted him to have her money, she would have included him in the will.
I’d say “No, bye!”
What is his fair share of Aunt Carol’s money? I’d say that’s for her to decide, and she already did. Don’t give him one red cent.
NTA. Block his number and be sure to keep your money safe.
Are you seriously asking this question?
No.
Nope, but you already know that, right?
“And you’ve always been a terrible brother. Guess we’re even. Bye!” NTA.
In a word, No. your Aunt made her wishes known. Don’t dishonor her by giving away what she gave you, especially with the situation with your brother. He only called because of the money. Enjoy your inheritance guilt free.
Nope. Definitely NTA and don’t feel bad about it.
NTA. Take a screenshot of his last previous message to you and the first message sent in this “reconciliation” message. Make a note of the time passed between and then block him.
NTA. The only reason he reached out after 10 years of zero contact was to try and cash in. I’m guessing it would be safe to assume he didn’t have a relationship with your aunt, and he has no interest in repairing the relationship with you. He is an opportunist.
NTA. He doesn’t want to be part of your life, just wants money. This is the worst type of person because they think they can emotionally manipulate you due to being family. Fuck him and people like this
You haven’t been a sister for 10+ years, so NTA. He can go back to no contact. He isn’t interested in you, as you know. The aunt had an opportunity to choose where her money went. She didn’t want him to have any. You are honoring her wishes
Nope, I think fuck off is a perfectly valid reply.
NTA F that leech
This exact story was posted within the last 2 weeks.
Lol yeah fuck that guy
NTA. Aunt Carol already decided that his “fair share” is $0.
You are NTA. Your deadbeat, loser, fair-weather-friend brother can go kick rocks.
Do not give him any money. Some brothers are soul suckers. My brother owes us over $27,000 and swore up and down he’d pay us back. Well the last amount was given 7 years ago and we haven’t seen one cent. He still has the nerve to rant and rave about how hard his life is and not contribute to family life, even a small offering of food at Christmas. He’s a leech on society. My sister and parents enable this behaviour, but I will not.
NTA
Be the terrible sister. Own it. Rub it in his face, if you want, until he crawls back into the hole he came out of.
Nope. Let’s hope he disappears for another decade.
He is still being manipulative. Go no contact.
No is the shortest and longest story out there. He only came back for the money, once he gets he is gone, you would not be the A.