My (29m) grandfather (80m) has done a lot to help both my wife (26f) and I when we moved back to our small town and started a business. Business is going well, no complaints there and we love what we do. We live on our own, have for six years now. Grandfather has helped us by mowing our lawn for us (We never asked for this to be done, he just rides his tractor down when we’re away and when we get home it’s done.) They have paid for our winter tires for Christmas once, helped us with drives before we got our second car, etc. We truly appreciate everything them, and everyone else too, has done for us to get us on our feet as a married couple. We take them out to dinner, we have weekly family dinners where we cook for them, etc.
Fast forward to Tuesday. We are heading over to their house for a pool day/barbecue. Not out of the ordinary. I take my shirt off and immediately, the conversation goes like this:
Grandfather: Wow, you’re fat.
Me: Excuse me? That’s rude.
Grandfather: Well, no, it’s not, I’m just saying you’re fat.
Me: You don’t say that to people.
Wife: That was rude…
Grandfather: *gets upset and walks in his house* I guess I won’t say anything anymore, I was only joking.
I proceed to sit down and hear him rambling to himself inside (the only door closed was the screen door). I get up, mentioned to my wife how I am uncomfortable now, and would like to leave.
Fast forward to today, I get a Facebook message. It’s from him, saying I need to grow up and that it was only a joke, and that everyone calls each other fat.
I haven’t responded, but my wife went over to their house to pick something up and he for all intents and purposes forced her back into the conversation about it. He said that he thinks it’s rude of us to treat him this way when he has done so much for us, that he is so hurt that we said we needed space, told us to grow up, etc.
I have a question, mainly. What is it about the older generation where they don’t do things for a net positive, they have to gain something out of it or they throw it back into our faces at an unrelated thing.
I can’t with these people, they are absolutely ridiculous. While I appreciate the help we received, it’s not connected to the rude comments made.
TL;DR Grandfather called me fat and because I said it hurt me, tosses everything he did for us back in our faces.
Edit: I forgot to actually ask for anything advice wise. What should we do? This is a pattern of behavior, and it’s incredibly frustrating.
Comments
“Even if you only meant it as a joke, it was hurtful to me- I don’t feel it’s appropriate to comment on someone’s appearance like that. It has nothing to do with all that you’ve given us and do for me, which I will always be grateful for, but if you can’t keep comments like that to yourself, we won’t be able to spend as much time with you.”
The man’s 80 years old. He does a lot for you. Just accept him where he is, he’s definitely not changing. It’s how I treat my similarly-aged parents (I’m genX) and it spares me tons of hurt, upset, and grief. He didn’t mean anything by it, to him it was just an observation. If it was me, I would just let it go.