A few months ago, my fiancée and I were hosting a birthday party at our home. It was planned to be a casual, joyful gathering of her close friends — some of whom are trans. We also invited my siblings.
For context, my sister and I don’t share the same values, and she’s made transphobic comments in the past, so we wanted to give her a polite heads-up before the party.
We let her know that there would be LGBTQ+ folks there, and that I just wanted to make sure everyone could feel comfortable and safe. I didn’t ask her to agree with anyone, just to be respectful — no debates, no commentary. Just chill.
Her response?
“As long as no one talks about chopping off kids’ privates, I’ll be fine.”
And then: “If she (meaning my fiancé) doesn’t want me there because I’m straight and not mentally ill, that’s fine.”
No one mentioned kids. No one mentioned surgery. Her reply came out of nowhere — inflammatory, graphic, and clearly not meant in good faith. She went on to mock trans people, equate being LGBTQ+ with mental illness, and insult people she hadn’t even met.
My fiancée and I decided to uninvite her. We weren’t going to risk our friends (or ourselves) being disrespected in our own home.
That’s when she went nuclear. She:
• Made a Facebook post claiming she was excluded for “being a straight woman.”
• Told my parents and her Facebook cronies I was addicted to drugs (completely false), which led to my parents calling me for an “intervention.”
• Repeatedly refused to apologize or take responsibility, instead playing the victim to anyone who would listen.
I’ve tried to move on, but months later I’m still pissed. I feel like she got to publicly smear me, make a mess, and walk away consequence-free.
Frankly, I can’t stand being around her.
I want to host future family events like Christmas, but I don’t want her in my home. And I still sometimes wonder if I was too harsh for uninviting her over a boundary that, in my mind, was pretty damn reasonable.
So Reddit —
AITA for uninviting my sister from a party after she immediately disrespected a boundary I tried to set respectfully? I have screenshots of everything.
Comments
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A few months ago, my fiancée and I were hosting a birthday party at our home. It was planned to be a casual, joyful gathering of her close friends — some of whom are trans. We also invited my siblings.
For context, my sister and I don’t share the same values, and she’s made transphobic comments in the past, so we wanted to give her a polite heads-up before the party.
We let her know that there would be LGBTQ+ folks there, and that I just wanted to make sure everyone could feel comfortable and safe. I didn’t ask her to agree with anyone, just to be respectful — no debates, no commentary. Just chill.
Her response?
“As long as no one talks about chopping off kids’ privates, I’ll be fine.”
And then: “If she (meaning my fiancé) doesn’t want me there because I’m straight and not mentally ill, that’s fine.”
No one mentioned kids. No one mentioned surgery. Her reply came out of nowhere — inflammatory, graphic, and clearly not meant in good faith. She went on to mock trans people, equate being LGBTQ+ with mental illness, and insult people she hadn’t even met.
My fiancée and I decided to uninvite her. We weren’t going to risk our friends (or ourselves) being disrespected in our own home.
That’s when she went nuclear. She:
• Made a Facebook post claiming she was excluded for “being a straight woman.”
• Told my parents and her Facebook cronies I was addicted to drugs (completely false), which led to my parents calling me for an “intervention.”
• Repeatedly refused to apologize or take responsibility, instead playing the victim to anyone who would listen.
I’ve tried to move on, but months later I’m still pissed. I feel like she got to publicly smear me, make a mess, and walk away consequence-free.
Frankly, I can’t stand being around her.
I want to host future family events like Christmas, but I don’t want her in my home. And I still sometimes wonder if I was too harsh for uninviting her over a boundary that, in my mind, was pretty damn reasonable.
So Reddit —
AITA for uninviting my sister from a party after she immediately disrespected a boundary I tried to set respectfully? I have screenshots of everything.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for uninviting my sister to a party and setting boundaries based on her reaction?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA but you’re setting yourself up for pain and failure if you try and host events like Christmas with your side of the family
NTA – your sister is obsessed with trans people and people’s genitals. She wants to argue about this all the time, and when she does argue about it she either wants total agreement with her statements, or to play the victim if there is any challenge.
I’d slowly try to get her to cut down on the online news.
Absofreakinlutely NTA
NTA. She sounds like a despicable person. I’d cut her out completely, TBH.
NTA
You giving her a heads up was a nice gesture that should not have been necessary. Her reaction was completely out of line.
In a normal world, you wouldn’t have said anything, and the party would have gone fine. And the thing is – all she had to do was say “Okay.”
Your sister is the reason for the mess. I’d go ahead and offer to host a holiday without her. When your parents object, “Sister has shown over and over again that she cannot be respectful. She lied to you about me being on drugs and started a social media smear campaign about me! She is the problem here, and I don’t want to be around her. I certainly don’t want her in my home.“
Edit to add judgment
NTA…Why would she even want to come? I say go no contact and write her off. Let her take her superiority eksewhere.
NTA. But you need to go a step further and uninvite her from your life.
Uninvite her forever. She could have kept her thoughts to herself but chose not to. She was definitely going to rain hell down on your party. Adults should be able to be in a room with someone different from them and be able to be cordial. She acts and sounds like an immature teenager. Nobody looks good ranting on social media and most people don’t pay attention to the crazies on FB spouting off nonsense. You don’t need any of her people in your life anyway. NTA
I’d go so far as going NC completely. Not just a single party. She sounds awful. And anyone who hears how she speaks to you and your guests under your roof and defends her? You can go NC with them too.
NTA
YTA for inviting her in the first place. A table with one bigot and nine people who sit with them is a table of ten bigots.
NTA. No. She was excluded because she can’t be a decent human being and you wanted your guests to feel safe
NTA. However, if you want to host events in the future, it might not be great to feel the pressure to invite her because of your parents, etc.
NTA
NTA
You would have been if you’d allowed her to come and put your friends at risk.
NTA. You uninvited someone who is both a walking drama and delusional. Just because she may be your sister does not mean you have to invite her.
My GOD. I am so sorry. You know you’re not the asshole, right?
NTA. She sounds like a fairly typical TERF – claiming to be “speaking for women” but obsessed with other people’s genitals while claiming other people are the ones constantly bringing it up. She would have absolutely ruined the party, probably with gross sexual comments.
And it sounds like your parents have helped put this in her head. Not the transphobia, exactly, but this validation that she can say whatever she pleases and be trusted for it, without consequence.
You have her an extremely simple rule – don’t make people uncomfortable – and she made it excessively clear not just that she wouldn’t follow it, but that even the instruction made her inclined to be worse.
You do not need to invite her around for holidays. Other people might be pissy about it, but you deserve peace, and she very explicitly will not allow that. That’s the bed she’s made.
NTA. You didn’t pick your family.
NTA
She’s vile, a bigoted phobic on so many levels (I can’t pick just one), a liar (“Mom, Dad…OP is on drugs!”), and just overall unpleasant to be around.
Why would you invite that energy into your home, your inner sanctum, your safe space? Just because she’s blood doesn’t mean she gets to be included in your life. That’s what chosen family is for.
How did you get your parents to not submit you to a drug treatment facility, anyway?
NTA but you should have replied to the post saying no we uninvited you because you said “[x]” and then her quoted words go in the bars
NTA. Cut ties with her and anyone else who wants to support her. She made her bed, and she needs to sleep in it now. If your parents ask why, tell them that until she apologizes for her behavior, she doesn’t exist.
Nta.
Your sister chose to be an ahole and must now bear the consequences
NTA. I’d uninvite her from my whole life.
NTA, shut the door and lock it. She’s obviously never going to let up.
If anyone needed an intervention it was her.
NTA Your sister has drunk the koolaid and gone off the deep end. You knew she would not be civil or gracious to your guests and she then confirmed it. She sounds completely unhinged. I would go full NC with her. You don’t need that toxicity and hatred in your live. If you want to host a family holiday, you might be able to allow her to come so long as she knows if she utters one derogatory word, she will be escorted out. That is if you want to be gracious.