I have been married to my husband for over 5 years and we have two kids together. We have a lot of issues over the last years but the history of things are, he treats me like he absolutely hates my guts and this quite evident during conflicts. He says things are his own and I shouldn’t use them. He doesn’t do anything for me except of recent after having so many sit downs on the issues we are having. Like he has never even paid for me. Even reluctantly takes my car to mechanic and when he pays he makes a “joke” about how much he spent.
We quite literally have arguments 9 months out of the year. I have cried so much I have no tears left. I haven’t been asked on a date or take on when even when I ask in 4 years. He is willing to splurge on our kids. We put them in activities and buy them things but when it’s me, he will always say he has no money.
He doesn’t compliment me at all. He made a joke about me never touching his pension when we are old and I should go and increase at pension contribution at work. He has made it clear that it’s HIS money that we are using to buy a house.
I know he doesn’t like broken homes, he has spoken about how single parenting is not something he’d like to do. He’s almost afraid of it.
I was so sick earlier in the year and he didn’t ask me how I was or why I was coming back home early and why I was in the hospital so frequently. When we ended up making up after the very fights, he STILL didn’t ask.
During conflicts, he will snap at me, ignore me when I’m speaking to him and be very short with me. He only apologizes when’s horny and want to have makeup sex. Every single time we fight (it usually averages a week at least) he will try to make up by touching me and then saying Sorry. He will do better and then kiss me and then we have sex. Also, this always happens in the dark. He never apologizes to me when it’s day light or when the room has some lights on. My back is always turned to him.
Anyway, yeah, I think my husband hates me. I literally now feel nothing but anger. I’m angry at myself and I don’t know why. I am sad. I still have love in my heart for him but I think the love is for the potential he has not for his current person. I honestly am spoken to like trash. I maybe in bed grunting when we are in conflict (I have some health issues we are trying to figure out) and he wouldn’t ask what’s wrong with me. He will order food for himself and the kids.
Yeah, I don’t even know the point of this I’m just so angry at myself. Am I insane to think this?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
divorce him.
Was he always like this?
You have everything to gain by divorcing him. Do it now. After it all you will have no regrets . Your health and happiness come first.
Yes, he doesn’t like you.
Take responsibility for your part in this though. You’re allowing this. Go find a divorce lawyer and start the process of separating.
This is also a terrible example for your kids to live with.
You are mad at yourself bc you know you need to leave. Especially if you have health issues at 31 and he is not helping or supportive, he won’t be there for the long haul. Use that energy and get out. If he doesn’t want to single parent, you need to get him to commit to couples counseling but this current situation is bad for you AND your kids.
If you stay this is going to be a miserable life.
Why on earth are you still with this complete asshole?
Possibly nothing, but do you have differing politics? I’ve seen a lot of husbands get stuck in online echo chambers recently & start seeing their spouses as political enemies.
You’re not insane. Trust your instincts and the overwhelming evidence right in front of you. Do you want to be miserable and unloved the rest of your life? Do you want your kids to grow up thinking it’s acceptable for someone to treat their spouse like this? Please leave.
clear as water that this man has no love for you, like none. I urge you to get out of that! Can’t imagine what it does to your self-esteem and life quality…
Does he take any behavior-altering meds?
Mine hated me too. We also had two kids. I made him leave. Best decision of my life. He can hate me at a distance now.
Life’s too short. This isn’t what you want your kids to see either.
He’s using you to parent his kids, you said it yourself, he doesn’t like you. He’s not joking about any of it.
Literally what is the point. If you get seriously ill ever also you are alone as far as his support.
GURL HE HATES U. RUN. GET A DIVORCE
If he doesn’t like broken homes, he’d change his attitude because your kids are living in a broken home now. Stand up for yourself and leave.
Don’t let your kids think this is ok. You’re modelling behaviours for them now that they will take forward in their own lives.
i gave you another year this is domestic abuse even if this verbal.
Yikes. I am probably playing armchair therapist here but be careful. He sounds unhinged and the most dangerous time is when you’re leaving. I can see it hasn’t been physical before but he doesn’t seem to have any empathy and I see red flags flying. I am sorry but get out safely as soon as possible.
Was there or is there ANYTHING you can tell us youve done wrong in the relationship?
you are correct your husband hates you, he also probably doesn’t really care about broken families as much as he cares about child support and having to have the kids all by himself on his days/weekends. He knows how much worse his life will be if you left (only because of all you do not because of companionship) and he also knows that if you figure out how much better YOUR life would be without him you will leave. Well here you have people, strangers just hearing your story, telling you your life will be amazing if you leave. Follow that advice! Why TF are you staying with someone who hates you, do you understand what that can do to your kids? What if one of them comes to you in 20/30 years and tells you this is what their married life is like and they think it’s normal because they saw you live with it? Would you tell them to stay or tell them you made a horrible mistake and you wish you had left him long ago?
Bi guy wants sex with a man.
Married you to prevent social disapproval.
Get out now. It’ll only get worse.
Sex from behind cause he cant stand ur front .
Take kids and move back to parents house.
You’re worth so much better than this.
Turn that anger into action. Talk to a lawyer about your options. Gather a village of friends and family who support you and the kids. Then you make a plan to leave. Definitely be on BC to avoid pregnancy.
So many of us put our husbands first and that needs to change. Who cares if he doesn’t like “broken homes”. Does he not realize your home is broken now because he treats you so poorly? Even if your kids are little, they know there is something wrong with mom and dad. Kids sense these things and often internalize it and believe they are the reason Mommy is sad and Dad is mad.
This is your life and it is time live it on your terms. You are so much stronger than you realize and you do not have to remain married to a cruel man.
Do you want to be writing the same things when you are 60? Leave now. He is monstrous to you.
Time to drop the hammer. Tell him you can’t take it any more and say you want a divorce…… if he truly hates broken homes then he will finally make an effort. If he agrees to try, intensive therapy is need ASAP.
It can’t be an empty threat. You need to be prepared to leave
No one deserves to live like this