My boyfriend doesn’t get me off during sex

r/

I (F32) have been seeing my boyfriend (M34) for 5 months. He’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. He shows me a lot of love and care and treats me like a princess in almost every way.

In the beginning we had a great sex life. He ensured that my pleasure was prioritised. But after about 2 months, that prioritisation has waned. He doesn’t make any effort to get me off anymore. He just goes until he cums and then it’s over. For context, it is not challenging to get me off and there have been no issues with it previously.

I have brought this issue up with him twice. The first time he blamed my period (which I pointed out is a 5 day event), got me off once after this and then went back to what he was doing previously. And the second time he tried to find ways in which it could be my fault. I called him out on this, and said that this was shit behaviour. I find it really hard to bring things like this up, and he had just pretended I never said anything, and when confronted chose to deflect. I said that if I didn’t see a change then I didn’t have confidence in a future for us. He took accountability and said that he would make changes. But the same thing has happened. He’s gotten me off once, and since then, it’s just back to what it was.

Is this the end of the relationship? I really don’t want to end things, we have the same values and he treats me really well in every other way. But sex is really important to me and he obviously doesn’t think what I have said is important, and I feel like accepting this would be disrespecting myself and my boundaries. Any advice?

TLDR: my (F32) boyfriend (M34) of 5 months doesn’t get me off during sex, or even try to. He is perfect in every other way. I’ve spoken to him about it twice, but no change has been made despite him saying he would. Do I end the relationship?

Comments

  1. nottooparticular Avatar

    But he only has one job!

  2. superultralost Avatar

    This is who he is. He pretended for two months and this is the real him. If you have talked to him and he chooses to pretend you didn’t say anything, I don’t know what do you want us to do ? No one here has a magic wand to behave as a decent partner.

    If this is the “best” relationship you’ve had, maybe raise your standards?

  3. FireMaster2311 Avatar

    I mean if sex is important then end it. Compatibility on Sex, Communication, and how to spend money are the main 3 factors for relationships ending. If you don’t have those 3 things, probably won’t work unless you add lots of toys or something.

  4. nottooparticular Avatar

    Seriously though, one of the most important qualities one person can have for a partner is consideration. If he is not interested in pleasuring you, guess what? You will son find that he lacks consideration in other aspects of life with you as well.

    I think he’s playing nice until he has you hooked, because there is no good reason that any loving, considerate partner would ever even consider doing this.

    Be careful, OP.

  5. funnierontheinternet Avatar

    You have to be more assertive that this is important to you because sexual incompatibility will end this relationship. What he’s doing is just selfish, plain and simple. Sex is supposed to be about pleasuring your partner, not yourself. It sounds like you’ve already spoken to him about this and he was dismissive and rude to you about it? Don’t let that go, because by all accounts, that’s the ONLY thing wrong. If he continues to put that off, then I would seriously consider just ending it because it’s important to you (rightly so!) and he isn’t treating it with the respect it deserves, especially in a relationship this fresh. Sorry that you’re experiencing this, OP. I sincerely hope he takes what you say to heart but if not, you need to move on past him and find someone who treats you and your needs with the respect you deserve

  6. neuroctopus Avatar

    There is no shame in wanting to be sexually compatible. None, whatsoever. If you’re in a Western culture, you’ve been shamed into thinking it’s weird that you expect to get off as often as your partner.

  7. SheiB123 Avatar

    He is selfish. He pretended to be a good and generous lover until he had you hooked. Now, he is showing his real self.

    END IT and tell anyone who asks about dating him what he is truly like

  8. coffeesoakedpickles Avatar

    girl he does NOT care about you respect you or treat you like a princess if he puts zero effort into your sex life. That is a basic need and you are way too grown to settle for less than you deserve

    in my personal opinion, the way a man treats you in bed is a very solid depiction of the way he will treat you in marriage and the rest of your relationship and i would bet my life that this is not the only way he’s selfish towards you

    do better for yourself . You deserve a partner who is so obsessed with you that they would do anything to give you pleasure and joy and intimacy 

  9. L6V9 Avatar

    The line “ I hope the sex is good “ is so true

  10. Thesurething77 Avatar

    It’s been 5 months. Just leave. What are we doing???

  11. Bitter_Classroom5932 Avatar

    You’re in your early 30s, you’re old enough to know this doesn’t have a future. He thinks sex is about him. He knows how to get you off but chooses not to. There’s no happy ending for you in this relationship, and as proud of the pun I am, it’s true. You know. Find someone that knows sex is about connection as a couple, not just a means to get off.