I feel bad for hoping that my friend’s wedding won’t happen soon… or ever.

I belong to this friend group for a decade and counting. Over the past years, I have always been so supportive of my friends’ relationships, and most of them are in long-term ones, all high school sweethearts, as others would say. I have no problem with my friends’ partners except for one.

My friend and her partner shared countless ups and downs throughout those years. One particular down recently, I must say, was when the guy cheated and had sex with another woman (well technically this is the second time he cheated but the previous one, years ago, did not involve any sex). Our friend told us that it was over and that it might be hard to rekindle the relationship. Of course, we consoled her and showed support for her decision. I even messaged the guy and told him how shitty he was for doing that.

Not until months later did my friend suddenly announce that they’re trying to get back together and work things out. Honestly, I was disappointed, and I even tried to remind her how we were also hurt by what she experienced and we don’t want her to be hurt again by that guy, only for her to dismiss that herself, as if it never happened. Well, funny how love works?

Well, we never tried to get in their way anymore because, at the end of the day, it’s still her decision, even if I have always been the one who was vocal and kept telling her she deserved better. But I guess they moved past that “cheating” part and went back to normal. In my mind, though, I kept thinking that they’ll eventually break up, and that would be the better case.

However, mid-last year, I felt sadder with the news we received. She announced her pregnancy and that they might get married soon. My friends and I have mixed emotions about it, and again, we have been really open with her about what we felt, especially regarding their relationship. Babies are blessings, but I just felt sad for my friend, that she’ll be tied and constantly choose to be tied to that guy, and now with a bigger responsibility. She was just starting to build her life, a career, her post-grad. And the guy? He hasn’t even graduated yet and has no stable job. My friend was the one literally supporting herself throughout the pregnancy. I honestly don’t want her to be in that situation. But it’s the situation, I suppose, she chose. I was even more terrified when she said they’ll get married right away. I definitely told her if she was sure about it and if it’s something she really wants, or just for the sake of the child.

She was the one who was busy planning the wedding, and I don’t even know, or at this point, care if the guy made any contributions. I hated this guy even more when I heard that when he’s around his friends, he tells them that my friend is so head over heels and utterly in love with him. As if to say that no matter what he does, even if it may be unforgivable to some, my friend would still be there ready to accept him. Until months passed, we haven’t heard any updates whether the wedding will happen anytime soon, as they are instead focused on the baby’s arrival. Honestly, some part of me felt relief that the wedding might not be happening, and I won’t witness my friend being tied to that guy. That she may have some more time to think it through, or if she really has been considering not doing it at all.

I really am just concerned, especially in a country where divorce is still not legal. It’s hard to think of your friend being in that disadvantaged position. But then again, it’s her decision. It’s her life. We may have the right to feel this growing concern, as we have also shared a bond that lasted—but I recognize that we have no right to dictate her life.