TL;DR: Met an incredible girl (24F) in Scotland two years ago, had an intense connection, tried long distance, it didn’t work. I moved to her city (Vienna) partly because of her, but she consistently sees me as a friend despite our history. Last tried asking her out on Valentine’s Day – got a gentle but clear “no.” Five months later, wondering if I should move on or if there’s still hope.
The full story:
Two years ago, I (24M) met this girl during a solo trip to Scotland. We connected at a hostel pub crawl – I literally asked her point blank “Do you want to get married? Do you want kids?” She said yes to both. We talked all night, made out, hooked up in the hostel bathroom. The next morning, she had vanished like something out of a movie – already left the city.
But I was hooked. We talked every day for a month, hours-long phone calls. She eventually invited me to visit her in Vienna. I went, and we had what felt like four magical days together. But it was too intense, too fast. She got scared by how quickly emotions were developing, especially with us living in different countries.
We tried to make it work long distance but it fell apart. A few months later she sent me a random picture of Vienna. I thought it was a sign to reconnect – it wasn’t. I kept initiating conversations until I finally asked “What went wrong between us?” She said she wasn’t “sure” and it wasn’t “mathematical” to explain what happened.
Plot twist: Six months later, I moved to Vienna. Partially because of her, but also because I genuinely loved the city. I didn’t tell her I was moving, but she texted me two weeks after I arrived. We met at the same café we’d been to a year earlier.
She was radiant – I told her her “aura was yellow” (yeah, I actually said that). But I had to tell her I was seeing someone new in Vienna. She mentioned wanting to leave Vienna, which visibly hurt me. We ended on a good note but didn’t talk for five months.
Valentine’s Day 2025: I reached out for coffee. It turned into pool and too many beers. I could feel the old chemistry, caught myself staring at her. When I offered to walk her to her bus stop, she seemed hesitant – like she was worried I might try something. I didn’t.
Got home and texted her immediately: thanked her for the evening, said I’d like to see her again but as a date this time. Added that we could always just be friends if she wasn’t interested romantically.
Her response: “Thank you too, it was really fun!!! But I have to say no to a date.. you might have noticed that I’m not really in the mindset to date. And for me I enjoy having you as a friend, I would not want to change that..”
I handled it well, accepted it gracefully. We’ve barely talked since then – just occasional light exchanges.
Now (5 months later): I don’t even know if she’s still in Vienna or followed through on her plans to move. Part of me wonders if I should reach out one more time, but another part thinks I should finally let this go.
Questions for Reddit:
- Is this a case of “right person, wrong time” or am I just not seeing that she’s simply not that into me romantically?
- Should I try reaching out as friends one more time, or is that just prolonging the inevitable?
- How do you know when to stop fighting for someone who clearly means a lot to you?
I’ve never felt a connection like this with anyone else, but I’m also tired of this two-year cycle of connection and retreat. What would you do?