Just as everything seemed to be okay, my now ex-husband asked a question that changed my life forever. (M35) & I (F32) have been together for 9 years married for 4. My life crumbled down from a simple question.
After leaving a family event in Illinois to celebrate 4th of July, we had a 4-hour drive ahead of us. Usually, the rides can be quiet or talkative, depending on the mood. Around 1-hour 1/2 into the drive he asked, “what are your thoughts about incest?” I completely just found it disgusting to even talk about, so I simply said, “It is a disgusting thing.” He just shook his head in agreement and kept driving. I found it odd. My gut feeling kept bothering me, but I kept quiet.
As we got back home, we did our nightly routines and headed straight to bed after a quick snack. Something kept making me feel uncomfortable. After about 30 minutes forcing myself to sleep, I just decided to grab his phone and look through it.
What I found changed my life and the way I saw him. I did not grab his phone to check through his messages but rather than his search history. I found the most disturbing thing a woman who is both planning & trying to have children with her husband can find.
“Real Incest porn.” “Father and daughter incest Porn videos” and so many disturbing things that involved incest & porn in general. My thoughts were spiraling. Is this why he was persistent in having a daughter as a first child?? Why he told me to stop taking birth control and even made sure to flush them down the toilet?
I decided this relationship needed to end. I cannot have children with a man whose interest seems to be about incest. I confronted him in the morning, said nasty things to him and I made sure to pack whatever I could while being left to “cool off.” As I am writing this, I am sleeping at my mother’s house. Lied and said we had a fight and needed time apart, I cannot bring myself to say the truth.
I threw away our entire relationship. I feel this is the right thing to do but scared I may be overreacting. I feel I am saving my future baby’s life from scarring them forever from my own selfishness of building a family. I followed my gut feeling at the end of the day.
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Just as everything seemed to be okay, my now ex-husband asked a question that changed my life forever. (M35) & I (F32) have been together for 9 years married for 4. My life crumbled down from a simple question.
After leaving a family event in Illinois to celebrate 4th of July, we had a 4-hour drive ahead of us. Usually, the rides can be quiet or talkative, depending on the mood. Around 1-hour 1/2 into the drive he asked, “what are your thoughts about incest?” I completely just found it disgusting to even talk about, so I simply said, “It is a disgusting thing.” He just shook his head in agreement and kept driving. I found it odd. My gut feeling kept bothering me, but I kept quiet.
As we got back home, we did our nightly routines and headed straight to bed after a quick snack. Something kept making me feel uncomfortable. After about 30 minutes forcing myself to sleep, I just decided to grab his phone and look through it.
What I found changed my life and the way I saw him. I did not grab his phone to check through his messages but rather than his search history. I found the most disturbing thing a woman who is both planning & trying to have children with her husband can find.
“Real Incest porn.” “Father and daughter incest Porn videos” and so many disturbing things that involved incest & porn in general. My thoughts were spiraling. Is this why he was persistent in having a daughter as a first child?? Why he told me to stop taking birth control and even made sure to flush them down the toilet?
I decided this relationship needed to end. I cannot have children with a man whose interest seems to be about incest. I confronted him in the morning, said nasty things to him and I made sure to pack whatever I could while being left to “cool off.” As I am writing this, I am sleeping at my mother’s house. Lied and said we had a fight and needed time apart, I cannot bring myself to say the truth.
I threw away our entire relationship. I feel this is the right thing to do but scared I may be overreacting. I feel I am saving my future baby’s life from scarring them forever from my own selfishness of building a family. I followed my gut feeling at the end of the day.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I left my husband because of his search history and did not care about us anymore. I feel I am the asshole because I called him multiple names, curse words and even called him a future predator. I also left the house to stay with my mom now.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, you did the right thing! Keep yourself safe and I wish you lots of luck in the future
Well.. At least you found out before not after
Also definite NTA
You’re NTA, you’re smart. You are not overreacting.
I’m gonna go with NTA. Trust your gut. If he went as far as getting rid of your birth control, he is not a safe person to be around at all. It means he doesn’t care about you or your boundaries. And he seems to also want to be controlling. All of these are red flags, and leaving him is the safest thing for you to do.
You didn’t throw away the relationship, you did the only sane thing you could do.
Next step would be letting his family know in case he ever has children in the future.
Crisis Averted, holy shit… is it possible to get him on some kind of watch list, cause that is just sick
You saved your future and your children by listening to your gut.
NTA obviously.
Also, please notify the police if you have any evidence of what you saw.
It likely won’t result in anything but a remark on his record right now. But it will start a trail just in case for the future (though i really hope that trail is never needed since he would have acted on it in that case..)
NTA, I can’t even imagine how horrifying that must’ve been to see. Good on you for protecting yourself and your future children. My only question: why did he ask OP’s opinion on that? Did he genuinely think OP wouldn’t be opposed? Why was that a question in his mind?
This must be AI. I only got half way through before I couldn’t read anymore. From the first line it is already clickbaity.
YTA
This must be so painful. It sounds like you did the right thing though, I’m so proud of you! Sending you a big internet hug, things will get better for you 🫂