so me and my boyfriend started off as a situationship for like 4 months. it was mostly physical and kinda emotionally confusing. then we officially started dating last month, but honestly… it still doesn’t really feel like a relationship.
he barely asks about me or tries to get to know me. he will only say “wbu” if i ask him something about him first. i’ve told him before that i’d appreciate small updates, like just let me know where he’s going or what he’s up to, not even every day. he did it for a bit, then stopped. just so inconsistent. he also says stuff like “i was gonna get u flowers” and then nothing happens. it’s not a huge deal, but he’s done it more than once and it just makes it feel like empty words. i’ve been trying to be patient, but honestly i’ve been feeling like a placeholder. i know some stuff about how he treated his ex and it’s soooo different compared to how he treats me.
sometimes i feel like he’s bored of me. and i’ve been trying to be understanding for so long, but it just keeps making me feel like i’m the only one who actually cares. i don’t feel loved, i feel tired asf. i’ve tried to communicate so many times, but every time it ends up with him blaming me or guilt tripping me. he’s even called me insecure just for expressing how i feel.
some people from my previous post even messaged me and said it sounds more like a fck buddy situation than a real relationship and now that i’ve had time to sit with it, i’m honestly starting to realize they’re right.
the problem is… tbh, i actually tried to end things with him before. but every time, he ends up guilt tripping me or blaming me for everything. it makes me second guess myself and overthink, like maybe i am overreacting, or maybe i’m just being “too sensitive.” but i’m tired. i don’t want drama or a fight anymore.
i’ve never broken up with someone before, and idk how to go about it. what’s the best way to approach this kind of breakup especially when there’s emotional attachment, guilt-tripping involved, and my stuff is still at his place? i just want to leave peacefully and protect my peace, but idw things to get messy either. any advice would really help.
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Stop letting him guilt trip you. Tell him you’re breaking up, and then leave. Break up over text if you have to.
Do it now before it’s too late.
You are not stuck, you are just scared of the fallout. That’s normal, but peace on the other side is worth the temporary discomfort. Make a plan, get your stuff, and go.
You seriously need to end things, you both are grown adults with both emotional and physical needs of your own and he isn’t even meeting you in the middle?? You know what you want and stick with it, don’t let him or your mind play tricks on you! You got this girl, never settle.
Just tell him you need to get your stuff back. Be honest and be strong. Bring a friend with you if you have to.
My boyfriend was the unicorn to this scenario. He was the same in the beginning… I KNEW he could do better… and wondered WHY he didn’t. Well it turns out the man needed therapy. He also had deep insecurities and didn’t feel the need to “try” because he didn’t believe he was good enough to want. Idk your boyfriend but I do want to say, maybe he’s a unicorn.
However that’s unlikely. My boyfriend finally did step up once he got therapy and started to trust the relationship. But from an outside perspective; he’s probably just not that into you. Which is the same way I felt back then. Thankfully I did hang in there; because he’s a wonderful man.
Your life. Up to you. Deep down; you know what you need to do. Surface doubt isn’t the same as gut feeling doubt. We all have small doubts, fear and anxiety ( a little) are healthy. Keeps our priorities in check. But a deep gut feeling, that shouldn’t be ignored. Deep down I knew that my boyfriend was a good man so I couldn’t walk away. What does your gut tell you?
“I don’t like the way things have been going in our relationship, and I think we should end it.
I understand that you want things to continue, but unfortunately, i don’t think it can be reconsiled anymore, and I need to look out for my own well-being.”
I mean I would just explain to him why you want to breakup and let him know you’re not happy with the relationship and why. Maybe if he’s willing to change than you guys can give it another chance to make it work but I was in the same situation in the past where I felt stuck as well and in the end I got cheated on so I just took the chance to leave and move on from it.
Leave him as he probably could… with a meaningless text, just like he deserves..
No matter what you say, the moment you get confuse, you have a civil conversation about said confusion and they only confuse you more? Dump them 💀
Firstly, that’s not a sign of emotional intelligence and you’d want that in a “boyfriend” (especially if you don’t want it to be only physical).
Secondly, you’re already feeling stuck—that’s a red flag. Stop being stuck and get a move on.