TLDR If she seems indifferent about continuing to date, should I just call it off?
First time posting here. I’ve (M28) been crushing on this girl (F31) for about 4 months. We met at our local run club and I was pretty smitten and struck upon seeing her. It would be safe to say I felt she was out of my league but I felt maybe if I tried to foster a friendship I could see if that would lead to something more. We hit it off well, I could make her laugh every time, we have similar hobbies (running, cycling), and I started to notice that she would want to keep me close to her at these run club social events that we did weekly. That was surprising to me as she seemed really popular among that group but I felt a sort of special attention.
Anyway, as the weeks went on we hung out a bit more 1-on-1, did bike rides together, I asked her out for a coffee (not framed as a date at that time) and generally she continued to want me around her to chat and make her laugh, etc.
One night, I had a pretty big gig w my band and I was feeling extra confident. We met before the show and I asked her out officially on a date. Since I knew her for a bit already, I felt comfortable asking if I could make her dinner at my place and she accepted. My intentions were wholly just to cook her a good meal, chat, and show her a nice evening. I felt that the dinner date went down exactly as I planned and hoped for. Dinner was prepped and served successfully, we chatted throughout comfortably and with familiarity, and I got to play her a couple of songs and we assembled some Legos together… just trying to be cutesy (she relayed to me a previous time that she was pretty conservative sexually speaking when it comes to early dating so of course I didn’t hold any of those expectations and didn’t lead down that path)
Towards the end of the date I asked her if she would like to do another date (this time out to a restaurant in town) and she accepted (and earlier in the night mentioned something along the lines of looking forward to a different cuisine type that I could prepare for her in a potential future dinner date). This led me to think “wow, she’s into this and here we go!”
But the day for the next date was approaching and I sent a confirmation text seeing if she was still free, she ignored the text for a couple of days to respond that Wednesday wouldn’t work and that she’d “get back to me”
I suppose this wasn’t too alarming as she had mentioned that as a possibility. But later that week I saw her at our weekly bike ride that we do w a group and I got this sense of distance. Like we couldn’t talk about “us” and what was up for next date. Neither of us really mentioned it. I told her that I would be out of town all next week for a work conference and would return Monday 7/21 and we’d reconnect then. But I couldn’t shake this sense of indifference from her.
I let a couple days pass by and text her about a move she was doing to another apt. She doesn’t respond until the next morning but she updates me on the move and asks how my conference is going. I tell her all is well and if she had anything fun lined up for the week; And she hasn’t responded to that text since. That was Tues morning and it’s now Thurs night. And of course, in this day of social media I can see that she’s up to other fun stuff going on for her and posting about it on insta/strava so it’s not like she can’t respond to my text or reach out and follow up with me on the 2nd date.
So this leads me to think she just doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do about her. I think she’s indifferent about me. And I’ve been in my head for days about this and it’s exhausting. My strategy is just to take back control of this situation. If I reach out and say something along the lines of “hey, just wanted to share that I’ve been thinking about staying friends instead of going on that 2nd date, I enjoy our friendship and would still want that to continue”
Now, that is not the outcome I ultimately want but it may free me from this feeling of being stuck in limbo. I could freely pursue other girls I’ve started talking with in run club but haven’t initiated dating because of this current situation. And I also feel it would give me back my sense of confidence and control and not that I’m just another guy to be indifferent towards, does that make sense? It’s probably what she wants anyway judging by her lack of interest?
I definitely fear calling it off and musjudging her feelings, lol she may be into me and want to do that 2nd date and if I call it off I only just shoot myself in the foot :/
Would love the advice!